Ron Burgundy finished positioning his podium on the street corner. He had to make due with he location while still making it looks like a nice newsroom that respectable man would report the news from. With the camera panning in on Ron's face he gave a smirk, finished his scotch and cleared his throat as they counted down from five to let him know when they were going live. Presenting the news was Ron's gift and his passion, so any sign of a good story and he had to leap on it. As the countdown ended Ron went live with his story.

This evening we having a breaking lead on a developing story! We don't have all of the details but we will continue to fill in as the situation develops.

We at channel 4 news have received a lead that their will be a heist of mythic proportions this weekend. Here's what we know.

The heist will take place somewhere in Chicago with the target being one of Applesap's pet tigers. Rumor has it that the culprit will be and I quote "a brave, handsome and charismatic fellow" that will likely be wearing a balaclava.  Please stay tuned for further information as the weekend nears and the story develops.

Im Ron Burgundy, stay classy folks.

Stepping away from the podium Ron was still trying to figure out where his damn news team was. He pondered that it may be time to start replacing them with people who would actually show up. He would begin recruiting to replace the newsteam members.

Ron and his dog Baxter headed off down the streets hoping to hear about any other potential news to report....

Miss_Niki stops to watch the reporter reporting. She thinks to herself.. what a weird hairdo that guy has... and as she is rushing off to pick up some hush money , she drops a slip of paper.

Love

Combing over his near perfect hair, Ron quickly snaps into action. Grabbing his microphone he quickly turns to face the camera and report the newest of breaking stories.

Ladies, Gentlemen and whatever other creatures or animals watching this; it is with a heavy heart that I am here to report that Love, is officially dead. It had a good run especially with some of the recent "experimentation" it has brought on but now it is dead. Please, Take the time to stop by and pay your respects because if things weren't already messy enough, the death of Love will cause far more shenanigans. If you have any information on this death feel free to send it in to channel 4 news for us to warp and twist it into a better story.

Im Ron Burgundy, stay classy folks.

Knowing that the story was a bit weak Ron had an extra sip of brandy while he headed off looking for the next story to fall in his lap.

The network then switched the screen to the address of Love's funeral.

123 Funeral Place Drive

Dead Folks City, DE 54312

Sitting alone in her darkened bedroom finishing the 5th bottle of her Naughty and Nice homemade liquor, she dialed the number to the radio station with trembling fingers.  It seemed like it took FOREVER to get through all of the typical recordings and pressing this number and that number to finally get to speak to real live person, but finally a sickening sweet voice was on the other end asking how she could direct her call.

"I must speak to Ron, I have important information that I can only share with him regarding his news story..." Judging by how quickly her request was met, this must be the biggest news story at that station.

When she heard his voice on the other end, she begin sobbing as she told her story.  " It's murder I tell you, it's cold blooded murder!  Love just doesn't die on its own!  You must do something to bring Love justice.  How can we ever go on without Love?"

Appelsap walked into the streets and one of his friends came running towards him. 

"Someone is telling that there is a plan to steal one of your tigers. "

Appelsap couldn't believe it so he follow his friend towards a place where people where talking about love. It was a strange place but he would walk into a lot more crazy places to keep his pets safe from this unknown thief. 

As Appelsap walked towards Ron_Burgundy he heard he was finished with his story about Love so Appelsap walked straight up towards him. 

"could you repeat that part about Someone stealing a tiger for me, please"

Appelsap said with a tone that could not be mistaken for a kind question. and Ron knew this so he started reading his news fact again.

"The heist will take place somewhere in Chicago with the target being one of Applesap's pet tigers. Rumor has it that the culprit will be and I quote "a brave, handsome and charismatic fellow" that will likely be wearing a balaclava.  Please stay tuned for further information as the weekend nears and the story develops."

While listening to this Appelsap got angry, 

"Now tell me Ron How did you get this information and who is this Stupid man that thinks he can steal from me without me finding out. he even lets you shout it through the streets. So tell me now who is your informant"

Seeing the rage growing in Applesap strangely gave Ron satisfaction because his news story might have actually helped someone. Slowly the scotch buzz dulled and he realized this wasn't time to be proud, but time to finagle his way out of this mess.

Im assuming from your interest you must be Don Applesap, pleasure to meet you. Im Ron Burgundy, Im kind of a big deal. I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

Realizing that his new acquaintance could not care less about who he was he switched gears back to the situation at hand.

I apologize Sir but the information came from a shady source. I was in a dark alley pissing behind a dumpster and someone behind me whispered the details to me. I couldn't look back because I would have risked possibly getting pee on my shoes or this fine suit. We're gentlemen here, you know you cant get piss on a suit. All I can tell you is when he walked it sounded like metal and he smelt of cheap cigars.

Grinning back at Applesap, Ron waited for his response with the hope that he would understand that Ron had nothing more than the smell and sound of the anonymous man.

Good evening everyone. As we at news team 4 previously had hinted, The Animal House came under siege over the weekend. We do apologize for the delay in our reporting, but something with my hair and a burrito happened and its a bit of a long story.

Ron knew that the issue at Chumps 'R' Us was going to swell into a publicity nightmare unless Ron followed through and satisfied ​Bender 's strange fascination with the crime at the Animal House.

It happened folks, thats all there is to say. Someone found their way inside the security and was able to launch part of their assault. We dont have a ton of details with what it was but here it is what we know. First off he was dashingly handsome and is rumored to be an amazing lover.

Ron felt like that was a bit out of place and when he looked up he saw Bender laughing hysterically behind the teleprompter, Ron probably needed to not be so quick to read from the prompter as he remembered back to the "Go fuck yourself San Diego" situation from some years back.

Either way, this handsome criminal was able to put some pressure on the Animal House by proving that the security might not be all it is cracked up to be. As for the animals, a sign is posted out front of the destroyed building that all of the animals are safe. Please stay tuned  for more details in the Tiger heist of 2015 and as the "Balaclava Bandit" saga unfolds and we potentially learn the identity of this daring criminal.

We must note that comment has not been taken from the animal's owner @Applesap as new team 4 is mostly missing and I'm not all that sure how to do any actual work.

That's all for tonight, Im Ron Burgundy and you stay classy folks.

With that Ron headed back the Chumps 'R' Us to see if he could find Bender or if he was off hatching some plot or unraveling someone's dreams. Hopefully on the way someone would stop him and give him a news tip or at least compliment how famous and important he was.

Walking down the street rehashing the story, Ron realized that he had been reading from the prompter wrong the whole time. He kept saying Don Appelsap 's name wrong, hopefully he was still able to get the news being as it was imperative for the safety of the glorious big cats.

Ron rushed over to the camera man as he realized that Bender had made him report the news wrong. For Ron there was no greater crime than giving the people the wrong news.

I'm sorry to interrupt your nights but I need to clarify my story. The Tiger heist will be of one tiger and not 2015 of them. The bandit is more than capable of pulling off the larger of the heists, but the logistics of feeding that many animals is heist a waste of time and one tiger will get the idea across. This handsome devil is just hell bent on stealing ONE tiger.

I'm Ron Burgundy this is the 1930's and stay classy folks.

Ashamed Ron finds the nearest phone booth to have a good cry and get himself back on track. Hopefully Bender kept his pesky claws away form Ron's news form here on out because he most certainly was of no help in this situation.