"Ok, I know many of you will claim that I have been dipping into my own hash supply or that maybe I have just gone nuts, but hear me out."

"We all lost friends and loved ones in the recent war. Each family lost a valuable member or two. Brian Rourke was not one of them. In fact, he has been dead for a very long time...OR SO I THOUGHT!"

"So I'm walking down the street minding my own business, right? Maybe I'm looking for somebody to mug...maybe not. Anyhoo, I heard this strange sound coming from inside an alleyway. It sounded like a rather large man scarfing down a cheeseburger. My curiosity got the best of me and I peeked into the alley to see what was going on."

"It was a giant man eating a cheeseburger all right. He was also wearing a long overcoat, and judging by the bare legs protruding from the bottom of his coat, he was wearing no pants. He looked startled when he saw me and pulled his cheeseburger away so that it was out of my arm's reach. Not that I wanted it, or anything. Maybe he was just being cautious. He stood up and walked towards me, and with a menacing growl, he bellowed..."

Fee Fi Fo Fum! Who dares enter my alleyway?

"I turned to run, but stopped after a few yards. There was something familiar about the man. His face was hidden by his collar and his hat was pulled down almost over his eyes. He was wearing a large beard with pieces of hamburger bun stuck in it, but there was still something familiar..."

Hey, aren't you...I thought you were dead?

"The giant man lost his threatening pose and stopped to look at me quizzically..."

You know who I am? Really? Wow, that is so...so...touching.

"I could see a small tear begin to well up in the corner of his eye. The poor giant had gone his entire life in obscurity, and this one moment, long after his death, someone actually recognized him. It appeared he was overcome with emotion."

"The giant gave me the rest of his cheeseburger, then walked towards the end of the alleyway, got on his magical unicorn, and flew away. As he flew away, I heard these words come out of the sky..."

Tell them 'Big C' still lives!!!!

"So...did I imagine all of this? Could it be? Is he really still among us?"

"Nah..."

Clearly that was Clause-McSlapawhore. You neglected to mention the part where he blocked out the sun.

"This just in...there has been another Brian Rourke sighting! I have
received news from an anonymous source that Brian Rourke was spotted
standing in line to buy tickets for an upcoming Spice Girls Reunion Tour."

"Now, I have no idea what this 'Spice Girls' thing is. For all I know it could be an insane delusion from someone who fancies himself a clairvoyant. I'm just passing on what I heard. Keep your eyes open for more Brian Rourke sightings!"

Couldn't be BrianRourke. If it were really him, you'd most likely find him amongst a flock of hens, or with a few feathers in his mouth.

You see, Don Rourke had a bit of a Chicken fetish that could not be satiated. This was an ongoing addiction, within his headquarters and something that others tried to keep under wraps. This is when it all came out after he'd roamed these streets for a year.

That's just what I read up on though, obviously there's no one around anymore that can actually verify these facts.

My brother saw the giant BrianRourke, he has two boxes of chicken in either hand.

Evangeline, I've just checked my fathers journals and, avoiding the part about what sounds like an extremely painful Jedi violation, it seems to confirm this poultry fetish you speak of. I don't know who to feel more sorry for, Brian or the birds. Yeah, probably the birds.

BrianRourke > all of you.

"all of you" - Especially Hoopi.

Course he is (was), he is (was) a giant! RIP Brian.

Going to get you, Gwarble.

Are you sure it was Brian? The description matches but as many of you people are aware Clause is also a massive Fat C and is also seen kicking about 9 time out of 10 with a cheese burger in hand. Word on the street is Clause has gone into total depression, He has grown a big beard and is refusing to wear clothes.