i used to have a good life, ya know, family, wife, 2 sons, and a daughter, money, not a worry in the world, until the day i found out my father was connected in the mafia. i found out my father had done something bad. very bad. he was in on a major drug deal, but he got a bigger offer from the fbn to rat on the deal. i had to find this out the hardway. i had just gotten a raise at my job and went to celebrate. i went to the bar and came home around 3 in the mornin. i went to go check on my kids, they werent there. video games and all of their things were all scattered in their room. i thought "this isnt like them". then i ran to the next room to see if my wife was there, no one was just a note that read, "your father has fucked us over big time. thanks to him, my boss is in jail for 25 to life. you track down your father within 8 days, or your family gets it. and next it will be you". i was terrified. i immediately thought where my cowardice father would run too. then i got it, the beachhouse we use to stay in when i was little in cali. i immediately bought a plane ticket to go get him and bring him back. when i arrived at the beach house, he was passed out with beer bottles all around him. i walked up to him and hit him in the face. when he saw who it was, he said "what the hell, is your problem". i automatically said "you put my family in jeopardy, get your ass in the cab, were goin to NY." when we got back to NY there was a note on my door that said 5 days on it.. i called the number on the note and when the man answered i said "i have my father, where do i need to take him?" i heard my daughter crying in the background, then the man said "you hear that? thats your daughter. if your fucking with us, shell be the first to go. meet me at the tunnel in three hours" and then hung up. i couldnt wait for the three hours to pass, my father wouldnt shut up, he kept askin whats goin on, what are you doing, so i sewed his mouth shut. 2 and a half hours passed so i headed over to the tunnel. as i arrived i saw a big man about 6 foot 8 walk out of the shadows. i could see the chrome in his hand raise up, then i heard a bang, looked over, and there was my father, laying in a pool of blood. the man through my kids and wife out of the car onto the street and said, "kid, dont be a fuck up like your father, or you might be seeing him real soon."

Pretty good story. You should make some more. Make them longer and they will definitley be good.

it sucked, in my opinion, but i was extremely bored. but thank you tony

Don't underestimate yourself!It wasn't bad.In my opinion it should be more detailed.And it would be easier to read if there were paragraphs.You can continue the story by telling us how YOU became a mafioso

Wraith listens to the rather short encounter.

"I'll be honest kid, it wasn't brilliant. But I can see you're putting in effort. Trying making them bigger, giving things more detail, taking them at a slower pace. And break them up so that we can enjoy the read. Good luck!"

he nods and continues on his way.