That's right ladies and gents, or gents that dress as ladies, or ladies that look like gents! I have graciously donated my time to fill your lives with useless, immature, and belligerent ramblings. Yep, its happening and I'm going to call these little sessions, well you've guessed it I'm sure, "Wiggle's Gossip Corner."

Although it's technically not a corner at all, but just my lil two foot soap box that I plant my forever jiggling ass upon, the name simple sounds "typical." Therefore since mostly everyone can comprehend "typical" thinking, I shall use it, cherish it and call it my own.

Now please let me make this clear, a lot of what I speak should be taken as satire, no direct shots with intentions make anyone sulk. If your used within this said satire nature don't get your britches in a tussel. I promise you life will not come to a halt. Let's attack the Rumor mill first shall we?

EMoney and Cordelia seen holding hands and sharing muffins made from scratch purchased at my bakery. Does this mean they are a thing? Why yes it does, if you had to bare witness to the kinky shit they had going  atop my fire escape you'd assume the same as well. Not only was it disturbing, but the pigeons were actually distracted from their normal activities such as feeding on seed and shitting on pedestrians. Either way its real I tell you, and if not, I need to find a friendship like they have. Any takers?

Kimble is actually kin to Turkey. Our fearless Godfather gobbles, wobbles through the headquarters on a daily basis. We thought his actions were derived from being locked in a coupe when he was a child while his mother worked the streets to provide, until we saw him pecking at a snow globe that was gifted to him from JackRuby. He was getting so frustrated he jumped with such elegance onto his desk, screeched and pecked at the glass wonder so hard it fell to the floor destroying Jacks heart felt present. Upon witnessing the incident we did research and found out that he was in fact part Turkey. I'll leave out the details but apparently his kin were into barnyard activities. That's about all that should be said.

Yes. Foamy actually earns their nickname. After spotting Foamy leaving a bar, I gave chase. Followed them to the door of their apartment while they took a partner with them and both stepped into the unknown. Well I say unknown because I've never seen this apartment, but really it's just an apartment, no need to get into too much thought about this unknown residence I speak of. I'm sure it's like any other apartment, full of furniture, food, animals, and the occasional blow up doll. So anyways, after a loud rustle, a few sounds of what sounded to be chimps finding their mate, the partner emerged from the unknown. OK the apartment, keep with me here. What do I see when this partner of theirs gets closer? That's right, covered in foam. Intrigued I had to ask them what on gods green earth happened. You would never beleive what they told me, but apparently Foamy indeed has a chimp kept in the residence. From what I gathered, they were ambushed by disco lights, a chimp eating a banana, and foam that was being generated from their bath tub to be used as some kind of sexual escapade. That is all I was told. Hopefully Foamy can come clean and fill us all in on what really goes on in the unknown.

Here are a few more rumors that have been going around which can be further detailed if they would just come clean or put them to rest.

Rayln smells like lemon and saltine crackers. A salty mouth pucker you could say.

FinnDaHuman is actually not human at all, he's a minatour sent in time to destroy our world as we know it.

Aztec was born in Chicago but their father had an obsession with the Mayan culture.

Wiggle's Top Ten

Reasons Why Us Men Of Crime Have Horrible Sex Lives

10. When we go out to dinner instead of paying out of pocket we snatch their purse and pay with their cash.

9. When in missionary we never look our partner in the eyes, we are too busy looking over our shoulder for a possible setup. 

8. When your partner pops the champagne to get into the mood  you fall to the ground drawing your pistol and begin putting rounds into their wall.

7. If we disagree with anything said at dinner we threaten to place them on the hitlist.

6. We see a lady involved in the life of crime and every man within eye shot has tried to get into their pants. Eventually they turn to their own and share details to punish us more. 

5. We lie about what's within those jeans. Can't be a Mobster and claim 2 inches now can we?

4. We pass up dates to jailbreak.

3. We forget that a suit doesn't just make you appealing. Talking about your conquests of ladies that probably never happened does not make you anymore special. If they buy it, the actions in bed never lie about experience.

2. Bold or not, we have become too accustomed with our hands.

1. We take whacking to a whole other level. 

This pretty much sums up my agenda for this lovely evening. Mind you as I've stated this is simply for the out of the ordinary speech, ordinary is that we have grown accustomed too. Sometimes when the world becomes filled with death and carnage its refreshing to take a minute to switch it up a little bit. You can say my appearance does nothing, is a waste of your time listening, or that there is no place for a bit of enjoyment within this world. I beg to differ, sometimes we lose sight of who we are, lose sight of the benefits of life all together. If you can't have a little fun then what's the point? Rob, steal, cheat and murder is in our blood, but sometimes if a vicious circle is born and reality is lost then negativity plagues the community. Let's not forget the ability to enjoy ourselves and maybe get slightly humored by one another's company. Yes a friend one day can be your killer the next, but I also could trip and then discharge my weapon into my chest. You never know what can happen is the point, so try not to feed strictly on the downfalls of life. 

Keep on shaking your rumps my friends. It's not only good cardio, but if you're caught behind the right individual,  *cough* Rita_Hayworth *cough* , then the sight can be a lovely one. 

Until next time!

*hides all traces of simian activity*

nothing to see here, please move on.

This like Muscular Development's "The Freak" Gregg Valentino!  For all of those who know the iron. Bosses need to stay in shape and hot the iron. 

Rushing to the streets after hearing the preposterous rumor about herself she shakes her freshly washed hair which emits a light lemony fragrance. When she stopped at a street to let a car pass she looked down and noticed that she was covered in crumbs of crackers from story time with one of her more difficult friends. She sighed and looked to where Mr. W. Butts was standing and then just shook her head and turned around. "It's all friggin true." she muttered before heading home. 

Jack stood there in silence after Wiggle's speech, he had always wondered why he smelled lemons when Rayln was near, now he knew it was coming from her directly. But what broke his heart and made him shed a tear was the snow globe, it was Jack's favorite one and he had given it to Kimble as a birthday present, as Kimble was always marveled by it whenever Jack brought it out to look at. Jack said aloud for all to hear,

That unapologetic turkey always breaking things I give him! Jack stormed off afterward pissed at Kimble once again.

I have something to add to the rumor mill.

Allegedly, Abaddon can fit an entire bowling ball up there. 

Abaddon smiled a bit when she heard SiameseDream say something about a bowling ball up THERE. She laughed and thought for a minute before saying, "You know, that would be rather sad if that were true. Plus, I think they're a bit too heavy.. Maybe.. Anyways, I don't think it would fit. I'm not even sure if I can lift a bowling ball.. I have weak arms.. Most of the time my servants lift all of the heavy things.. Hmm.."

She sighed and thought to herself, such weird fantasies Siamese has...

Perplexed Asylum can't help but scratch his chin.

This two inch thing.... you've been peeping at JackRuby again while taking a leak haven't you?

Smiling Asylum takes off down the street as if a kid who stole candy from the local shop.

Rita quickly looks behind her to see all who is following her.

You know, I was wondering why you were often walking behind me WiggleButt