** Raises his hoof and silences the assembled crowd **

Gently drops a load...after all it is important to not speak on a full stomach

Today I wanted to come to you to explain a little about my rise to the top of the Barnyard Family in Mooo Orleans.

It all started with my invite request to the then Don of Las Vegas Tallien. I chose him as he seemed vocal in the streets and represented the sort of man I would be interested in joining (friend to the cow). SO anyway, I made a short introduction which apparently was not good enough. Tallien demanded more, he demanded a Moooootiful song. Off I went to the recording field and jived with my turkey friends to produce what can only be described as a Jedward challenging tune. I presented this back to Don Tallien and he responded by saying, and I quote directly "If you can steal purses half as well as you Mooo then you will make me a very rich man". I told him "Grannies are my speciality". We agreed that this was not actually relevant to the purses comment. So the upkick of all of this was an invite to a thriving family.

At first it was difficult, other friends to the cow such as Oderus, G_man and Hill-Billy_John viewed my existence as a quick way to a tasty steak. To counter this finger licking monstrosity I carefully sliced a chunk of back steak off of my Muttocks and slipped it into the kitchen. The next morning Jen greedily munched it for breakfast (she would do anything for a slice of cow). I then got the boys around the table and explained to them that I was in fact a very special cow - I had BSE and anyone who suckled from my sweet udders would die from CJD. At first no one believed mighty bovine but then Jen started to get sick and quire recently passed away (GRHS). As you can imagine I then had lots of friends. It was great.

Next, I decided to continue to develop my outside presence by commenting on some speeches in our fine streets. I saw my colleague from the Northern Lights Hazelspoon_Flamengo make a wonderful speech, so after considering deeply an appropriate response I gave him a fairly long "MOOOOOOOOOOOO". He complained to Don Tallien. To this day I do not know why as such a response is really the ultimate bovine honour. Nonetheless apparently more lengthly discussions were preferred. I noted this on the barn wall. One of many Mootes.

As my street credit continued to rise I ploughed through work in the HQ and made my way up the ranks to Cowpo. I competed gamely with Ragnarok and Hazelspoon_Flamengo to gain more senior ranks and complete our duties before one another. Usually they beat me as these damn hooves are not as good at grabbing purses undetected as hands. Shortly after Don Tallien moved to New Orleans, Ragnarok returned to Las Vegas and I was one amongst few in the family of a godfather. In her dying hours Jen also returned to Vegas (GRHS). As things progressed it became clear that I was basically the most incredible cow mafioso of all time. Some argued I was the only cow mafioso so it was a stupid trophy to claim but I trampled them to death so it was cool.

Then one day a fateful conversation happened between Godfather Tallien and I. It went a little bit like this (mostly not but you get the point):

Tallien: You have done well today Cow
GiovanniBovine: Thank you Godfather, it is always a pleasure to serve
Tallien: Have you ever thought about moving to your own pasture serving me as a captain Cow?
GiovanniBovine: I had considered it my liege but not seriously to this point
Tallien: The time may well be now fine Cow
GiovanniBovine: It would be my honour
Tallien: That'll do cow, that'll do

As he uttered those now famous words this cow became a Cow.

And that is the story of Bovine auth. Come back next week for tails of Bovine's first week as a leader including: (i) Attack of the snail (ii) When boy meets boy and (iii) The trials of war

Thats awesome

Bovine, because of you, I dont eat steak as often. I still eat steak, naturally, its too damn good to let go. But I never eat steak when I visit New Orleans, or snail for that matter. To do so would be rather disrespectful to The Mooo Orleans Farmyard. We grew up together, two young punks, one swaying back and forth on four legs, wrecking havoc, and the other stumbling about on two. But we worked hard for Don Talline (GRHS), and the chance was given to us to lead. I stand here today saying, 'MOOOOOOOOOOOO, Long Live the Cow' and I look forward to leaning agianst the street sign to hear your next tale sir!

Great story Bovine but you made only one mistake i do not eat anything that come out of a cow i do not even drink milk:)

Mario stands up.claps loudly. AWESOME! Bovine nice speach.ur the COW! and u will do ur city good and ur members are lucky to have such a good leader.