| Sep 22 - 02:10:05 |
|
| Post Reply | Post new topic | Page: 1 |
| RA Guide: The First 48 | Started by: RonMexico on Dec 08, '07 02:08 |
|
Yes, my friends, it is true. After quite the hiatus, the one and only true, official, and entirely canonical Random Asshole's Guide has returned. Accept no imitations, regardless of their source. So, you're quite the young man(women gtfo), huh? You've got a lot to offer the world, but there's no money in legitimacy. So you take to the underworld. You're going straight to the top in the down and dirty, you're sure of it. But, dear boy, we all have to start somewhere, and the first 48 hours of our criminal careers lay the foundation for all that comes after. That's why, as a public service, I am proud to present to you... The Random Asshole's Guide to The First 48 Let's get to it, then. STEP ONE: Birth of a prodigy. Well, first things first - welcome to the world, champ! I see you've got a nice little introduction letter from the local Boss, explaining everything you need to know to get started. Just toss that in the gutter over there. Say, what's your name, kid? Name: ScarfaceCaponeCorleone Rank: Civilian Ah. Well, at least you've got your looks... kinda. STEP TWO: Hit the streets. Hey, you aren't one to waste time. I like that. So, you've grabbed a purse or two off of some old ladies, and now you're bored. You've seen it ALL, man. 'Bout time you headed out into the streets to see what's what with the business, and see if you can set some of these amateurs straight on a few things. Oh, what's this? It seems the leaders have instated a 48 hour rule. What does this mean, exactly? Is it what you think it is? Probably, unless you're really slow... maybe I should explain, anyway. See, the 48 hour rule states that young men like yourself are to be allowed 48 full hours to find their way around before being hassled too much. By "hassled", I mean shot in the throat. It would have been the 35 hour rule, but turns out people don't like to do math. Anyway, at this point, some helpful person may approach you and kindly ask if you need anything, and remind you that it's in your best interest to find a family. Just ignore them. Or, better yet, shout "WHORE" and keep walking. STEP THREE: Flaunt it. You can't die for a whoooooooooooole two days! TWO DAYS! HAHAHA! So, whattaya do? You could go learn some shit, I guess, or find a family or whatever, but there'll be plenty of time for that later. You've got two fucking day. What part of that do you not understand? If you can't die, live a little! Go grab that chalkboard out in front of the deli, there. Yeah yeah, now wipe the daily specials off it (making a mental note to stop by for a meatball sub later, of course) and tag it with something like... 'You can't shoot me lol@you :P' Whatever the fuck that means. Tie that bastard around your neck and prance off into the streets. Note: Actual prancing voids the 48 hour rule, and will get you shot on sight. Please, use caution. STEP FOUR: Ruffle some feathers. You're off limits for a while still, you might as well push it as far as you can. Start pumping out vaguely insulting mails, start shouting obscenities in the streets. Get drunk and take a stroll up the block, stop in one of the higher-ups front lawns and drop your pants. So what if you get caught? You're untouchable! And, man, I'm like... hey, I'm wasted man. So... so yanoooowhat? Hmm? Fuck 'em. Yah, I said it and... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! STEP FIVE: Laugh your ass off. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Aha... hahaha... oh... Hey, wait... what's... what the fuck's happening? STEP SIX: Die. You are dead, ScarfaceCaponeCorleone. You were fitted for cement shoes when you called JohnnyAxe "dicknose". Shit. Well, surely your son will have learned something from watching dear old dad's attempt. STEP SEVEN: Passing the torch. Name: -_ScarfaceCap0neCorleonefukJohnnyAxe` Rank: Civilian Oh, for fuck sake. STEP EIGHT: Stand up and shout. That was just bullshit. Bull. Shit. Your father didn't do anything! I mean, yeah, he vomited in that one guy's bushes. And, like, probably a lot of other shit too. But, I mean, he was, like 43 hours in! You're wasting no time in seeing justice served. "He didn't even have a gun!!!" You'll shout. "He was murdered! Murderers!" "What are you on about?" Someone will ask. "Fuk u!" You'll reply. "JohnnyAxe is a stupid guy who murders people and I bet he likes to take it up..." You are dead, -_ScarfaceCap0neCorleonefukJohnnyAxe`. WTF??? |
|
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Club jumps to his feet clapping Thank you RonMexico. I've always thought my idol was you, but you've taught me better. I MUST! know more about this scary-face fellow you talking about! He starts to walk around looking for a man named scary-face. |
|
| Reply by: Club at Dec 08, '07 02:13 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Blaze falls down laughing But Ron, all he has is his "balls and his word". continues twitching on the ground in a violent chuckle |
|
| Reply by: -Blaze- at Dec 08, '07 02:31 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
That JohnnyAxe guy sounds like a prick. ScarfaceCorleoneWhatever, I hope your son returns to our way of life. I'll get him an invite. |
|
| Reply by: JohnnyAxe at Dec 08, '07 02:46 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| *Mrs_Freeman claps laughing at RonMexico* well spoken. =] | |
| Reply by: Mrs_Freeman at Dec 08, '07 03:28 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Is it a case of people not learning anything, or a case of people not giving two shits about their lives around this place? Seriously, was this guy ever going anywhere in life before he called JohnnyAxe names? You guys were going to send him an invite into your little clique's coffeeshop? Honestly, I don't think people give a fuck, and why should they? I mean, before you were given opportunities, you were one of the slowest ranking mafiosi around. Others have given up, and why shouldn't they? He who kisses the most ass is given the opportunities around here...hard work has nothing to do with anything. Hey, wanna spout off at a shitty crewleader? Go ahead. So what that you'll lose out on 24 hours? Your son can be back in no time. It's not like you were going to get anywhere anyway. |
|
| Reply by: Washington at Dec 08, '07 15:25 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
*Suddenly feeling very depressed.* So...let me get this straight, I wasted my first 48 hours being good and trying to sort myself out when all along I could have been tormenting and abusing people and I was bulletproof? *Plunges face in to a handkerchief and sobs* Well at least I got a good home with Monsier Mexico! I hope I don't bump in to any like the fellow mentioned. |
|
| Reply by: JasperRazmani at Dec 10, '07 14:58 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
PheerME LOLS, alot. Man I sure wasted my first 48 hours! Doing petties all day long, slinging weed and shrooms cause that's all I could afford. Psh I could have been having SO much more fun! BTW can I please have permission to MUG anyone who responds to this? I'll take that as a yes! ;) -PheerME |
|
| Reply by: PheerME at Dec 10, '07 15:19 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Post Reply | View All Threads | Page: 1 |
How much do you want to tip for this post?
Minimum $20,000
Minimum $20,000
