*the lost recordings of Romy and Michele*

Romy: Checking, checking, one, two.

Michele: Romy, what are you doing?

Romy: I’m making sure this thing works. Now that we are out of the studio and completely portable you’ve got to make sure the machinery works. 

Michele: What are you doing now.

Romy: Putting on some extra lipstick. Remember from Bronx? The listeners can tell how beautiful I am through the airways!

Michele: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the show! We are recording today from the great city of Philly. Specifically at The Liberty Bell a property owned and not really operated by Rayln. A source tells me she’s too drunk to leave her house most of the time and that’s why we only really hear from her in the mail system. 

Romy: But The Liberty Bell is pretty much the only active business ran by a criminal element. The Philadelphia business district is a spooky ghost town.

Michele: Romy, you are such a bully, remember the criminals just moved back into the city. Though, if I’m honest, I don’t have high hopes from the city heads to put effort into the district to make it any better than it is now.

Romy: Audience, I’m frowning. This does segway us blissfully into our subject today. Families are expanding outside of New York and Detroit.

Michele: Finally!

Romy: And making their roots in long abandoned cities. New city heads, new auths! Very exciting.

Michele: Very exciting!!

Romy: We’ve seen a lot of new auths in the last couple of weeks, but those crews are filling up fast. Just take a look at PeterPerttits and his 8 members….or ten?

Michele: Don’t pick on Peter, he’s a hotty with a body!

Romy: Friends, I’m rolling my eyes.

Michele: Don’t you roll your eyes at me. Who are we interviewing today, Romy? Hmmmm.

Romy: I’m blushing.

Michele: That’s what I thought. We are interviewing the one and only Maximus.

Romy: Still blushing, folks.

Michele: They are both blushing. Remember listeners, Romy was the one that called DIBS on Maximus at Miss_Niki’s prom/district head announcement show. 

Romy: Still blushing here. 

Michele: It’s rumored that Maximus is an up and coming auth for Philly which is why we are in this darling city.

Romy: Darling city. Really, check out The Liberty Bell they have amazing french fries. I’m eating some now as I speak.

Michele: She’s embarrassed eating. She won’t eat in front of Maximus, but he excused himself to go let his snake spit and she’s just forcing them all into her mouth. The french fries, not his snake.

Romy: I just gave Michele an evil glare.

Michele: I’ve seen worse. The agenda today is to check out Philly’s up and coming auth. See who the man is, what the man is about and what kind of women he is attracted to.

Romy: DIBS

Michele: Okay, fine, fine. He’s all yours. We’ll be back right after this commercial break to jump right in.

The radio show pauses and goes into commercial. A blender for your wife. A vacuum for your wife. A cigarette add. 

Romy: Welcome back to the Romy and Michele Show!

Michele: If you’ve just tuned in Romy and I are sitting here with Maximus. He’s not much of a talker, which is just fine as he’s nice to look at. One of those silent and brooding types. Though, I feel once the questions start rolling out he’ll perk up a bit.

Romy: Or maybe if I keep pushing drinks at him…

Michele: I just slapped her hand. 

Romy: It tingled.

Michele: Alright, we all have a drink now. Let’s get started. 

Romy: Hello Maximus, welcome to the show.

Michele: Welcome. Let’s jump right in. Why do you want to be a crew leader? It does have it’s glamor, but at the same time it’s a tough and dirty job. 

Maximus: Because I want to have a crew that doesn’t have to deal with having to support other people. I want my members to worry about buying body guards for themselves than contributing the money to me, to one central pot to be used to buy body guards for myself or my auths.

Romy: I’m thinking?

Michele: So, let me see if I have this right. You want to buy your own body guards so your members don’t feel the financial weight of your protection?

Maximus: I have bought and paid for bodyguards on my own before. I’m doing it now. Why does body guarding one person up have to be a main goal of a crew?

Romy: I wouldn’t said it’s the only main goal or only goal. I do think that without a leader there is no crew. It’s a give and take relationship from both sides. 

Michele: Yeah, a member makes money, you get a cut of it, you use that to protect yourself, which protects the crew, which gives each member a certain level of protection without buying bodyguards.

Maximus: But if I can body guard myself up there can be other goals that will be better at improving the crew as a whole and not just one person. 

Romy: But the way you initially said it is that you don’t care what your members do with their money. It’s almost like you implied that they should not give you any of their cut and just buy themselves direct protection. How will that help you protect them. Will you be reaching in your own pockets to pay for your headquarters security systems and fortifications? 

Maximus: No, security systems and fortifications for my headquarters can be used with crew funds and my own money. As this benefits the whole crew. 

Michele: Your bodyguards don’t benefit the  whole crew?

Maximus: How is that a bad thing? How is that focusing too much on an individual a bad thing?

Romy: what?

Michele: Folks listening at home, we have a blabbering drunk interrupting our interview. They have an opinion on the subject.

Drunk: Fort and your body guards benefit the crew. A right hand, a left hand and a hit squad leader that are stronger, protected benefit your crew. Giving hitters bodyguards benefits your crew. Giving hitters money benefits your crew. Giving an up and coming member start up cash benefits your crew.

Romy: The Drunk just burped in my face and it smelled like vomit.

Michele: Ew.

Romy: You are telling me.

Maximus: You know how many times I’ve been a hitter or a hand and have been given money for body guards?

Drunk: Then you’ve been with the wrong leaders.

Romy: The drunk seems to have given up on Maximus and is walking back to the table they had come from. 

Michele: I’m waving goodbye to the drunk.

Romy: So you want to be a crew leader so you can be a different type of crew leader?

Maximus: There will still be crew activities and I will still try to grow and interact with them. Help out new members and lower ranks, but the leadership should be able to take care of themselves.

Michele: Like, there won’t be a structure in your crew? It’ll just be a whole bunch of people just in the same tag, but no unity?

Romy: I’ve heard body guards cost a lot of money, is it even possible for you to pay for your own protection without your crews help?

Michele: Is the sky blue?

Romy: Michele, did all the thinking break you?

Michele: I just need a minute.

Maximus: Once I am unleashed, given my own crew I will fix it all.

Romy: Uhhh……commercial break.

Add for cigarettes. Add for stove. Add for mop. 

Romy: Welcome back to the show! Maximus has left us sadly, but Michele is slowly recovering from all that thinking so it was probably a good thing Maximus left. He gave us more questions than answers. It was very confusing for the both of us. 

Michele: Mommy, where did you go?

Romy: Bar keep! I need a warm towel over here….or make it a vodka. Both!

Michele: My brain is melting. 

Romy: Hurry!

Michele: We are all doomed. DOOMED I SAY!

Romy: We got Michele a wet towel and three shots of vodka. She’s both all better and a little drunk. 

Michele: Romy, you have such nice hair. I just want to touch it and braid it and put flowers into it.

Romy: Michele, I’m suppose to be the dumb one. Those are things I’m suppose to say. 

Michele: It’s okay bae.

Romy: I’ll let it go for now. Michele, who else do you think will be a potential new auth?

Michele: Porkchop. I just want to eat him all up! I’m so hungry. Just give me that man and two buns and a bold suit.

Romy: Two buns and a bold suit. Now you got me hungry too.

Michele: I’m laughing. I’d like to see WillHayes take his own district. If that fake bimbo Miss_Niki gets her own district a quality leader should get his own too. Black Bottom plus Black Rock. 

Romy: A match made in heaven! Just like us Michele! I’d like to see FayeValentine in her own bold suit. I feel like our criminal world needs more women. 

Michele: I think she is a he.

Romy: I twisted my face at that news. Really? Impressive breasts.

Michele: How about Pine’s right hand…Crystalize or that bum OwenHart.

Romy: How do you know he’s a bum?

Michele: I saw him sleeping on a park bench once. Bum.

Romy: Are you sure it was OwenHart.

Michele: Positive.

Romy: You just slurred. I think I need to get you home before you sleep on a park bench. Listeners, it’s been another great show and we appreciate everyone who tunes in to listen. Until next time, darlings!

Michele: WE ARE DOOMED!!!!