Karen stepped into the streets and took inhaled deeply. She rubbed her stomach, Pine's mom had made a delicious roast for dinner and Karen had stuffed herself. She had told Pine that she'd take a cab home, with all the murdering going on in the past few weeks never knew when the next war would break out. So, a cab was the safer option. At the same time, it was also the lazy option. Karen didn't live that far away and decided to walk. 

Karen got to thinking about the people of this world and how they were filled with paranoia. She wished the murdering would stop. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone got along and held hands and sang and had puppies! She smiled at the thought of everyone going to puppy birthday parties. Then she heard a car back fire and jumped a little out of her skin. Obviously not literally, but Karen had to check anyway. She patted herself down, when she looked up, she noticed TheBootyBandit checking her out. She shook her head and crossed the street, just in case that guy got any ideas.

So, she wouldn't get her happy world of little cakes at tea parties as everyone held hands and played double dutch this week. Karen sighed and faced the reality. Murder was their way of life. Live for the family, die for the family. Blood in, Blood out. It was the way of life. Murder. A light bulb went off above Karen's head. As she looked up, there was a light bulb, floating above her head, illuminating the space around her. 

Murder!

She exclaimed. It would be the next subject for the list! Karen collected a soap box, made sure that Saue guy wasn't around to shove Omerta down anyones throats and continued on. 

Good day folks. 

Karen smiled at the already gathering crowd.

Today's list is......Five Ways to Murder Someone!

1. Killing you softly with my chainsaw of love.

Boy, lets get dirty. You want to take something to a personal level? Kill them with a chainsaw just as they are in a self created climax with themselves.

Karen paused for a moment. She could see her audiences eyes fill up with sinful day dreams when she mentioned personal climax. People could fall into the gutter so quickly without even a drop of hooch. 

Caused from an intense game of solitaire, obviously. Finally winning after eight games can get pretty exciting.

There are down sides to murdering people with a chainsaw. Your friends and family/not friends and not family might ban you from existence if you go down the chainsaw path of life. Understandable really. No, I lied. Not understandable at all. Chainsaws are fun. 

2. Six Inch Blade…yeah, that’s what she said.

Let me paint a pretty picture for you. You grew up in a home where your father may have went to work all day just to bring home half a loaf of bread for you and your three sisters, but everyone knew it was your mom that ran the house. She was a faithful Christian woman and scorned her daughters for being shameful in anyway. When you grew into a young man and saw the world outside of the little block you grew up on and the safety your mom claimed the church gave you, you discovered the world was quite different. 

Some women were floozies. With their skirts just above their knees, going to jazz clubs by themselves and dancing very close to men they just met. Sure, it was the roaring twenties (thirties…or something), but women were not suppose to behave this way! This was sin!!! You needed to cleanse these women of their sin. So you did. With your big, long blade. Six inches to be exact. When compared next to longer blades it looked a little stumpy, but you knew the motion of it. That’s all that counts. 

The girls you killed, they gasped as soon as you whipped out your tool. You were going to slaughter her neck to death and into the arms of God. You saved them. Unfortunately, you killed her before she was ever able to brag to her friends about how six inches was big enough!

3. Axe: Lizzie Borden Style.

Ring around the Rosey.

A pocket full of posies.

Ashes, Ashes.

We all fall down. 

Karen sing song’d.

Okay, that’s not exactly the correct song, but it has a dark and gothic tone to it just like Lizzie’s song. If you want to kill someone, do it with an axe. If you want to kill your whole family? Do it with an axe. Having the axe as your weapon of choice isn’t just a woman’s thing, men. Remember The Axeman, taunting New Orleans like it ain’t no thang? Yeah, he had an axe problem. That devil. But he successfully killed a bunch of people and did it like a ninja. Never got caught. The less time you spend in jail the more time you can be a petty crime monkey!

4. Poison: Romeo and Juliet were so fucking stupid. 

Remember which one is the poisoned cup and don’t kill yourself. Master that trick and I have faith you’ll kill lots of people with poison.

5. Tommy Gun: Let’s get ridiculous.

Because if I don't someone is going to have a fit. Seriously, some grown ass man is going to stomp his feet and have a tantrum until his most favortest darling of a gun is added to the top five ways to kill someone. Can you even aim with one of these or is it just goddamn madness?

Karen sighed at the idiocy of some people.

So folks, remember, in the next war...which will probably be early next week, to pick up your favorite murder weapon and murder the shit out of each other! VIOLENCE! Hopefully you were all listening and reconsider the pure amazingness and downright fun way to kill someone with a chainsaw and test it out sometime!