Blasphemy!

A bum's paper of choice!

Issue II

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Hello guys!

I would just to thank you all for reading Blasphemy!

-Alexander-

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~November 19~

Made Man and family leader in Saint Louis, along with her Right Hand Man went off to complete a job today and were never seen again. I have reason to believe they got in a fight with Rufus over shoes and were taken out of this world prematurely. May you rest in peace, Fizztastic and Rizztastic.

BrustyNutz, a well-known Boss of Pip's family passed away today. Rest in peace, sir.

I would also like to note that Paulie_Walnuts_Jr has taken his own life today. Rest in peace.

Don CrazyNine made a speech regarding his new family, The Imperial Hawks, today. Congratulations once again, sir!

Don Grassboy made a speech about the protection of former Master Exploders members.

92 people died today.

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~November 20~

Bobblegob, former Right Hand Man to Don Grassboy of Saint Louis was given the nod to open up shop. His family has been named The Luzhniki Soviets. In case you didn't know, Bobblegob's father was the Godfather of New Orleans, Death-Knight. His Right Hand is ColdBlood, who's father was Mr_Mysterious, a former leader of New Orleans. Congratulations on your new family.

64 people died today.

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~November 21~

Editor of the Mafia Times newspaper, Tommy-Gato took his life today. We are still speculating as to why. However, we believe it may have something to do with the issue of The New York Post or the rumors that The Bloody Tissue will be returning.

I would like for everyone to notice that Don Lucretia_Borgia has released her own newspaper entitled The New York Post. If you have not taken a gander at her paper, you are truly missing out. Great job Lucretia.

105 people died today.

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~November 22~

In a tragic accident, MissFreedom was killed today. She boarded her plane at 2:22 today headed from Los Angeles to New York. It seems that 20 minutes into the flight the plane had malfunctions and crashed. MissFreedom as well as her Right Hand Man GillianSeed died in a fiery explosion. We are still speculating as to whether this was a freak accident or if there is more behind it. Either way, it is a sad day for New Orleans. May the Rampaging Ninjas rest in peace.

Shortly after the death of MissFreedom and GillianSeed, Grin came out to give a speech about the former members of the Rampaging Ninjas being protected by Saint Louis.

Don Iota of New York was given the thumbs up to move over to Chicago today. Shortly after switching over to Chicago, he approached the Godfather and they had a talk. The talk led to a gun fight in which Iota put three bullets through the godfather's chest. He has now taken over the position as godfather of Chicago with Consigliere Vinnie_BagoDonuts as his underboss. Congratulations to all members of The Crackerjack Coalition and The Outfit.

Nichola, a Made Man from Tie's family was shot in a local pub today.

Hot_Temper, Made Man of Quirinus's family passed away today. Rest in peace.

Crisis, a boss of Iota's passed away today. Rest in peace.

97 people died today.

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~Random Topic~

The topic of the week is: Rainbows!

I spoke with a few professionals today, here is a bit of what I learned. Donald Ahrens wrote in his text Meteorology Today, that a rainbow is "one of the most spectacular light shows observed on earth."

A rainbow is the colors of the sun spread out into its spectrum of colors and diverted to our eyes by water droplets.

A fun fact, have you ever noticed that when you are looking at a rainbow, the sun is always behind you?

Another fun fact! Did you know that two people never see the same rainbow?!

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~Ask Wally!~

Dear Wally,

What does it take to become a leader and do you think I have the qualities?

yours truly,

Anonymous

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Well Anonymous,

It takes alot of work to be trusted with the ability to run your own family. The needed qualities are different depending on your leader and Godfather/Godmother. A few universal qualities are being respectful, hardworking, determined, intelligent and to have good leadership skills. As to whether or not I think you have a chance of setting up shop, nothing is written in stone. Just work hard.

yours truly,

Wally Coconuts

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~Rant~

What's with the people today? They come out in the streets uttering crazy nothings as if they have been drinking for hours on end. Hm, now that I think of it, maybe they have been drinking. These people come out here and utter weird things like "lol" "XD" ":)", what the hell is all of that?! I think I have figured out what the last two mean! I think that they are a developing sign language for bums! Yes, that's right. Bums!

Also, I was robbing a bank the other day and some random man comes up to me and shouts "Good read!" After this, I was left quite bewildered as to what the hell the guy was talking about. He nearly caused me to drop my money as I ran out the door.

That is all.

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~Odd Accounts~

I swear I saw Rufus in the park today stealing people's shoes. I may be a bit drunk, but I am sure you are supposed to steal their money. Way to go Rufus! You are our favorite bum!

This may be another drunken account, but I could swear I saw Recro and Savannah under a tree in the park making love. I am not completely sure it was them, but there are not many pregnant women that walk around with Recro..In fact she is the only one!

Bruiser was seen at a local club beating up some chumps, as usual.

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~Top Songs~

1) Fred Astaire, "Night and Day"

2) Ted Lewis, "In a Shanty Old Town"

3) Leo Reisman, "Paradise"

4) Bing Crosby, "Please"

5) Guy Lombardo, "We Just Couldn't Say Goodbye"

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~Advice~

Alright guys, I shall speak to you about suicide. It's not cool. All of your friends may be doing it, but it is not cool. I am not sure what you guys gain from suicide, I mean..after all, you end up dead. I would like to say that if you commit suicide, in my eyes, you lose respect from everyone that knew you. Quite a few people look down on your children for it as well.

That is all.

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If you would like to have a column added to the next issue, write it up and send it to me in a letter. If your column is used, you will receive a check.

I would like to note that I will not be hiring people to work for my paper. I do not need assistants, editors, interviewers, reporters, analysts, etc etc. I do not need those kind of people because I like to think of this paper as a privately owned hobby. Will I try to suit the community? Yes. Will I bend to the communities every whim and desire? No.

Alexander "Bloedsuier" Nacht - Editor

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"Takes the paper in the hand. Take a sip of coffee, feeling the morning air breezes in the hair"

Really good paper this is. Love it. Really love it.

"Keep on reading it."

Bug's is eating his early morning carrot and says..

This was a very interesting paper,keep up the good work:)

Well! Glad to see a paper not feuding with another owner of a separate press. It was an excellent piece and I'll be sure to pick up the next copy as it comes off the press.

Thank you, Consigliere Bloedsuier!

Very interesting in a different style. You do have a few original sections for your paper. Nice work ;)

Enjoyed the news amensly, Well done Blood.

Mustang walks into her local  coffee shop and shouts over to the waitress..

"Coffee and this mornings paper please"

The waitress comes over and hands Mustang the coffee and a paper. It read "Blasphemy!" As she nods at the waitress to put it on her tab Mustang opens the paper and begins to read..

After taking her final mouthful of coffee she says to the guy sat at the next table

"have you read this? Absolutely fantastic! Really enjoyed reading it, here you read it"

Mustang throws him the paper and leave the coffee shop to carry on with daily business