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| The New York Times: Volume 2 | Started by: Sledge-Hammer on Dec 05, '07 15:21 |
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Inspector Sledge-Hammer stood on the corner of west and 23rd, New York City with a slightly maniacal smile upon his face. A light breeze carried a few leaves swirling around his well-polished shoes like a small flight of the Valkyries, while at the same time ruffling his blonde hair like an affectionate mother. Alright so newspaper duty wasn't all that bad. It wasn't raining, he was in the open air and everyone who passed by his Newspaper Stand offered a tight, slightly concerned grin or else ignored him completely. He had that effect on people. He wasn't unhinged. But he'd casually describe himself as trigger happy to anyone that asked. His suspension from the San Francisco PD in the wake of allegations of excessive force, again, had led him to New York. Back home they had to carry his personnel file around in a wheel barrow so it was great to be in the Big Apple with no burdens or responsibilites. But he'd been here a while now. He'd needed money. Work with the New York outfit seemed like a good plan. He'd asked for nothing heavy in case he came to love it too much. So they'd stuck him on this Newspaper Stand. That was fine. If anyone from the department or IA found him, he could simply tell them he was undercover. If any young punks tried to steal some of his papers....Well.... He reached under his sports jacket to gently caress the .44 silver magnum holstered there. He was a man out of his time and that gentle caress always reassured him.... If that happened he'd lay on some family action for himself. And probably ask the questions later. And if the family themselves offered him more action...Well. He'd have to think about that if it happened. The last guy doing this job, Rhydian-Roberts, some blonde haired guy who wore silver jackets and whom Hammer had seen on police files, took two in the head while acting as the family Right Hand Man. At least they didn't whack him while he sold the newpapers, Hammer thought with a smile. A Newspaper Stand wasn't the best cover but it was something. He held out a paper hopefully to a passer-by, hoping they wouldn't need change, for he was almost out. The New York Times: Volume 2 50 Cents Proudly serving the Five Boroughs of New York and the Nation ALLEGED MOB BOSS SLAIN! By John Q Law It was in the early hours of December 3rd that a devastating blow was struck against the Java Cartel of Philadelphia as their Boss and Family Head Three was assasinated in her plush Philadelphia apartment. The murder, a largely decisive blow in the war between the Philadelphia Cartel and Badass Inc of Chicago, came after a bloody onslaught against the button men and hierarchy of the former that left at least 25 dead across America. No public reasoning from either Badass Inc Consigliere Oliver_McTavish nor from law enforcement has yet been forthcoming in explaining the carnage. Those underworld sources that chose to give information to the New York Times suggested a planned coup that was largely unravelled in and around the time of the murder of Chicago Made Man Bed, who was found shot to death in an apartment complex, as the catalyst. Details of the alleged coup are vague at this time. It is not known who the primary participants were, nor if Cartel Boss Three was aware of the alleged plot. What is known is that the Chicago Mob struck quickly, assassinating prominent Philadelphia Mafia Captains Maxwell and VonGaunt in quick succession. The former had a fearsome reputation that assured him special treatment at the hands of his killers, while the latter was allegedly on the verge of expanding out to form his own operation, making the timing of the hits particularly unfortunate for both their followers and friends. Somewhere in between Java Right Hand Man Pr_Rep also fell, along with Java Made Man Spanky_McSpangle. Chicago Boss -TheGuardian- was shot dead in a brief retaliation but with many prominent members of the Java Cartel already dead themselves, the numerically superior Chicago Mob continued to pour it on. Coupled with the element of surprise, this was enough to keep the casualties largely one-sided. In the wake of Three's death, Philly Lieutenant Uh-Huh fought a dogged rearguard action, during which RonMexico Wise Guy associate Danger, Chicago Captain SalvatoreTheBear, New York acting Right Hand Man Rhydian-Roberts and mob defector innocent_azn were all killed. The assasination of Uh-Huh in a crowded market brought an end to the mob violence that has shocked America and put the Mafia on all the front pages again. With the fall of Three, Philadelphia now has a vacany in organised crime that will doubtless be filled. An LA Businessman: TylerDurden By John Q Law We'd set ourselves up in a nice hotel, not far from LA. We'd originally been told to wait by a public telephone box at a pre-determined time. When the caller gave us directions to the Hotel, we went immediately and waited in the lobby. After fifteen minutes and a round of orange juice, a bellhop approached and directed us to an upstairs room. After a few more minutes Mr. Durden entered the room, flanked by two large, surly men. Though dwarfed by the muscular behemoths surrounding him, Mr. Durden, in his impeccable three-piece business suit, hardly appeared to be a man easily pushed around. In fact, quite the opposite. Once he sat down and began talking with the nice reporter man that happened to be myself however, it became clear that he was not a scary monster after all, but a friendly, approachable man who just so happened to be the head of a national crime syndicate. He lit up a Cuban as he sat down, and gratefully accepted the glass of Scotch provided by the bartender. I began by asking him a simple question Q: First of all Tyler, many congratulations on your promotion. Why LA? A: Why Los Angeles? The city and I have a history. Many generations ago, my family first came to these shores and made it big working out of LA. Since the unfortunate demise of Scandia, the city has fallen on hard times. I felt I owed it to give something back to the city that gave so much to my family. Q: As a man who can be described as a career criminal and alleged senior Mafia member, how do you balance such a description with your regular business activities? A: Career criminal? What's a Mafia? I'm a shrewd businessman, nothing more. I've recently started a small social club in Los Angeles, where myself and several other legitimate businessmen meet for drinks, cards, and occasionally capping a stoolie or two. It's nothing to be worried about. Are you wearing a wire? At this point I became slightly nervous. Mr Durden hadn't said anything, it was just a feeling. I momentarily regretted my decision to open the interview with a less than formal question addressed to his first name. Q: Upon being given authorisation to run your own family, some people were given blessing to follow you out of New York? Were these people hand-picked for their abilities, friends or both? A: Quite simply, I took people I knew I could trust. People who I knew would be good additions to this little, uh, social club of mine. Granted, they are skilled individuals as well—I wouldn't find use for them if they weren't—but New York is teeming with skilled folk. I needed those that I knew would follow me to the grave if need be. Speaking of which, my good friend -_-AphoticProphet-_- was tragically killed on his way to Los Angeles. I am offering $100k for any information leading to the capture of his killer. Q: How do you feel about the aftermath of the recent war? As a new leader your tenure has begun largely after the events that were instrumental paving the way for you. Some people have heavy criticism for the current crop of leaders. How do you feel about this? A: I spoke at length with Mr. McTavish during the recent war. He had his reasons for attacking Three, and they were good ones. Without knowing about this, yes, it did look a tad suspicious. But the thing is, as a leader, Oliver can't air out his laundry in front of everyone. Our job is not to be universally loved, our job is to protect those in our family, and make some cash along the way. I want to be well-loved by the community in general, but if it comes at the expense of those who trust me, it's not worth it. Q: The name of your family, the Durden Juggernaut. Is there a back-story on this that you care to share with us? A: It actually came about during a coffee-shop chat towards the end of the war. I had several names in mind, but I didn't really like any of them. Then, someone made a joke about the Juggernaut (a fictional comic book villain from the future). All of a sudden, it popped into my head: The Durden Juggernaut. And the rest, as they say, was history. Thank you for the interview. It's been an honor. Best of luck with the paper. At this point we took our leave. The New York Times would like to thank TylerDurden for his time. A SENSE OF PURPOSE By Michael_Vick: Lifestyle Columnist Only the dead have seen the end of war. Yet apparently not if recent street activities are to be believed. In the midst of the anger, the various heated discussions, the belligerence of youth and the apathy of many, one overriding and unmistakable thought hit me. Talk is cheap. Somehow or other, I'm convinced we've been here before. Cast your minds back to the era of your forefathers. When names long dead and gone yet etched forever in our minds eye, walked among men. They could silence a Speakeasy by simply removing their coat, they personally killed men and women by the hundreds and they ran families as multi-million dollar enterprises filled with some of the fiercest killers there ever were. As time passed and all organisations grew it became clear that two stood out above all others. Anita and Scotland. Anita, served by the hulking Ulysses at her Right Hand and Scotland by the polite yet sinister SecretAgent at her own Right Hand. The former began making her reputation by ruthlessly striking down all who opposed her, only followed by all who earned her displeasure. Over a time, her enemies and their sons began to perceive a pattern. Like Hamsters on a wheel, they began to realise that they could not necessarily break this cycle. When the doors of Amber were shut, those turned away had to make do with following other leaders. Leaders who more often than not fell to the guns of Fuckerish. Public discussions began, initially questioning the rule of Anita and evolving into downright disagreement and hatred. In fits of petulance many threatened to leave the shores of the US in search of a life elsewhere. It seemed nothing could be done. Threats fell on death ears and public opinion began to coalesce into what would be mockingly known as Team Good Guy, a moniker that began as a put-down but was adopted by the opposition to Anita as a common theme as family after family fell. As time passed, neither of this top two were free from criticism. Anita was derided as a puppet, Ulysses publically named as her strength and her foil. Scotland was derided as weak for her refusal to oppose Anita when it seemed that the rest of the world did so. Every percieved mistake the two made, indeed everything that could be viewed as a mistake, was pounced upon by their enemies. The question of whether the two families enjoyed success was seemingly a moot point. When raised as a defense of policies that were not a world away from "Scorched Earth," the issue of success was ignored by the masses of opposition that had built up, in favour of more tenuous logic. Success it seemed, was a an alien concept that was easily dismissed when not being enjoyed by those on the losing side. The attacks against Anita continued to grow in strength. At the failure of each, dire threats and predictions were made. With the emergence of ThunderButton after a lifetime of failure, some success at least was enjoyed by Team Good Guy. Ulysses fell. It had taken a lifetime, but one of the most fearsome killers ever seen was finally put in the ground. And yet Anita remained, a female tyrant. The big daddy, one who kept the Underworld under her thumb. And as she remained, so did the vociferous public. Fast forward and we see that nothing has changed. Anita has been replaced by Oliver_McTavish. With the scalps of both Scandia and now Three under her belt, that same public opinion is beginning to rear it's head, albeit on an smaller scale. General observation of the community at present provides interesting coincidences. Some pieces are moving into place. Perhaps before we know it, history will repeat itself in a frighteningly accurate mirror image of what has gone before, saying more for the people who make up this community than the people who lead it. The cynical might maintain that someone always rises to the top. When a same someone always complains about it, THEN you got a problem. Those who oppose McTavish make use of the same rhetoric that was once thrown at Anita. Alleged mistakes and inconsistencies are pounced upon as means to bring more to their side, again with no reference made to success. The mistakes are made to fit the crime and the crime is that Oliver as the highest ranked leader running the largest family, is not fit to lead at all. All uttered accusingly by rogues, thugs and civilians. Threats are again made and again no reference is made to the fact that they are a lifetime away from being carried out. Oliver is accused of being led by the nose. Yet private opinions I have heard expressed some time ago suggested that Three was the one leading her by the nose. A recent war seems to have put paid to that idea. Oliver is accused of going back on promises to her many unhappy family members. Apparently every Made Man and Capo that works for BossAss Inc are unhappy at not being allowed to strike out alone. No regard is made to the fact that thse people owe their position to their Boss in a world where family is everything. More importantly, no regard is made to the actual opinions of these members, yet another facet of the permanent forces of opposition. Maximise your figures when it comes to dissent. The current batch could be anything from ten to fifty unhappy people. The fact that the opposition case was restated several times in several different formats makes me think that ten is the more likely number. To say that history repeats itself is far from a cliche. Are these gripes second time around legitimate? Or again representative of a perennial counter-culture that suffers when not in power? I'll let you decide. PAULIE? WON'T SEE HIM NO MORE A Moustache Pete speaks Alright so I'm a Moustache Pete capiche? I have old values and even older fedoras. Does that mean I ain't right sometimes? Maybe. Am I right? But the spectacle of some woman called inocent_azn made me almost wanna turn over in the grave I never got. I mean, a woman? St-Miguel is the guy, he knows his onions. Only place I ever had my women was out the front polishing my brand new motor cars. Alright so maayybe that's a little bit harsh these days. Since my day there've been a few women I'd have had to do business with. But what's all this about holding back promotions? This gal was talking like holding someone back was a mortal crime, much less your divine right as Boss to give someone a little incentive to work their balls off to put bread in your mouth. Lemme answer your questions for you toots. It has happened, it will happen and it should happen. Especially to you. Unfortunately the last I heard the gal went for a swim after an ill-advised career move. Well whaddya know? Seems like a few others out there appreciate the value of patience too. Maybe I ain't so out of touch after all... THE PYTHON IN THE TOYBOX By Best-Served-Chilled War, dissent and personnel changes are unfortunately formats of the New York Times this week. As a Times reporter, actions that warrant coverage are a poisoned chalice. For those who read last weeks issue, you'll know I covered a simple story concerning a simple man. One death. In a week that has seen 50 deaths or more, I might be forgiven for wishing to groan slightly as I survey my workload as dictated from on high by the Editor. Thankfully I have been given a simpler discussion point, a simple linkage with what has gone before in this edition. Many older figures speak of a world without coffeeshops. The mere mention of the coffeeshop evokes many a differing image in the minds of the people who make up our world. In the worst cases, the coffeeshop interferes with the smooth running of the family. They divide loyalties, they provoke disagreements and more importantly, they provide a form of sub-culture that some believe threatens to erode the very traditions we live by. The difference between the person and their coffeeshop personality in itself is the cause of widespread debate. The end of the war between Three and Oliver_McTavish brings up a new question. Is the war really over? Loyalty on the one hand is everything. When therefore, do your actions go BEYOND loyalty and into the realm of something else? When exactly do you become a hybrid? An outwardly nice affable mobster to a casual observer and an inwardly calm and cool soldier working to a pre-set agenda? And perhaps more importantly, what should be done about you? In war the questions often answer themselves. In fairer times it is often only the hitters and upper structure of a family that will be eliminated. Many more are free to make a decision. Join with someone else or fight to the death. But what of those who fight on after their death? Those whose sons and daughters join immediately with rogues to help carry the fight? This cannot be described as family loyalty. When a family head dies, the remainder of the family no longer has the blessing of authorisation. That ship has sailed. Is it a case that such people act on coffeeshop loyalty? And if so, can they ever be trusted? A few threats have been spoken against the current leadership recently. Nothing overt and nothing too obvious. But should these same people be allowed to slither their way back into the very families they speak against? At what point are subverise actions sufficient to warrant a death mark against a family line? Most will say never, as they probably should. The unfortunate side effect is the acceptance of those who by their own agendas will never be truly loyal to their own Boss. In this world a risk that is absolutely necessary, but need not be forgotton when the smoke settles. IT'LL BE LONELY THIS CHRISTMAS.... A special note from The_Grim_Reaper Christmas comes but once a year. I come but once a lifetime. You do the math. At the very least that's one reason why I'm guessing you'd rather see Santa come down the chimney with a hand-painted cast iron train set and that Teddy with the bow tie than myself. Because when I make the deliveries, you don't have the luxury of sticking around to play with the toys. And unfortunately it's been a busy time as we approach the festive period. With all the blue lights going off across America, I haven't really had time to buy my presents. I'm eternal you see. By default this makes me overworked. I'd planned to fix the guttering and replace a few broken tiles when the last Mafia war began. So while you mortals fired guns at one another and held sit-downs and shouted a lot about stuff that to me isn't very important, I was clocking on. The first few souls I took with me were quite apprehensive. They hadn't seen it coming. By around the fifth or sixth I'd resorted to telling them: "Don't think of it as dying. Think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush." It seemed to help. A few curious statistical anomalies also occurred. As I took the soul of Capo on Earth Don_Monvanni through the blue light, someone else jumped in and attempted to alternatively wrestle me to the floor or wrestle my scythe from my cold grasp. Resistance is common among the newly despatched. By curious twist of fate his name was Man_Donnvanni. They worked for the same family but as near as I could tell, weren't related. They both had a reputation for being tricky but I took them together and on the short journey they passed over as beautifully as a mild spring. I still have my eye on DennyCrane but alas, he slipped under the radar. Three was a pleasure to accompany to the other world. With her Santa hat and female charms, I found myself almost sad that her Christmas presents would remain unopened. But in the true spirit of Utilitarianism I had to think of all those expensive gifts going to orphaned children and the homeless. Likewise with Jay-C moving into a much smaller family into Philadelphia, I'm sure the Philly Turkeys have no complaints either. Rhydian-Roberts sang the whole way, while PR_Rep gave me a detailed plan for this next assault on the market while I nodded from behind my hood. I haven't had such a pleasurable chat since Huey Long when we talked about Wealth Redistribution and Social reform. I've had a bet with St Michael of the Archangels that I'm back before Christmas Eve to bring up someone important. A packet of Chesterfields is on the line. When the snowman brings the snow.... The Flying Visit By Superspud Having left Paris, New York Boss and traveller-apparent Cthulhu quickly found himself on the train to Constantinople, aboard the Orient Express no less and plainly taking advantage of the bar car. Strasbourgh was reportedly uneventful, as was Munich. The tendency of the New York Boss to leave many European cities one step ahead of the furious locals has been duly noted. That said, he should arguably win an award for the most travelled Mob Boss ever. Seeing as how many refuse to leave America lest they be deported back to Sicily and how many more simply have no care to leave America, this Boss is clearly one to watch. Amazingly Vienna and Budapest were also uneventful, though a desciption of Bucharest as simply: "Vampyres" is highly unlikely to gain Cthulhu employment with the Romanian tourism board in the event that the whole criminality angle doesn't pan out. Having arrived in Istanbul and with Afghanistan yet to come, New York bookies are taking odds on the return of some of his party at all, with Sal_Giaquinto reportedly an early favourite to be strung up by aforementioned angry locals for taking cultural Faux paus a little too far. With the mountainous region of Afghanistan ahead, we at the New York Times do hope they have brought their pistols. SPORT In the event of the recent war, all sport everywhere has been cancelled. The fact that our Sub-Editor for sport was shot dead may also explain the lack of pages here. There'll be some boxing soon and hopefully some cricket. If you'd like to write our sport for us...Erm...please do bec...(That's enough of that. Ed) ADVERTISEMENTS New York Lottery Contact Carlitos Way for details The Executive Game: Alive and kicking Contact Sledge-Hammer for details The New York Times needs you! Excellent reporters required. All inquiries go through the Editor. Excellent rates of pay. |
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You should get a Newspaper License from the gods. This sure deserves one. Jay handsw the man a couple of dollars, and takes a newspaper, sitting down on a bench and taking a read |
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| Reply by: Jay-C at Dec 05, '07 15:33 | |
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The Great Cthulhu grabs up a copy hot off the press and starts off towards The River Diner sluggling and reading at the same time. I love New York, and I love The New York Times. These guys have their fingers on the pulse of this city. Another spectacular issue! |
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| Reply by: Cthulhu at Dec 05, '07 15:51 | |
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*Olivero tosses sledgehammer a few dollars as he picks up a fresh copy* Sterling work old boy, sterling... |
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| Reply by: Olivero at Dec 05, '07 16:18 | |
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Some splendid journalism there. Very informative entertaining. I'm afraid I'm all out of quarters, but I do have here some magic beans. I assume these will suffice in lieu of payment, yes? Splendid. |
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| Reply by: Goosington at Dec 05, '07 16:50 | |
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Ugh. My name was only dropped once? Ehh... passable, at best. |
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| Reply by: RonMexico at Dec 05, '07 17:22 | |
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Denny Crane is alive and kicking! Crane with a C! Best damn lawyer, never lost a case! I sure wont loose one to the Grim Reaper! |
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| Reply by: DennyCrane at Dec 05, '07 17:25 | |
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Great job on the paper! Looks like I'm going to have to step my game up, Keep up the good work! Do I get a free paper for being a editor? probably not right? Thinks about stealing one YoInk! Takes off running |
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| Reply by: RileyFreeman at Dec 05, '07 18:03 | |
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Cathy finishes reading the back page and breaks out into a large smile. Superb edition, exceeding all expectations from first page to last. I can't wait for next week. |
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| Reply by: Cathy_Parks at Dec 06, '07 14:03 | |
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