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| Begging for shelter... The TylerDurden Way! | Started by: TylerDurden on Dec 10, '07 19:42 |
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So You've Decide to Dedicate Your Life to Organized Crime... Ladies, gentlemen, random mental patients who have lost their pills, I thank you for coming to hear my words. It has been not even a week yet, and my time as the head of a national crime syndicate has taught me many things. Foremost among those many things is that for every decent, hardworking individual looking for a chance to get ahead in this world, there are roughly five idiots who, theoretically, should not be able to walk and breathe at the same time. I do not owe you an invite. Just by showing up, you do not have a right to shelter. It is my job to keep my family safe and prosperous. Bringing in retards is hardly the path to doing this. So if I don't take you in, it doesn't mean I hate you. It just means that I view you as more of a burden than a benefit. Tough break. But, for all of my pontificating against those who complain about bad things without suggesting ways to make them better, I DO owe the young'uns of the world a crash course in joining a family. Thus concludes the lengthy, and fairly pointless introduction. Those small children in the audience who are starting to get squirrelly may want to start paying attention. 1. Don't cut to the chase. I'm the head of a national crime syndicate. I spend my day dealing with retards giving me sob stories about why I should let them live. My life is more than two-thirds business oriented. So when another nameless, faceless thug starts boo-hooing about how I should give him a home because he is desperate, homeless, reeking of feces, and broke (but loyal and hardworking! No matter what, they are always loyal and hardworking!). It gets boring. Shake it up. Bullshit with me a little while first. Sports, movies, music, the weather, the hot-lookin' broad across the street, ANYTHING BUT BUSINESS! It makes me think that you want to be friends, not just another "cash cow" (as the popular vernacular would go). 2. Speak English It hasn't even been a week, and I have already heard enough Noobspeak to last a lifetime. For these purposes, let me offer you the handy translation guide I use with confusing letters. Tyler's Handy Noobspeak Translator hai=I failed the first grade repeatedly, and as such did not learn to spell simple, two-letter words. If you send me an invite, you will be sorry. ur=Despite what I may say about being hard-working two sentences from now, I am too lazy to type two extra letters. If you send me an invite, you will be sorry. crew=I can't tell the difference between "crew" and "family." If you send me an invite, you will be sorry. thx= See "ur." lol=I recognize that you are the head of a national crime syndicate, but I speak to you as if you were another one of my functionally retarded 12-year-old friends, no matter what I will say two sentences later about being respectful. If you send me an invite, you will be sorry. 3. Stand out from the crowd. This kind of falls into the other two, but I get many people begging me for shelter daily. Your best way to secure yourself what you desire is to be the colorful flower in the field of identical blades of grass. The deadly katana in the drawer full of dull butter knives. The young, undiseased woman in the pack of diseased prostitutes. You get the idea. So to you, I wish the best of luck. I don't want to turn you away. But if you can read this, and still send me a pitiful "ken i joyn ur krue?" you have serious problems. And, to the five of you who managed to read through this without getting distracted by a shiny thing of some sort (hey, I've been there), thank you. |
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Lol-Tyler's gonna beat your ass. Lmao-Probably pisses him off even more. Lmfao- Whats the fucking difference. Rofl-Just go kill yourself already. Just say HAHA or HEHE. -Wolfwood. |
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| Reply by: Wolfwood at Dec 10, '07 20:06 | |
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I understand most of what you say, Mr Durden. However, there was one thing that caught my interest. I'm not declining your opinion, but instead I am merely offering my own, and I will stand here awaiting your response. I've spoken to many leaders, and a lot of them DO like people to cut to the chase. Obviously, this is a personal choice, but the most common reason I've found for a person requesting an invite to "hurry it up", so to speak, is because the family leader is quite busy. While shooting the shit could make friends in the long term, I think a new associate should be careful when speaking casually to a person who is in charge of twenty, thirty, or even a hundred other lives. Personally, I think it's a fine balance, but that may too difficult for some. Afterall, these are the same "lol-ing" people that think "ur" super cool. Do you think they can understand the difference between making friends with their leader and being a hindrance? |
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| Reply by: -Rubik at Dec 10, '07 20:34 | |
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Rubik, you bring up a good point. If I'm busy, I will find sometimes that I don't have the time to converse with a potential family member. But eventually, I will find time. Maybe it's just me. I would like to hear some other leaders input on this subject. |
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| Reply by: TylerDurden at Dec 10, '07 20:58 | |
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| I remember when Tyler first took me me in. I sneezed, and it sounded like I said PWN!!! Next thing I knew I was ball gagged, and Mad_Caddie was having his way with me!! | |
| Reply by: Monkey_Man at Dec 10, '07 21:42 | |
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Just a few added-on tips, from things I've come into contact with... When I ask you "Why should I give you an invite?" you are basically in. I am LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE TO INVITE YOU! Not surprisingly, many, many mental midgets mysteriously mangle this part. (Ain't alliteration awesome?) Here are a few "do not"s for this question. You should be able to figure out the "do"s on your own. -Do not simply repeat your original request. You made a bid, and I didn't turn you down, but I didn't accept it either. I'm not going to read the same slop, and magically think "Hallelujah! I've changed my mind about this guy!" -Do not threaten me. Seriously. I say this, and yet someone will still do it. Happens more often than you think. -Do not tell me you want to join so you can "get personal glory." Sheesh. |
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| Reply by: TylerDurden at Dec 10, '07 23:09 | |
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Mr. Durden, I would like to point out that I think, you yourself are confused on certain matters. You, I will point out, make a contradiction to yourself in this very post. Now, no disrespect intended, I would just like to point it out. In one part of your speech you allude to wanting to be friends with your family, and not just talk about business: \"It makes me think that you want to be friends, not just another "cash cow" (as the popular vernacular would go).\" Whereas in another, you say that you\'re the head of crime syndicate, which of course is right, but say you do not want to be friends: \"lol=I recognize that you are the head of a national crime syndicate, but I speak to you as if you were another one of my functionally retarded 12-year-old friends, no matter what I will say two sentences later about being respectful. If you send me an invite, you will be sorry.\" And yes I know it says \"12 year olds\". Just one thing, is it that you want to be friends or no? Because I am downright confused on the matter. |
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| Reply by: TonyRispetto at Dec 10, '07 23:32 | |
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Actually Tony, Mr. Durden is very Friendly, he left bruises on my back from the pistol whips after talking back to him. I mean he could have busted my face up and then everybody would have known. That's down right friendly if you ask me. |
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| Reply by: -AphoticProphet- at Dec 11, '07 00:24 | |
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Walking down the street, Keats hears the speeches of many distinguished gangsters providing their opinions on the issue . At a break in the conversation, he breaks from the lamppost he had been leaning on and walks out to address the participants. On this issue, like almost any other debate, internal or external, I've ever had the great privilege or the misfortune to be a part of, I believe a small application of Aristotelian philosophy would be beneficial. Excuse me in advance, if you've heard it before, but this lesson has helped me greatly and I believe it bears repeating. The Golden Mean. It has served me very well to remember not only the concept, but the thinking behind it. Aristotle put forth that, in almost every situation, whether it be ethical, physical, what have you... that the most perfect state of being was located not at either extreme, but was in fact located at a point between these two extremes known as The Golden Mean. To use two classic examples: a coward and a reckless man are both flawed, but between these extremes, there is the brave man; an alcoholic and a Puritan are both flawed, but the MODERATE man exists between them. Forgive me for getting off topic. It seems to me that, in this situation as well, both extremes are detrimental to all involved. TylerDurden expressed displeasure with the way he is approached by people; people that treat him not only with a lack of respect due to his station, but with malicious intent towards the entire English language! He wants something that signifies what a prospective gangster can offer his family, and you can't get that in a few lines. -Rubik also brings a good point, in that many bosses just don't have the time to read over a personal edition of War and Peace with every mobmail. TonyRispetto, you say you see a contradiction. I submit that, instead of two extremes conflicting, they are instead merely moving towards the mean. In other words, an invite that demonstrates the skill, passion, and dialogue that you lend to this world and the prospective family, with a concern for the amount it takes up. A concern, I fear, that I share, as I believe this is getting too long. Goodnight, kind sirs. With a nod, Keats rises and walks out into the darkness, staring up at the stars. |
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| Reply by: Keats at Dec 11, '07 00:45 | |
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| Somebody say Caddie owned you? Yea thats no shocker there Monkey_Man. | |
| Reply by: Mad_Caddie at Dec 11, '07 02:17 | |
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When it comes to somebody trying to get me to send out an invitation for the family I dont want to know what they are going to do when they are here, after all anyone can say "im going to work hard be loyal and do anything you want" I want them to do all that anyways when they join, in the same way i dont want them to tell me step by step how they are going to make it around here I want them to get in and then let their actions show me what their made of. I would rather someone put a bit of effort in and made it memorable, give it a bit of personality and tell me something I dont already know. and as for anyone who thinks they will get an invite by sending 5 words(whether the spelling is correct or not) please just save your time or you will just be ignored. |
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| Reply by: Moretay at Dec 11, '07 02:39 | |
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| It comes down to this plain and simple. No one wants a simpleton working for them. They could let vital information slip. Charge the wrong price on some merchandise. Spout off some stupid shit to the wrong person. This is not the life for idiots. And a leader wont last if he takes them in. | |
| Reply by: Monkey_Man at Dec 11, '07 02:43 | |
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Grins Hai Tyler! can I join ur crew? I'm loyal and hardworking. lol! |
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| Reply by: RileyFreeman at Dec 11, '07 03:46 | |
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I <3 "lol". :) It's such a nice abbreviation though :( |
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| Reply by: Sonicz at Dec 11, '07 05:53 | |
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| What <i>is</i> the difference between a crew and a family? | |
| Reply by: Doctor_Cool at Dec 16, '07 18:18 | |
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I seem to have forgotten you can't use HTML... >_> There should really be an edit post option. |
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| Reply by: Doctor_Cool at Dec 16, '07 18:19 | |
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I'am a noob taco..Can i join your family?? *wolf thinks to herself for a minute ?0.o?* I'am already in it xD Speaking english really does help :) sometimes...tyler for the win or FTW (for you other noob tacos out there)j/k |
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| Reply by: wolf at Dec 16, '07 19:06 | |
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