One day in the city of Philly there were two men and they were in a
business dealing with whiskey. Both of the men went to certain business
collecting money to get whiskey for the businesses that wanted whiskey.
Any business that said no to getting the whiskey would get talked to.
During one summer day they both went to the factory that made the
whiskey and went to the room where there boss was. Once they went in
the boss wanted to know how business was doing, they both said it was
fine and they got money from the boss cause it was time for their
payday. Leaving, they go to a business that they have not gone to yet
and asks the owner if he wants to buy whiskey from them. The owner said
yes automatically and they went to the factory and got 6 barrels of
whiskey and brought them to the owner that wanted the whiskey.

Once there they ask the waitress for two glasses of whiskey and a
newspaper. Once the waitress brought them what they wanted they started
reading the newspaper and a guy near them started to act a little
strange and a few moments later got really sick. Everyone in the bar
got the same type of disease and they did not know what to do, one of
the people infested ran at one of them and he pulled out a gun and shot
one of them in the head. The other guy had a shotgun and blew some of
the people away that had it as well. When they were outside a lot of
the people with the same affects were running around and they did not
know what the problem was, so they decided to go back to the factory
and tell the boss. Well once they got back there boss was not there and
all the cash was just laying on the table, so both of them just grabbed
what they could and jetted out of the factory.

They did that very fast cause when they were getting the cash left on
the table the boss was coming and he was affected with the disease and
they did not want to get infected. Once out of the factory they
realized it was the whiskey that made everyone all infected with the
disease, so they devised a plan to destroy the factory. One of the guys
found enough explosive to level the whole entire factory. They both
planted the explosives where it would do the most damage, one they were
at a safe enough distance they set the charge. There was not only a
explosion but it was like pounds of explosives going off, so they ran
as fast as they could behind a 10 foot brick wall that was crumbling
but still standing. Everyone that was in the vicinity of the explosion
got eliminated and all the buildings were as well.

When the explosion stopped they viewed the damage, they saw that it
leveled not only the factory it also leveled most of the city. They
both looked in amazement at how the whiskey made such an explosion,
they saw a scrap of paper on the ground and the label was from the
barrels they delivered from the factory and it said VERY EXPLOSIVE on
the label. They had no idea that the whiskey was an explosive
substance, every time they delivered everyone loved it so much. But now
there is no one in town and all just rubble, once they assessed the
situation they stole a car that was no ones and drove off to a new city
and that is the end of that odd story...

comments would be greatly appreciate...

I like it, but many of the words are repeated over and over...and over....oh and over again. Try to add some variety into it as I began to get tired of reading, "The men" "the factory" "the whiskey" "the boss" "a business" etc.

:)

thank you ill remember that next time.

I echo Veronas comments...

This reads to me like a first draft, like when your brainstorming an idea...  I'd bet a nickel you had an idea, hit post a new thread and went to town...  It's lacking a flow to it.

I would suggest opening up notepad, and just go to town on a story like you did.  Then go through 1 paragraph at a time and reread it, if necessary do so out loud.   This will help you notice a lot when you do a story.  Then after you've modified the first draft and have your second draft, do this once more - only this time try to picture the story in your head as if it were a show on TV or a movie.  Sometimes adding a sentence or a few words is needed in order to make something play out better.  Also, give the characters names to eliminate "the one guy says to the other guy" things... sounds better to say "Franky says to Johnny".

The concept of the story is rather cool. A bit like the mafia world meets resident evil.  Also, it's a lot more fun to leave the story with an "open ending" so someone else can come along and continue it...  You'll find that where you felt the story had ended, someone else can come along and take it in a whole new direction.  For instance, this one could have ended as: "But now they stood there in awe at the devastation wrought upon the town.  Rubble and debris lay everywhere.  Once they assessed the situation Franky looked at Johnny and said 'Get the car and let's get the hell out of town.'"

thank you for the comments Mike it helps a lot