He knew everyone would be listening but it didn't really bother him. Ron had reported the news a million times before and he knew that it was the people's right to know what was going on. From his various travels and the booze and drug fueled adventures, Ron knew that everyone had their thing they were hiding, and it would make a riveting news series to report those things. Ron decided that instead of doing each and every person he would illicit interviews to do entire crews, and the first crew would be the "The Chosen Few" out of New York.

Ron set himself up a podium made of old crates on the side of the street and showed his camera man where to stand. It was his time, time to get back in the light and report the news like man was meant to do. Ron down his last sip of scotch and gave his glorious mustache a last comb down while Greg the camera dude counted down to them going live.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a riveting tale of abuse and perversion, I'm Ron Burgundy and this is your news!

With that Ron looked down and shuffled his papers and then looked back up a the camera and gave his most handsome smile before going on with the story.

With sources not to be named, there were some interesting things that came up this morning in a discussion with the district of Brooklyn. The first sickening tale is that Don Big_Al has some sort of sick fetish in which beating a donkey with a sign gives him pleasure. This should serve as an absolute shock to you, but if it doesn't please see Don Big_Al or his hands for potential work and maybe even some donkey beating. Speaking of his hands, Miss_Niki apparently enjoys something with girls scouts and/or their cookies. She has a insane stock pile of the cookies and I would not be reporting this news if it wasn't revealed to me by someone within her own crew. It is not yet clear if she is just a serious cookie fan, and we are more than happy to invite either of these folks for a live interview to clear the air! This is all for today's crew report, I'm Ron Burgundy stay classy out there world.

With that Ron smiled and shuffled his papers some more until Greg the camera dude signaled that they were off the air.

Bang up job everyone! This is how the news is supposed to happen!!!

Ron decided they would hang around that spot for a while longer, in the hopes that someone would want to do an interview on the news or bring him the next big story. Ron was ALWAYS looking for that next big story.

Miss_Niki was walking along 29th Ave when she heard her name spoken, she whirled around and heard the tail end of @Ron_Burgundy 's newscast. "What on Earth?" she thought to herself, as she hurried over to where the helmet headed reporter stood.

"You can't report stuff like that!" She shouted. "People will be breaking into my warehouse to steal my cookies!!!"

She stood tapping her foot and glaring at him, awaiting his response.

"I admit NOTHING!"Miss_Niki shouted, as she shoved her way past RonBurgundy. "You reporters just think it's ok to invade the privacy of others whenever you'd like." She said as she poked him in the chest. "You come on by my headquarters, I'm sure I can give you a "story" to report."she said as she was walking away. She knew him well enough to know, that if you said story, he'd go anywhere, just so he could get his face on camera.

Miss_Niki went to the Donut shop on the corner and called Big_Al and Teri, so they could roll out the "welcome wagon" Chosen Few style for Mr. RonBurgundy. He'd regret meddling in her affairs.....

After receiving a call from Miss_Niki that a tabloid reporter was setting up to do a broadcast live from Brooklyn, Al stepped out of the HQ and stood at the back of the crowd, listening to the slander that was being sent out over the airwaves.  After RonBurgundy finished his report, they met off to the side to discuss Ron's take on what is obviously a gross missunderstanding.

"Mr. Burgundy, I have never personally been the victim of tabloid trash and must say I am disgusted with this type of low level, bottom feeding news.  The term "beaten like a rented mule" does not refer to the abuse of animals, it is simply meant to describe the type of solid ass whipping that often needs to be doled out to those who disrespect our crew.  Were you disrespecting our crew Ron?"

Al picks up a large piece of wood laying on the ground and grips it firmly.

Miss_Niki reminded Big_Al that the cameras were still rolling and handed him a supersoaker instead. "No sense in bringing more heat. The cops can only turn their heads so much," she whispered quietly into his ear. "He really hates it when his hair is messed up, so, go for a hair shot with the soaker"

Al drops the stick and grabs the soaker from Miss_Niki, pumping it up to full pressure, then aiming it at RonBurgundy's almost freakish looking head of hair...

"Is that a wig Ron?"

Laughing like a mad man, Al proceeds to ruin Ron's perfectly styled hair, smiling as the dye and hairspray runs down his face.

Walking along 29th Ave with a bruised mule pulling a wagon full of thin mints, DannyGreene could see some familiar faces in the distance.  It looked as if one of his crew members, RonBurgundy, was being attacked by his own former RH Big_Al and the lovely Miss_Niki.

He immediately began to walk toward the three when he realized who was involved and what Danny had in tow.  Not wanting to risk the well being of the mule that he had just saved from a HQ around the corner, or risk having to give up the wagon full of thin mints, Danny thought it would be best to turn around and head the other way, minding his own business.

Damn woman has a monopoly on these thin mints.  She ain't getting mine.

Vic is sitting in his chair reading the newspaper and drinking as usual. RonBurgundy told him the last time "Vic, you need to watch my next show..." .

After the show, Vic can hardly believe the things he heard about Big_Al and Miss_Niki. Vic then goes to his desk, takes a cigarette... Still not believing everything he heard, the first smoke gets out his mouth as he speaks softly "fucking weirdos ... "

Miss_Niki now knew where the rest of the thin mints were, as she followed 10 paces behind DannyGreene to see where he parked the wagon whilst he was sleeping. She waited silently in the shadows, barely breathing as she watched him hide the mulewagon full of cookies in the abandoned warehouse on 32nd street. She followed DannyGreene back to his HQ. She stood outside and waited, for hours, it seemed until he was drunk enough to pass out. "Now's my chance!" She thought to herself as she made her way back to the warehouse. She would get those cookies! And, she would hold every single box of thin mints! She was going to charge a fortune for them!! The money she would make! She crept into the warehouse......

As was pretty typical for Danny when he stumbled into the HQ in a drunken stupor, he poked his head into every office down the hall until he reached his office.  When he poked his head into RonBurgundy office, Ron was inside splicing some videos together.  Trying not to look at the screen (some of Ron's video's can be disturbing), Danny leaned his head in and spoke to Ron.

Man, ammmm I gladdddd you are heeeeeeeere!  I thaw your thory today.....are my words thruurrrring togetthhher?  My mouf feeeels numbbb.  Anywho....check out the warehouth on 32nd street.  And take your cme, your cuma, your kimer.....that thingy you film with!!!!  It could break your story wide open!!!

Danny could barely get the words out and hopefully Ron understood what he was saying.  With that he stumbled to his office and passed out.

... She glanced around and crept quietly in the darkness.. She had eyes like a cat from all the break-ins from her life before the mafia. Nothing, not a sound except the soft braying of the donkey. She reached the wagon and opened a box of the thin mints.. She sat there and fed one to the donkey to quiet him. Then, she set about stealing the cookies box by box. She spent nearly an hour loading the cookies into her car. 

She fed one last cookie to the donkey, got in her car and sped away in the night.

Cookie Hoist 2016 - a true success!!

Vic tries to get as close as possible to RonBurgundy before he continues screaming.

"Ron, it's me!" - Vic tries to lift RonBurgundy from the ground, but he's far too proud to accept help.

"I live nearby, I saw your van parked in that alley, and I decided to see what you were covering. And it was kinda easy to find you."

After RonBurgundy adjust his hair, Vic with a demonic smile says: "I'm with you in this... I am also curious to know how far the rabbit hole goes..."

Miss_Niki sat in a secret undisclosed location dividing the thin mints between each of her henchmen. "I want $100.00 per box.. no less.. but if you can get more.. do it. I own the market on thin mints now." she said laughing manically!!