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| Shoot Out | Started by: Charles-Luciano on Dec 19, '09 15:40 |
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I woke up at about I went out for my jog when all of a sudden a car swerved right Hit men: This is for you lucky (they screamed out the But they were amateurs. I jump behind some trash cans The driver's seat belt got stuck so I shot him in the head, I was Hit man #2: You fuck, you shot my brother Both of them ran Me: You try to kill me do you know who the fuck I am Then I took the money and the jewelry they had. And the So I ran back to the condo. And called up the boss Benny So then I called my brother Louis luciano. To come with So I took my Porsche and picked up my brother then headed We reached their and went into the house. Benny , Billy, Me: Some three idiots tried to kill me, if I didn't have Louis: We have to be watching are back. Our name should Benny: I'm sorry about that we will take care of it. But Michael; we found out who put the hit on you. It was Joey Me: I know him me and him got into an argument Billy: We got information on when we could hit them back. Benny: You will stay here, you two will be accompanied by So we stopped by are condos and got are stuff The next day Michael came by Michael: okay their going to meet in an abandoned building Michael: 15 men will be with you two and you will be Me: okay we will take care of this, and bring back the Louis: That's right Michael: And if you take care of this you will most So we wait the two days and when we got the call we got Everything went according to plan. We got set up in The dummy Joey trusted them. But what we didn't know They shot while we We took my brother, A day later when I went to visit him Billy, Benny and Michael |
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When you read this please leave some kind of comment here. So I can perfect my sequel |
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| Reply by: Charles-Luciano at Dec 19, '09 15:52 | |
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When you read this please leave some kind of comment here. So I can perfect my sequel |
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| Reply by: Charles-Luciano at Dec 19, '09 15:52 | |
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It's pretty good. Next time, though, don't bold it all. Kind of annoying. Also, add some more detail and diologue. |
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| Reply by: mnirem at Dec 19, '09 17:59 | |
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I liked it alot. So if your making another one it should be a add on to this one like as if it was a set up with in your family or somthing |
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| Reply by: KingMe3 at Dec 20, '09 23:24 | |
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wat type of shit thread is this fuck boy |
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| Reply by: killa-hobie123 at Dec 20, '09 23:41 | |
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nice writing.. i actually liked it |
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| Reply by: sWaG at Dec 20, '09 23:57 | |
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pretty good writting |
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| Reply by: dee123 at Dec 21, '09 00:25 | |
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good read i liked it |
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| Reply by: DominicGranados at Dec 21, '09 01:04 | |
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it's too perfect lol. |
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| Reply by: cj at Dec 21, '09 12:40 | |
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Its good its kind of like reading of a book |
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| Reply by: Pistone at Dec 21, '09 13:47 | |
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It's pretty good. Missing a couple of words and a couple pauses where you didn't need em. Over-all it was alright. |
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| Reply by: Chaotic at Dec 21, '09 14:14 | |
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