The Cosa Nostra Times
Issue III
Ronin - Editor in Chief/Current Events
Sir Oswald Mosley - Co Editor/Opinion/Interview
Dick Baggington - Satire
Cassi - Advice/Opinion
AlexMoran - Horoscopes
Rayln - crap
Another month has passed, and another late issue of The Cosa Nostra Times is being released. We meant to have this out about ten days ago, but our staff is full of lazy asses who can't reply to the editor's mails begging them to finish their pieces! On the bright side, more time in between issues means more time for shit to hit the fan, and dear god did it ever hit it. We hope you will enjoy our take on the events reshaping our world.
Simply Slaughtered
Ronin
The evening of November 30th, 1932 will be a day remembered in the annals of our history. It was the day of reckoning for a certain regime that has long held our world in a firm grip. Say what you will about her methods, but Duplicity was on top for a decent amount of time, and has to be given credit where credit is due.
But it is not our place to pass judgement on her ways or her persona. We simply report the news.
In a shock move, the forces of Kimble’s New York combined with the majority of Duplicity’s Chicago to remove her and her closest ally, Godmother Visas of Detroit. In a flawless first wave, Duplicity, Visas, and all but one of Detroit’s leaders were felled in one deft swoop. Only Jake_Ballard of Black Bottom was left untouched. It appears that this was the intent of the attacking side.
Duplicity and her family were the only Chicagoans targeted in the attack, as the majority of her city was involved in the actual takedown. It would appear that they had grown tired of her particular brand of leadership. A Speech made by Godfather Kimble of Brooklyn was vague at best. It is unclear if there was a particular reason or incident that caused the sudden change of heart, or if this had been building for a while.
Notable mafiosi to fall are as follows.
Duplicity, Visas, Queenie, Hayley, Memento_Mori, Countryboy, TIIYAH, Deces, Ricky_Bobby, Chong, Desire, R2D2, and Cpt-Darling.
The attacking side suffered no significant losses.
Our world is again reshaping, and there is a general feeling of hope and excitement at what could become of such a massive shift in the balance of power. Keep a close eye out in the weeks to come, as there will surely be many things changing in La Cosa Nostra.
Lost Vegas
Ronin
On the evening of November 24th, the last of Duplicity’s acts of war came to pass. She has since bit the bullet herself, but it still seems necessary that we report on the downfall of an entire city.
Las Vegas was the ugly little brother of the group. Koehler, a remnant of Oblivion’s North Side, had moved there a few months back to start something new. Most assumed that he was being “salted.” In other words, sent to Vegas to be killed at a later date. However this did not hold true right away, as most expected. He was allowed to build up, and he did a fine job, building Las Vegas into a city to be reckoned with. He started with next to nothing, and from it built a city that was at least threatening enough to warrant being removed.
A team of New York, Chicago, and Detroit hitters executed a strike on the in the evening hours of that Sunday, killing the majority of the city within minutes. A few mistakes did happen however, such as JoeyOlbose living through the first wave, along with AlisonAllport. Neither of these two were able to do much damage however, and were dead within a few hours.
Leaders Snowball, Scratchy, and Seeyara died alongside Koehler in that first wave, along with most of their city.
The civilians of Las Vegas are beginning to call it a “cursed” city, as over and over crime outfits spring up there, only to be wiped off the map within a few months by people from out of town. Only time will tell if Las Vegas is becoming the new Detroit.
Illusive's Ignorance
Ronin
Shocking news out of Los Angeles the other day, as the majority of the city has been wiped from the face of La Cosa Nostra. All families but Tycho's Beatnik Steel Works were removed in a single assault from New York and Chicago hitmen. Godmother Senza and her auths Illusive and Kinky_Roger, along with their hands and prominent members of their families, were found dead in their LA compounds on the evening of December 9th.
The reasoning behind the strike was made quite clear by godfather Kimble of New York, as he came out to the streets to announce the takedown.
It appears that there was a slight disagreement on the transfer of a member from Illusive's Venice Beach outfit to another family somewhere in the country. The details of the actual disagreement are hazy, but claims that Illusive disrespected several of his fellow leaders across the country seem to have some basis in fact. From what we gather, Illusive decided that membership in his family was for life, and that the member must die. He was not necessarily wrong in doing this, it was what he did after that was the final straw.
He took a protection shot from his member, Gerardus, that was witnessed by a prominent member of Las Vegas and reported immediately. Taking pro shots after disrespecting and bickering with the leaders of other cities is a surefire way to get yourself six feet under.
Kimble expressed regret that Senza had to be removed as well; he did come from her family after all, and was originally authed in South Side by her. But due to her connections to Illusive, and obvious interest in his life continuing, she had to be removed as well.
Tycho was left alive and appears to now be heading operations in Los Angeles.
HeartBreaker
Ronin
What appears to have been an inner city removal has taken place in Philadelphia this week, as the families of Bella Vista now sleep with the fishes.
Dons Thrall and Mosley were ruthlessly murdered inside their BV compounds, by people who seemed to have some knowledge of the building's layout. Sure enough, Philadelphia Chairman Heartbreakridge claimed respponsibilty for the take down, addressing the masses later on in the evening.
The speech was largely unattended, and not many of the kin of the fallen seemed too beaten up about it. It was a pleasant change from the incessant whining we normally see after a removal.
HBR's reasoning was less than clear, citing he felt the city would be safer without Bella Vista in the works.
It was a small removal, seeing the death of less than twenty people. The main targets - Thrall, Mosley, ForeverSexy, and Cassi, were all removed with ease.
Horoscopes
AlexMoron
Aries:
Hai. This week you will be hit in the face with a rake. Rake will be covered in your own vomit.
It will be the highlight of your week.
Taurus:
This week, you will be made aware of how exactly impotent and insufficient you are as a human being. You will not take it well. In fact, you will break down crying. Soon, there will be snot all over your face. People will be disgusted by you and will attempt to move away from you and you will run after them like the disgusting little gremlin that you are.
Gemini:
Try not to do anything that involves arithmetic. It will only confuse and confound you and you will end up on the floor, with slit wrists. Mehh, in that case tho…what is 2+2?
Cancer:
You are fucking amazing. Your entire week will just be one non-stop snatch parade.
Leo:
Oh, you think you are so cool just because your zodiac sign is a lion, don’t you? You conceited piece of shit. You will attempt to lick your own balls this week. You will succeed.
Virgo:
This week is an ideal time for you to attempt to shove your head into your own rectum. Not in the normal, socially acceptable way to shove your head into your ass. Nope. Try bending over backwards and then directing your dome to your anus. You might break a spine but it will be worth it.
Libra:
HA! Your name has ‘Bra’ in it. So do you. You have a bra hidden deep inside you. Find it.
Scorpio:
You will be blessed with a chance to interact with a Cancer this week. You will wet yourself with excitement and then attempt to lick their face. It will not be pretty.
Sagittarius:
Try to operate heavy machinery this week. It might end well. Not for you, but for evolution.
Capricorn:
Introduce yourself to a bath. Don’t just stop at a bath, shave that bush. I know your boyfriend says he likes you natural. He is lying. He is sick and tired of coughing up furballs. He is not a cat.
Aquarius:
Nobody really cares about you so I didn’t write anything up for you. Go fuck yourself.
Pisces:
Could you go a week without fucking a fire hydrant? I really don’t think so but maybe you will prove me wrong and sink to a new low.
Ask Cassi
Cassi
Dear Dear Cassi Readers,
I was hoping to generate enough interest in this column to become a regular with the paper, but alas it shall not be. I appreciate the comments I heard murmured throughout the streets about my column in the last issue. I thank Ronin for the opportunity. It was wonderful while it lasted.
Dear Cassi,
This shrewd old man came up and tried to get into my panties. He was a leader of a family and I guess expected me to bend over back backwards and let him have his way with me. I couldn't shake him. What do I do when someone just won't stop harassing me?
Sincerely,
Going Commando
Dear Going Commando,
Unfortunately, sometimes people in power expect things from those underneath them that go above and beyond realistic expectations. I myself have found that a swift kick in the family jewels tends to put an end to most harassment troubles. Especially when you're wearing a beautiful, finely shaped, pointed heel.
Sincerely,
Leg Swinging Cassi
Inhumane Working Conditions at The Cosa Nostra times
Rayln
There have been recent reports of the unsavory working conditions provided by the editor in chief at The Costa Nostra Times regarding pay, benefits and the large one, forcing employees to write against their wills. There have been speculations and rumors for months now about these alleged conditions, but now we have the cold hard facts of the matter and are ready to expose Ronin for the cheap heartless bastard that he is.
My mother was approached to write for TCNT months before her death. She had agreed, but then never made it to Ronin’s office to discuss the terms of her working contract. She had no set pay, no criteria other than, “Write, woman!” and when she did not write, things got ugly.
It was a Tuesday, (It always is in these stories), when Nessa was accosted on the streets by several men who hustled her into a car and drove her to a building that looked like all other buildings in New York (They always do, don’t they?). She was ushered inside and down the stairs to the basement where she was shoved into a chair, and handcuffed to the handle of a type writer.
There she was fed a diet of crackers and water until she produced enough written material to keep Ronin in papers for months to come. No one heard or spoke to my mother in that two week Period of September. Her crew leader at the time, SammyGato, had sent several missives asking her where she was, but she could not read them - much less reply to them.
It wasn’t until Ronin realized that My mother was too stubborn to write, did he let her go, as he was running low on crackers to have with his whine (Intentional, do not worry). When my mother Passed Ronin realized that he was down yet another brilliant writer (High five!) and sought me out. And thus, I have found myself sat here at the same typewriter my mother stared at for weeks, and rather than nibble crackers in defiance, I have decided to expose Ronin for what he is.
So here is my article that you so desperately wanted, Ronin. Here are the harsh nitty gritty details of your business practices laid out for all the world to see. I hope you feel at least an inkling of remorse when you read these words. And I also hope next time I find myself in this basement, forced to write, you serve some nice cheese with these crackers, they’re a bit dry.
Loyalties and Allies
Cassi
So there was an article in the last issue that got me thinking. The writer brought up something about a Godfather of their own district blindly following a Godfather from an entirely different city, sending their family to possible extinction, without even reason. This has made me recall a time. My great great great great... Well, you get the point. Anywho, this ancestor of mine was thrust into a position she had never thought she would hold. Her Godfather was a victim of a gun malfunction, leaving her and the rest of the city reeling from the loss. As his underboss, my ancestor stepped up to the plate to lead the city. She had no one but the other leaders to help her through. And one friend. This friend was from another city. But they had been so very close for a number of years already. She knew that if she needed his help, he would be there. And for that, she was grateful.
Shortly after these developments, many members of this thing of ours decided they had had enough of a certain groups reign. This Godfather and his cronies had controlled the game for too long. They were becoming tyrannical in their decisions. Even going so far as to ban a number of bloodlines from entering any city within the entire region. And if those other cities didn't agree to the bans, they would be punished. Many feared the punishments so they agreed. My ancestors friend was one of those heading that ban. Did she agree with her friend? Not in the least. However, he was still her friend. She still cared for him and hoped that things would turn around.
And then that day came. Almost every city came together to take out two men and their closest allies. Even some of their very own auths were turning against them. My ancestor was faced with one of the hardest decisions she and any other that came in her line had to make. If she chose to fight with her only ally, she would curse her entire city with death. People that counted on her to protect them. People who did not hold the same loyalty, the same friendship with this man that she did. And as much as her friendship meant to her... Her city and their safety were far more important. These people had chosen her!!! How could she ever let them down by CHOOSING to lead them to their deaths??? So she chose. To fight against her only ally, her friend. And that decision cost her another friend, her very own right hand.
It also cost her friendship with her ally. He was of course angry at her. How could she betray him? But her answer remained constant. She would not sacrifice those that depended on her for their own safety. Some thought she did it to save herself, but she would have rather died that day than to see any single one of her members suffer. When she was given the honor of having her own crew, her life ceased to be her own. She was dedicated to holding up her vow of keeping those people safe. Isn't that the way it should be? When did loyalties to allies become greater than loyalty to your own family?? My bloodline has slowly watched this become the trend in recent years. Allies meaning more to people than their very own families. We were hopeful that with the introduction of districts, things might shift back to the days where families were once again the priority. Sadly, it seems to have just boosted the trend even more. Godfathers in districts telling other Godfathers in the same city how they can and cannot behave. Godfathers from different cities telling other Godfathers how to run their city/district. What is even the point of obtaining Godfather? I'm not saying that we should never fight with or for an ally. But when we don't even know the reasons we're fighting for that ally.... Then we have let our members, that rely on us, down. We have sacrificed their lives, that they have given us to protect, for the lives of someone we obviously consider to be better than their own. That breaks my heart.
A Short Summary of Who Has Moved Where Since Duplicity Died
Ronin
In the wake of Godmother Chairman Duplicity's death, our world has been reshapen. Here is a brief look at the movement of families in recent weeks.
Senza (RIP) and all of her auths moved to LA. She took a demotion to Don in order to do this, a move that took many of us by surprise.
Psychopath moved into the Loop from North Side.
South Side remains empty.
SpikeS moved his family to Downtown, Detroit, and took the position of Godfather Chairman there.
Aztec moved from the Loop to The Strip, Las Vegas. Eredin set up in Paradise for a few days, and then moved to Manhattan.
Thrall was moved to Bella Vista, before being killed a few weeks later.
South Philly, Summerlin, and Corktown have remained empty.
A Sit Down With Kimble - Part One
Sir Oswald Mosley
M: Good afternoon Kimble, glad to have you here.
We've all seen the removal of Chairwoman Duplicity and her closest ally, Godmother Visas of Detroit. New York played a leading role in this removal. What were your motivations for taking this world-changing step?
K: Good afternoon Mosley, thank you for having me. When it comes to Godmother Duplicity she is a person I had immense respect for. She truly tried to shape the world in her vision. I had just lost faith in her vision. With her increased tardiness, a couple coarse interactions, and her stone cold demeanor, I saw the writing on the wall.
M: When we take this ''stone cold demeanor'' into account, would you describe the (latter stages of) Duplicity's reign as being tyrannous in nature?
K: No, Duplicity was not a tyrant, nor should she shoulder the blame on her own. Was she heavy handed? Yes. She had... we had to be to get to the point we are today. The wars leading up to Duplicity's rise to power left everything in a terrible mess. It is always a slugfest to figure out who top dog again. In my opinion, she worked it masterfully. Were some of our reasons flimsy, especially down the line? Sure. You have to break a few eggs to make the omelette you see today.
M: Did you always plan to remove Duplicity at some points? The whispers from the underground liked to prophesize the ''betrayal'' of Duplicity by your hands. Duplicity's kin stated that ''I [Duplicity] gave you the chance to prove me wrong Kimble, all you did was prove me right.'' Do you feel these predictions were justified or did the thought of removing Duplicity only arise recently?
K: I am going to be honest. I had never even begun to think about killing her until very recently. The pretenses to the decision I really do not feel comfortable sharing in public, as it would only further damage any and every bond I had with her. Understand, my mission in life was to drive her to the top and cement her there until the end of time. I planned to be her instrument of blunt for trauma forever. But, unfortunately, things change. You can call me a tyrant, but never a traitor.
M: I appreciate your honesty. Things changed dramatically indeed. Whether that is unfortunate or not is up for debate and I personally think we'll have to wait to see. Your position in this world has now changed in some form or another. What do you envision as your role and position in our society, in comparison to Duplicity?
K: We have to understand Duplicity's rise to the top and my own position are vastly different. She had to fight her way to supremacy and build everything by hand. I am only inheriting the keys and having them duplicated for the others who have earned them.
M: Can you shed any light on what you plan to do with the house now you have the keys? Will you try and put your own stamp upon our world or will you try and preserve Duplicity's legacy as much as possible?
K: Clearly, I am out to be my own man. There was a plan already in sketched out for when she departed us. Not to say this was a long drawn premeditated murder, but we are not so careless as to think the situation would fix itself after herself and Visas met their end. Action needed to be taken. Already you can see the moves being made.
M: That gives us a good connection to our next question. What inspired you and your companions to fill up all of our six cities while your predecessor left one or two cities open?
K: I feel these men and women have earned their positions. All have worked extremely hard for their positions in this world. I personally saw it as wasted opportunities if those cities were left open now. Ultimately it was an easy decision that was made collectively.
M: I personally find it to be a fine sight indeed. Now, would you like to explain your stance on a Godfather Commission/Council? Will you be looking to establish one with your fellow (acting) Godfathers? Something that was rejected and thrown in the bin during Duplicity's reign. And if so, how would you envision such a GFC?
K: No, I don't feel like a Godfather commission is necessary in the current situation. I believe all the City Leaders have a good working relationship with each other. I do not foresee any problems arising on the top end of things. We are all adults and will handle situations as such.
To be continued....
Your Stories Suck and You Should Jump Off A Cliff
Dick Baggington
You know who you are. Poorly written, mistake riddled, garbage stories you litter the streets with. Only a slice better than the three line replies your friend spams it with. News flash - you're annoying.
I get it, you want to come out to the streets and be active, and show your boss you have speaking chops, etc etc. But please. Please put some real effort into it. Like, write more than a paragraph or two. And then in the following comments at least make some effort in terms of content. One line of Italics and another of spoken word doesn't count as roleplaying.
I won't name any names, for the sake of getting Ronin into hot water again. But if I weren't inactive as fuck I'd shoot you on principle alone.
And yes, I am a huge hypocrite, telling you to put more effort into your shit, when I clearly put very little effort into this.
Peace out.
Classifieds
The Cosa Nostra Times is still accepting applications for reporters and writers. Please contact the offices in Downtown, Detroit during the normal business hours of 1-4 PM.
Tebori Tattoo Parlor - New York City - Come get inked!
The Brewed Awakening - New York City - It's not a pun, the place is ran by a rude bitch.
Fluffer wanted - Kimble was recently married to one MorphyRichards (rest in peace), but has since found that necrophilia is not his thing. In search of a burly man to keep him excited so he can continue to do the duties he has vowed to do.
The Last Word
Thanks again for giving us a read! I hope we were able to impress the kin of our dear Ragnarok (RuP), as everyone in this life should. He is a god among men.
Next issue should be out mid January, assuming I don't just give up entirely due to my chronic procrastination and laziness.
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