Once there was a gang of mafioso and for the past 5 years have been stealing and getting money from businesses and got a lot of money out of it.  One winter they decided to go to a bar that they did not go to and talk with the owner about some things, after they did they took the money from the register and took off. In that bar there was a young man that watched everything that was going on and wanted to do something about it, well he had an idea but that would have to go through a lot of really important people. So the following week he went to a bar that was owned by the Luenzi family and sat in the bar and ordered a drink. He waited for the right moment to ask the bartender if one of the family members were in the bar and the bartender said nothing so as to protect the family from any unwanted guests.

He persisted on asking and when he was done with his sentence a tall figured man was standing right behind him and he turned around looked at the tall man. He was thinking that it was just another thug that wanted money but it was actually the Consigliere of the family and he says that he wants to talk with him and he takes him upstairs to have a talk. Once you are upstairs he tells you to have a seat and walks out of the room, in the room there is a big desk with a fireplace behind it and around the room there were very nice painting of the Luenzi family and he waits for someone to walk through the door but it has been over 20 minutes and he decides to walk around and head to the door, when he is at the door he can hear talking in both English and Italian and decides to hear in on what they are saying but when he gets to the door it starts to open and he dashes for the seat where he was currently sitting in. Four body guards perfectly dressed and protecting the Don of the family, while the Don walks by the young man he looks at him for a few moments then walks to his desk. Once the Don was seated he asks the young man his name and he says Devencceti and the Don says welcome to the Luenzi HQ.

Devencceti  thanks the Don, then a few moments later asks why he has come to the Lusnzi HQ and demands an answer. Devencceti  tells the Don of his dilemma and the Don asks why, so Devencceti  gave a very good reason and convinced the Don to help in some way possible. The Don talks with his men in the room and orders them to give Devencceti a gun to deal with the gang members who are causing a great deal of trouble. When he exits the bar 4 body guards are standing near a car and one of them tells him to get in, he goes in and they drive to the spot that Devencceti told them that the gang was at. Once there him and the bodyguards go walk and the gang sees and they walk toward Devencceti  and the body guards. They stop about 15 feet away from each other and the gang leader asks why they are here and tell them to get the hell out. Devencceti knowing what will happen tells the gang to stop what they have been doing for year and get the hell out of the city.

The gang leader tells Devencceti "What happens if we don't?" he just tells them that nothing good will happen if they refuse leaving. So the gang leader runs up to Devencceti and starts pulling out a knife to stab Devencceti with, well that failed because one of the bodyguards was already next to the leader and cuts him in the arm. Once that happened and gang leader said to open fire but the bodyguards and Devencceti already had out guns of their own and the gang was amazed at what they had, so Devencceti re-offered the question about leaving the city but they refused even more. One of the body guards told Devencceti to aim at the leader and the other bodyguard aimed at the other gang members. Devencceti said goodbye and he shot the leader and killed him, the other gang members were already dead so the bodyguard took the dead gang members in the water and said all together "Good Bye and have a nice journey". When they went to the car they just laughed and headed back to the HQ, when they were there they all went to the bosses room and one of the bodyguards told the Don and the Don turned around in the chair and told Devencceti "Good job and welcome to the Luenzi family" They all rejoiced cause they got a new member of the family and for many years he helped out the Luenzi family and made it to Consigliere himself but there was a terrible accident and he died from someone not liking him and he was no more. He had a good run with the Luenzi family and he hopes that his sons will join the family as well.

comments would be greatly appreciated...

I think you need to give these people names. The guy, this guy, that guy, gets a bit old. You can write, but you just got to make it flow a bit more together.

Oh ok, it is just that i just started doing this so im not really good at it tho. but thanks for the comment.

See my comments for your other one Johnny...  You got the creative drive, you just need to slow yourself down and make sure it flows.

got it thanks.

your a great writer but it needs a little bit mre action and description. not trying to say its bad because i love it

thanks every comment helps a lot