"Benji was to be my new best friend. He was going to be without he and I knowing it. Of course, I wouldn't have been able to proclaim him as my own without my childhood friend, Rayln. She had helped me a bunch when I made it my mission to get this animal. As you know, Benji is the penguin at the London Zoo. The reason I freed him is because he was so sad there and looked very depressed. You know, when I found him, he was alone on the penguin pool while the others were sleeping. I approached him and he came towards me, and I gave him a fish because, as you know, I was in charge of taking care of the animals during the night. I was going to feed the penguins as I was done with the gorillas and that's where I met Benji. Not at the gorillas, mind you, but at the penguin pool. Before you say anything, no, it wasn't a coincidence that he was out there when I was to fill their bowls with fish for the next morning. It was fate. Going off the rails for a second, did you know that when you prepare the food for the animals for the morning, you have to make as little noise as you can? Or else the animals will all get fired up which will sound like an animal riot or something and some of them might hurt you as you have their food and they think you're keeping it away from them. It's way harder than you think not to make noise. The lions have a keen sense of hearing, so sneaking pass them is hard without waking them up. You also don't want the animals eating the food before sun rise as they only get three portions each day in general. It always depends which animals, you know. You can't just give three seeds each to each birds, you know?"

I chuckled. I wiped the tear coming out of my eye as I finished laughing. I looked up and damn, did the officer not look pleased. He was getting irritated as I was telling my story since I talk a lot and get off subject every now and then. 

"Back to the story."

"Right-e-o, Mr. Grouchy-o. I know I'm talking fast and I'm skipping some parts, but what I'm jumping over isn't important. It's like a prisoner would say, it doesn't matter how tall a fence is; if it let's me get out of here, I'll climb it no matter what. Anyways, I think that's what they say. I've never been to prison. Yet."

I chuckled again and the officer started to look pissed off.

"Get it? Because I'm in custody right now? Oh, come on, it was a good one. It was off the top of my head, you know. I don't even know if what I said made sense or not because I talk way too much. I rarely think before speaking.  It's like when you put a hamster in a wheel, it'll keep going and going and going and going and..... Well, you get my point."

"Are you doing this shit on purpose? I'm not gonna get distracted, lass. You said you would tell me the story, if I let your friend go. I told you sure, but you can't skip parts even if she's in it. Now, go over every single little detail or I'm going to open your brain and pull the information out with my bare hands."

"I don't think that's how a brain works. I mean, I'm no psychiatrist or brain analyst or doctor or whomever studies the brain, but I'm pretty sure you would kill the person just by opening the cranium, you know. Hey! I just thought of something: if it was possible to open someone's skull and then put back the broken piece or the ripped one, I would have a perfect torture method. Of course, my method would most probably kill the brain because it's dangerous. It consists of opening the skull and putting razor blades in the head along with salt. Whenever the guy doesn't give you the answer, Mr. Bad Cop would shake his head making the blades rattle in there and the salt to burn the wound like a motherfucker, you know."

"The story, dipshit!"

"Ah, right, the story. Well, to truly understand the story, let's go back in time, shall we?"

School is finally over and summer's here and we have a break before the next session starts. School fees are kicking my mom's ass though. Just last night, I came home and my mom got a receipt for the fees she payed along with the apartment, the repairs in the washroom and we can't forget, "The collectors." The collectors are the people who work for Palaglia. It's the English version of a mafia money collector. What a bunch of cunts. They were in competition with the Logdons and the Heflerds. They decided not to mess with each other as long as each head respected the limitations in location they were allowed to operate in. Now, don't get me wrong, these people are a bunch of pansies compared to what I hear about the American mafia. Although, they did have strength. I came home and I found two burly men at my mom's door. They were there to collect money and I knew she didn't have any. I saw them slap her. I quickly rushed over to her, picking her up off the floor, yelling, "Mother!" I brushed the dust off her red, soon-to-be-swollen-cheek.  

"Please stop, sir! Look, we don't have the money today, but I promise you we'll have the money for now and the next month. I was planning on finding a job and I promise I'll pay you as soon as my first check arrives!"

"You have two weeks, you runt."

With that, they left. 

"Mom, I know this seems like a really bad timing, but I promised Rayln that I'd hang out with her to celebrate the end of the school year. I'll be back and I promise to help out as much as I can."

"Please don't, Steven. I don't want my problems to go to you. I'll handle this; I always have."

"Hey, we're a team, you know. You and I. We'll get through this together."

With that, I kissed my mother goodbye for the day and rushed over to Rayln's home. A half hour later of walking , I arrived and rang her doorbell.

"I'm surprised you haven't called me, "Honesty."

""Honesty," was a name given by the kids at school because I was very direct with others. Actually, it didn't start out like that. My real name is Steven as you know because it's written on your profile of me. I have to say, I look really dashing in that picture. Where does that expression come from anyways? You know what I think?"

"No and I don't want to."

"I think it comes from horses. Not just any horses, but racing horses, you know? I think it comes from that because..... because the ones that are able to dash the fastest are the best ones or the most preferable ones? I don't know; I just love hypothesizing. You know, when you hypothesize, it seems as though everything is possible. Just imagine! Why do you think dinosaurs are extinct, huh? Wouldn't it have been great if they died because they had this huge combat to the death - every single one of them - and that's why they're no more part of us? What if they weren't extinct? What if dinosaurs still existed?"

"Steven, I swear to God I'll put you with the other rapist prisoners if you get off topic again."

"That's a good one, you know. Anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah! I'm someone who tells the truth whenever someone asks me a question. For example: if you were to ask me if you look nice, I would say, "No, you look like absolute shit." My point is, before you get on your period again, that's basically what I said to this girl at school who asked me if she looked nice. To be honest - HA! Get it? Honest? - I have no idea why she was mad at me. She asked me to tell her if she looked nice or not and I told her the truth. Anyways, the people started nicknaming me, "Asshole," and about a month later, I got fed up and I screamed at the top of my lungs during math class, "I wasn't being hurful, it was pure honesty." So you see, "Honesty is a nickname of derision. Now, back to the story...

"Anyways, to answer your question, Ray-Ray, the Palaglias were at my doorstep again. They were collecting money and as you know, I'm currently in a tough time. I might need to move to a more, "Downtown," kind of neighborhood, if you know what I mean. However, if I find a job for the summer, we'll be able to get by, you know. The thing is that all the factories are basically full on child labor, "Employees." I don't know where to look for one; I'm really discouraged.

I began to cry a little. 

Rae wrapped her arm around her friends shoulder, "Hey, Steve, cheer up." She told  him. She knew the words were useless, the Palaglia family were a ruthless bunch of cocksucking assholes who didn't know the first thing about manners. "I mean, we'll figure something out." she added, her voice hopeful. "come on, lets go get a drink." she told him and with her arm still around him, they made their way down the streets of Camden until they found themselves at their usual haunt, the Queens Head. She pushed the door open and waved at the old man behind the bar, "Phill, can we get our usual please?" she asked him as she steered Steve to their table in the corner. "Sit tight, I'll be right back." 

She went up to the bar and put a few coins on the counter. "Phill, do you happen to be looking for someone to help out around here this summer?" she asked as she looked towards Steve. She sighed and then looked at the older man who was preparing their ice cream floats. Phill laughed and shook his head, "Missy, with the way things are going around here, I'm going to be surprised if we even stay open this summer." Rae sighed and looked around the empty pub. "Point well taken." she muttered. She grabbed the floats just as Phill stuck straws and spoons in them. "Thanks anyway, Phill." she told him with a smile. 

She set the floats on the table and slid one closer to Steve. "Look, I know it seems bad." she said as she took a sip of the soda at the bottom of her glass and then let out a lady like burp. "But we'll think of something. I mean, what are they going to do? Kill you? The Palaglia family doesn't really strike me as a kid murdering type of people." She frowned. "Then again.. you are sixteen." She sighed and slumped down in the booth. She tilted her head back so it rested on the booth and stared at the smoke stains on the ceiling. After a few minutes she sat up and said, "Holy shit, I got it." 

"I entered the pub and realized that I have never been here in my life before. You know, the word, "Pub," makes me think of pubic hair. You don't have to be a genius to figure why I think that. However, considering the brains you have, you might have a hard time understanding it. I still won't explain it though..."

The interrogator rolled up his sleeves.

"...because it'll give a good challenge to your walnut sized pea brain of yours...."

He slicked his hair back in frustration, looking at me.

"Why are we doing this anyways?! It's a fucking penguin!!! It's not like this is ruining anyone's lives or anything!!! The zoo owners are fucking rich! Whether they have one less penguin or one more, it'll change absolute shit!!! And you're here wasting your time with a fucking 17 year old, trying to push accusations...."

The interrogator did a slow 360....

"....that'll amount to nothing, like the petty, pathetic, worthless life you're living!!!"

The next thing I know, I'm on the ground, pissing blood left and right while I'm getting the life pounded off of me.

"Holy shit." Voices were coming from behind the door. Next thing I know, a police officer tackles the one that was on me and another one helps me to my feet.

"Officer Morgan. That'll be all for today. The rest of today."

"I'm.... Pwessing.... chawges..... Against the pwick."

I spit blood on the floor.

"Look you don't have to do that. Look, we could work an arrangement." 

It was just us two now. He looked like the superior of officer Morgan. He looked more professional and seemed as if he had more experience in terms of years. The work has worn down on him; you could tell. Fucking with him wouldn't work like the other one.

"Fuck yeah, we could. On my terms though. All or nothing. Well, not exactly nothing.... It's either you accept or I bring this department down to its fucking knees. Here are my terms: I'll continue telling the story as planned. You let Rayln go as planned. Now, you let me go and I'll return Benji and we'll forget that this hole shit show ever happened."

"Son, we can't do that. You assaulted an officer. The reason we let your friend go is because everything she did was minor and she was shaking like a leaf when we caught you two. You decided to physically assault a police officer when he tried to arrest you. That could really have an impact on your sentence."

"AND A POLICE OFFICER ASSAULTING A MINOR ISN'T A SEVERE THING!?!??! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!"

"HOWEVER, we can let you go, with the judge's accord of course, but you'll probably have to talk to a therapist once a week and take anger management classes once a week two. Will you be willing?"

"Jesus Christ... Sure, I'll do it. But I don't want this shit to last for a fucking year."

"I can't control the length of it. Now please continue."

"Fine."

The pub wasn't full. It as the kind with low music that you hear in the background with the usual drunkies passed out on their stools on the bar with the few people drinking with friends and partners. It wasn't loud in the pub, but it didn't stop me from having a headache. 

"Look, Ray, I appreciate your efforts, but this is my problem and I don't want you mixed up with it. My world is fucked up enough already."

She frowned and took a mouthful of ice cream from the top of her float, "No, no, no." she said with a shake of her head after swallowing, "Hear me out, alright?" She pointed her spoon at him, "Although I will concede that your life is all sorts of fucked up at the moment," she told him with a small smile, "But we're best friends Steve, you can't expect me to not try to fix this." she shook her head again, "But I think I have a solution. 

She pushed her spoon back into the float and ate another bite of ice cream, "Do you remember my cousin, Mike?" she asked him, "Big guy, like super over weight and bald as a baby?" She asked him, "Well, he works at the zoo. They are always looking for people to do some shitty job or other, and its the summer now so I bet they are hiring." She frowned, "Besides, he still owes me for that time..." she shook her head, "Never mind, we won't go into details, but he owes me a favor." She smiled at Steve, "So, are you interested? We can go to his place and find out if theres something we can do? I mean we're in this together, isn't that what friends are for?" She asked Honesty-. 

"Before all else, you should slack on the floats and ice cream. Your brain will be encased in a giant ice cube if you continue down this perilous path, you know. If that happens, then you'll die. Your brain will have hypothermia and you'll freeze to death without being able to do anything to stop dying. Also, if the ice melts, your brain will drown. So, it's a lose-lose situation and you won't like it."

Rayln flung a piece of ice cream from her spoon onto my face. At first, she had a look that said shut up, which then transformed into hysterical laughter. 

"Riiiiiiggghtt. Still the same old baby you always were. Let's just get to this Mike's guy place. I'll let you have your sexy time with him, if you know what I mean."

I winked at her and she punched my arm.

"Come on, finish that shit up. We need to go."

"That's when we - or I - met Mike.God, was he obese and I really did not make a good first impression on him. Rayln was embarrased above all else and she's one to burst put laughing even if someone dies in front of her!"

Rae sighed and reached for a napkin. Wiping her face she frowned at Steve, "I don't know why I bother, sometimes." she told him as she scrunched the napkin into a ball in her fist and threw it at the kid. "You're such an ass." she said before sliding out of the booth and standing up. Reaching down she grabs her coat and puts it on while saying, "Well come on, I'm sure Mike will be delighted to meet you and employ you right away." she said with an eye roll. "But please, just... " she sighed, "Try not to be an ass." she told him as she led them out the door and towards the London Zoo. 

Once they got there she headed towards the reptile house, hoping her cousin was actually in today. "Now, don't get your hopes up. I mean, he owes me a favor and all that.." she said, "But they might have filled the position. Or they might not want to take on some punk." she told him with a wink over her shoulder. She pushed the door open and grinned, "Mike!" she said stepping foward with her arms out to hug one of her favorite cousins. 

Mike stood up and quickly wrapped his arms around his little cousin, "Rayln, you are looking more and more like your mother every day." he told her before stepping back and ruffling her head. "What brings you to the zoo, kiddo? Want some free passes?" he asked before looking over at Honesty- standing by the door. "Oh, are you here on like a..." 

Rae swatted the man's arm and said, "Oh shut up." before he could finish the sentence. "I'm actually here about that favor you owe me..." she trialled off, raising her eyebrows. "You know, for that one time in the basement when my mom came down?" she added under her breath, "You know you owe me big for that." she stared at him and then nearly laughed when the man nodded. 

"Right, Well then chick, what can I do for you?" Mike said quickly glancing at Steve and then back to her, "Year passes? Special tours?" he asked holding his hands out in front of him. 

"no, we want a job." she said to him, plain and simple. "I know you guys hire kids to work overnight and feed the animals and just keep an eye on things outside of security." she told him, "And we'd like to be those kids." she looked at Steve and then motioned him over, "This is Steve, and he's the one who needs the job more than I do." she explained, "So if you hire us, you can pay us under the table, and he can get 70% of the pay, and I'll just take the other 30% as pocket money." she told him. "So, what do you say? Are we hired?"

Mike looked the two kids up and down, rubbing his beard before nodding his head slowly, "Sure, sure. We don't have any one lined up for that sort of work at the moment and you're right we do need someone to do that." he thought for a moment and then held up a finger before turning and walking back to his desk. He picked up the phone and spun the roatary a few times to dial a number. "Irv," he said when someone finally answered on the other end, "Got two kids to take the grave yard shift." he said into the phone, "Yeah, I'll send them your way." he said "Thanks, Mate." he said before putting the phone down. 

Mike turned and looked back at the kids, "Alright, Rae you know the way to the main office, right?" Mike asked her and Rae nodded her head, "Ok then head there, Irv is waiting for you to fill in a few forms and give you a breakdown of whats expected of you." he said, "But come back and visit before you leave." he told her as he pointed a finger in her direction. 

Rae laughed, "Yes, of course!" she said before taking a few short steps over towards the man and standing on her tip toes giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks Mike, you're a godsend!" she told him before she rushed towards Steve, grabbed his arm and hustled him out of the office. Once they were far enough away she threw her head back and laughed, "Ha, I told you I'd figure something out!" she told him before punching her fist in the air. "And this, this is why it pays to be an," she paused tapping her chin, "What do you call it?" she said, "Oh right, an optimistic asshole." she said with a laugh. 

"You know, for a guy who works at the zoo, Mike was such a slob. Not that all people who work at the zoo are slobs or anything... Actually, scrap that sentence. Don't know why I said it. He was gross too. Had some mustard stains and all on his shirt. He disgusted me. I don't know how Mike and Rayln actually got along, but boy, would he and I not!"

I sipped from the coffee mug on the police officer's desk and he looked at me funny.

"That's not yours."

"Hey, the world is my oyster. And it's not like you're going to arrest me or anything. HA! That one was a good one. Also, thank God it wasn't my coffee because that tastes like ass."

"You know that this conversation is going on tape, right?

"How would I not know, deputy Lawrence? That cigar box is so fucking obvious that I would have to be oblivious to not see it, for Christ's sake! God, you really are dumber than the other moron."

He looked at me with a bored look. I knew it wouldn't work on him, but I had to try at least. 

"And don't you need to ask for my consent?"

"As if we care about your consent. You just admitted to knowing about the cigar box and you still aren't doing anything about it. That's consent enough for this department. Get back to the story now, please."

I picked some chips out of a bag and ate some.

"Hey, get yours paws out of there!" Mike said.

"I'm a human. Therefore, I don't have paws. Don't you work in a zoo? This should be basic knowledge to everyone. Especially to you because you work in a zoo! Anyways, you can have it back if you want. Here..." 

I held out my tongue, exposing chewed up food and Mike made a face of disgust.

"He is not working for me, forget it."

I heard Rayln mumble something underneath her breath from a short way away. Then, the fat man agreed. We went outside, without Mike, and Rayln told me that was called being an optimistic asshole.

"Asshole, I could see it going with him, but optimistic? Nah, can't see it..."

She slapped me behind the head. 

"Right, whatever. Thanks, though, really. I owe you after this one."

I hugged Rayln and skiddaddled on home for the night.