The Great Cthulhu steps out from the backseat of the big shiny Lincoln and makes his way through the crowd to the middle of the street. Spreading his claws wide he motions for those around him to step closer. Setting a stack of hundred dollar bills on the ground in front of him he steps onto the loot, and using the bills as a platform begins to speak.

So last night me and Gaara was having an impromptu business meeting with that guy who runs the "Wild Wiener" hot dog factory down in the Bronx. Guy came here from Dseldorf and we were nice enough to get him started up right. Name is Hans Stchikkadikkiner. I shit you not. I spend most of my time trying to keep a straight face whenever we pay him a visit to collect. This was one of those times. He was running a couple of weeks late on his payment so we took him for a ride to the Zoo. You'd be suprised how accommodating people become when you dangle them by their feet over the lion exhibition. Hell, Sometimes I like to come here during the daytime too. No business, just walking around looking at all the animals. Feeding peanuts to the elephants and making faces at the monkeys. Truth be told I believe that the term "petting zoo" was coined specifically to find a legal loophole around Gaara's particular predilection with all things smaller and hairier than himself. But I digress.

The point is you reflect on things when you're about to drop a man into his own personal Lion Country Safari nightmare. Things like, "Jeezum Crow I hope I don't die in a South-of-the-border whorehouse like my father", and "You know....this Zoo needs some new attractions because rotating between Lions/Crocodillians/Gorillas to dispose of tardy clients gets to be a rut". We tried to use the beaver (bee-vair for all our Quebecois cousins) hut that one time but it was too gruesome even for me as ebil as I am. The sounds of the shrieking over the slap-slap-slapping of mighty tails haunts me to this day. No, I think we need to resource out and bring some new blood to the Bronx Zoo.

We decided we're going to load up a bunch of the guys with tommy guns and fly over to Shaanxi Province and bring us back a couple of Panda Bears. GIANT Panda Bears. Big as we can get. Denny is working on the legal details. I'm sure those guys over there in China like our dollars as much as that funny money they use. So we'll beat the bushes, round up a pair of good looking bears and bring 'em back alive. It'll help spice things up the next time we do any midnight negotiations.

The Great Cthulhu gathers up the $500,000.00 stacked at his feet

Here's where you come in. When we get these Giant Panda's back home we're going to need to name them. Me, I'm not the most creative guy in the world so I needs help from all of youse. Name them for us. I don't care if you use classical names or pop-culture references or whatever. The only stipulation is that there has to be one male and one female name. I will pick the most creative pair of names and award the $500,000.00 to the winner. It's as easy as that. So put on your thinking caps and get to it. I figure we'll leave for China right away, hunt for awhile, get pie-eyed with the locals, burn a few villages to the ground, corrupt the majority of the womenfolk and some of the livestock, destabilize the national economy, and get back say.......December 7th at 22:00 mrt.

You have til then to enter as many times as you like. Just tag your entries onto that street post over there. In the unlikely event of a tie both winners will be awarded the full cash award. Two names by December 7th could net you a cool half mil. You get to thinking up names and we'll get to hunting.

And with that The Great Cthulhu slides the pile of hundros into his coat pockets and climbs back into the rear of the car and rolls down the window

It's up the Yangtze for us, see you when we get back.