A sheet of paper blows down the empty street where you're planning on meeting your dealer.  Curious and hoping to pass the time, you grab it as the wind blows it by your foot.  If you could see just a few hours into the past, you would have seen Marietta Rossi, Godmother of Detroit, throwing the sheet of paper into the wind and cursing.

Dear Marietta,

I wish to file a complaint.  Last week, you ran over one of my "Teenie Weenie" hot dog carts while driving your rather large automobile.  In doing so, you completely ruined my inventory and frightened the operator.  I don't believe that the young man will ever recover from the emotional scarring of having his tiny sausages crushed by your giant car.  I'm not sure, but I believe that you were intoxicated when the incident happened.  Witnesses reported you swerving throughout Detroit, stopping once to urinate in a mail box.  (Regarding that, I should be complining about the stains on my monthly package from the "Jelly of the Month Club", but I'll refrain.  Needless to say, this month's jelly, "Jalepeno-grape" will not be enjoyed by yours truly.  Instead, I'll be sending it to Pedro Rourke, as a Christmas gift.) This sort of behavior is very unbecoming of a Godmother and a lady.  As a gentleman, I am coming to you personally, rather than to take the matter to court, lest you face a terrible scandal.  Imagine the headlines: "Drunken Woman Crushes Teenie Weenie!"  Or, "Defenseless Wieners Run Down by Drunken Godmother!"  To spare you the embarassment, I am prepared to settle for the sum of three million dollars.  This includes the ten dollars of merchendise that was destroyed, the twenty dollar hot dog cart, and two million, nine-hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine-hundred seventy dollars for the emotional damages.  I'll accept a money order or a personal check.  Thank you for your attention to this matter.  I'm sure that it won't happen again.

Sincerely,

Mr. Negative

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I wish to know. How are you able to write these without Marietta getting pissed off?

Thats why I said.This letter is under the comedy genre,lets see what Marietta has to say about this.

I meant to say that I agree with mnirem and I cant wait to see what Marietta has to say about this.

he could have just wanted to send a friendly letter to his godmother to express his feelings

Probably so...but you dont approach her like that.Where's the respect at?

he is only joking its nothing to serious to get all ampted up about

Yeah,but she is apart of the upper structure and you keep stuff like that to a minimum.

Shakes her head as she drops the letter back to the ground.

This saddens me that Mr_Negative doesn't see the true, if misguided, purpose of the Godmother's drunken destruction of this hot dog stand. I know that Miss Rossi loves her hot dogs--as she does anything thick and meaty--but I'm afraid that she never found that a single Teenie Weenie could quite satisfy her. I'm sure that, in her stupor after the fine girl's night out we had, she found herself desiring to consume some victuals, and the Teenie Weenie stand presented itself. In her befuddled thoughts, she probably thought that if she could fill her car with multiple Teenie Weenies, that she could finally satiate herself. Now, her car is, as was noted, very wide and spacious in both the front and back seats to fit the many passengers she has in both. So I'm sure she decided to pack her car with as many Weenies as she could at a time, as is her wont. However, in her drunken haze, she thought she could accomplish this by simply hitting the hot dog stand and the merchandise would simply fall in, as you may see in a cartoon.

So the moral of this story, I suppose, is to keep your children and Godmothers away from cartoons. They rot the brain, really.

Lily checks her watch briefly and, realizing that she's already late for an appointment, runs off like a white rabbit.

Dear Lily,

The moral of the story is: You can't trust the system.

Dear Godmother Aurora,

I'm not part of the system. Hot dog men can't buy me.

Sincerely,

Lily

Dearest Lily,

What about retarded men who wear hockey helmets and eat large quantities of paste?

All my love,

Corky

I just hope she doesn't destroy my Dinky Donut stand!

My cutest Corky,

Men such as that are the ones that hold the keys to my heart.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

Lily

Dear Mister Negative,

We have spoken about this before several times. By writing to me you are in violation of the restraining order that I had placed against you seven years ago. Seven years.

As for this unfortunate "teeny weeny demolition" incident, I think that you will find it was NOT indeed me behind the wheel of that car. I prefer other people to do the work for me. You'll never see this woman parking her car in someone else's garage, when they will do it for her. Oh no, I have a bit more class than that.

If anything, this seems like a desperate cry for attention, as were your last few lawsuits. Take a look through your archives and you will see that every year on the same date you try to contact me for a ridiculous sum of money. Last year it was for your business selling shaved pussycats. The year before it was your Grade A Man(made) Meat Factory. I hardly think that I'll be forking or spooning over any money for your ventures any time soon.

I desperately hope that you will seek help. Preferably from a professional. I'd truly hate to see you continue on this path to destruction, because ultimately, you'll push away all the people that care about you in your life, and will be stuck alone with nothing but a teenie weenie in hand.

Don't contact me again,

Marietta Rossi

Dear Marietta,

I miss you, too.

Love,

Mr. Negative

Puck picks up the paper while waiting to sell the barbs in his plastic..After picking it and see a series of letters from the Godmother of Detroit and a mafiso named Mr_negative. He burst out laughing.

"I sure hope i would always encounter this kind of papers"

Still waiting for the dealer He tries to write a letter to but dont know where to begin

-Puck-

Mr_Negative,

Should you need witnesses in court as to Marietta's state of mind, I am a professional. Not once, but twice in the last 48 hours has she been intoxicated. Furthermore, it would appear that she swings both ways.

Sincerely,

Caius

Dear Caius,

Whatever you do, don't let her near your frankfurters.  Just a word of advice.

-Negative

Mr_Negative,

Never in a million years would she get near my frankfurters. I have round the clock guards in place, since I know I am just too damn attractive. Perhaps I'll spend a few hundred quid and get BrianRourke to guard my frankfurter personally... she can't go through that awesomeness.

Caius