The Matterhorn towered majestically over the world, gazing down upon the world below him. Today was a day like any other day......today was the day that the Matterhorn would overthrow his nemesis SpaceMountain once and for all.

SpaceMountain and Matterhorn grew up on opposite sides of the park. SpaceMountain was in a land focused on the future while Matterhorn lived in a land of fantasy. Which one was cooler? Obviously the fantasy. Ten huge points for Matterhorn. In fantasies, ANYTHING can happen. Like TWO CHICKS AT THE SAME TIME, but I digress. Both SpaceMountain and Matterhorn were built around the same relative time frame. Matterhorn was created in the image of a historic figure while SpaceMountain was designed upon what COULD be. Clearly the Matterhorn was superior, but I believe I have established that point going forward.

Every day, hundreds of thousands of children came in and out of Matterhorn to experience a pleasure never felt before. SpaceMountain was forced to deal with large hairy men traversing inside of him. He grew accustomed to those men and yearned for their weight upon the twisting, turning tracks of his core. Over the course of several years, as the two friends grew larger and became more popular in the world of mouse ears and dreams, Matterhorn and SpaceMountain began to grow apart. SpaceMountain was upgraded with newer, sleeker interior parts and Matterhorn was forced to deal with a yeti inhabitation. It didn't bother Matterhorn much, but their carnal moaning made it difficult to sleep at night. One day SpaceMountain issued an ultimatum that would resonate through the world:

"You are through here, Matterhorn. I am going to come over there and butter yo bread. You are dead to me."

Matterhorn was enraged and vowed to dispose of SpaceMountain as soon as possible. Matterhorn plotted for several years, accumulating enough snow to one day blanket SpaceMountain in creamy white goodness. Finally, on January 21st in some year established by the current time frame of the era, Matterhorn prepared to make his move. With a mighty bellow from within, Matterhorn avalanched all over SpaceMountain's face and body. White stuff was everywhere. It was tremendous. SpaceMountain was unable to recover and was forced to shut down indefinitely.

A few years later, Matterhorn still towered over the rest of the world. SpaceMountain was finished and apparently decided to enter the world of organized crime. I'm not sure how it worked, but he was probably letting all the mafiosos ride him up and down the boulevard. Matterhorn reflected on his achievements and considered everything a job well done. As he closed his caverns for the night, he thought to himself:

"RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE"

Clearly a mountain could not speak in terms any of you would understand.

FIN.

For years Evangeline wondered what became of the much praised SpaceMountain. Today was the day the world would be made aware of the events that caused the demise of their beloved SpaceMountain. Listening to Matterhorn, Evangeline became a little saddened at the story. Such intricate details had been revealed and it looked that Matterhorn was indeed the victor in the battle for supremacy.

However, SpaceMountain looked to other avenues to express its greatness. The life of crime seemed to be very becoming on the massive mountain and all the ladies seemed to line up for the grand reopening. One could only imagine how Matterhorn would feel about this. Some seemed to take sides declaring that one of these greats was more popular than the other. To this Evangeline thought about it herself, she came to the conclusion and prepared to make a statement.

Which ever one could offer me protection from the feared Abominable Snowman would get my vote.

Obviously I will be wearing all white in case SpaceMountain were to come out ahead. Then I would stand out under it's vast glowing light while I waited in line to greet the large mountain.

Oooh, a talking ride....

This is GaryBusey's kind of story.  I remember speaking to one of Matterhorn's yeti(s/ii?, anyway I disgress) but he was speaking in Mandarin so I couldn't understand him and had to communicate through the medium of dance.  It was after one of Michael Madsen's parties.  Whoo. That party was a doosey.

Anyhoo, in honor of Matterhorn's momentous victory, GaryBusey would like to pay tribute in GaryBusey's philosophical reasoning.....

MATTERHORN - Make A Tricky Tickle End Reason However Only Run Naked

I thank you.  I'm available for Bar Mitzvah's and Bachelor Parties.