The Essence of Ripping your shirt.

^{A How to by Hulk-Hogan.}

RIP...That's the sound the shirt makes when it is torn in two brother. Not many people understand the importance or even how to rip ones shirt properly in half. Many have tried and unfortunately many have been left feeling as though they were not strong enough dude. I am writing this so all of you fellow mobsters know how, in the future, to rip your shirt properly in the moment. The below guide is a how to guide for all you little hulksters. Remember, it takes poise, confidence, aggression, precision, and most of all Vitamins. Before you begin please know this is not a picture book. It is purely meant for adults. 

1. Poise: The Elegance of the Rip. Many often wonder how the shirt is ripped so naturally. Flawlessly even. It would seem as though the shirt is meant to be ripped. Well it is. But one must not abuse the Rip. The rip is an art form that requires an absolute poise. One would not simply drink out of a straw from the side, would they? If you choose, which you should, to rip your shirt remember dude to know it is to be done slow and graceful. Pulling down gently from one corner to the same corner amigo. Do not force the rip let the rip force you.
2. Confidence: You were born for the Rip. Often little Hulksters will ask me how i have the ability to Rip my shirt. No, it is not due to my twenty four inch pythons brother, though it helps! The true secret is confidence. You were born to rip your shirt. You were always meant to tear it from one side to the next. Do not doubt your ability. In the heat of the moment remember, You are a true Hulkster and you can do it!
3. Aggression: Imagine you're killing someone. I know many of you hulksters out there are killers amigo. I know many of you dont hesitate at the chance to pop a durden. Its the same thing with ripping a shirt. In your Composed and graceful rip of the shirt remember to always be aggressive. Take it by force and do not let go until it is off of you. If it helps dude, let out a little battle cry or a yell as you tear it. 
4. Precision: Mark your territory. Like a wolf that pees on a tree so you too must know where you intend to place your hands as you begin the ripping. Carefully grip the shirt and make sure that your fingers are wrapped around the shirt intensely. This could go horribly wrong and you could do some weird sexual move to yourself. So remember precision beats power. 
5. Vitamins: Take that shit. Remember to take all the vitamins daily. The essence of ripping ones shirt has the most necessary rule in this: You will never rip your shirt without the help of your good ol friend the Vtiamin!

There you have Hulk-Hogans very first short story. A book on how to properly tear your shirt and be cool as The Hulkster. If you have any questions please feel free to mail my publicist MrOwl or Palerider. The Essence of Ripping Your Shirt is up to you. Do you have the desire? You could change the world with one tear. Stay tuned for my next book: Shouting with Love! 

Hestia had just come across Hulk-Hogan's how-to book that explained how to rip her shirt. She took a look at her shabby outfit and thought why not.. The Hulkster's words made her feel this rage she had never felt before.. Then she realized she was sitting in a public coffee shop and that it would probably best be done in the privacy of her bedroom.. 

She made up her mind that when she got back to the Headquarters she would tell MrOwl that a note should have been added to tell the women that read the book that they should probably not heed the advice in public, unless they weren't self-conscious or anything, because she had been super tempted to tear her own shirt.. Which would have been extremely embarrassing, since there were at least thirty people in the coffee shop, not counting the cashier and the janitor.. Then she told herself to keep an eye out for the Hulkster's next book, Shouting with Love. She had always wanted to learn how to shout with love.. She could only shout with slight anger..

Hestia closed the book and set it down on the table, then picked up her coffee again and got lost in thoughts about shouting and ripping shirts..

Zo picked up one of the how-to books in the Hooters HQ. She wasn't quite sure what it was about, but after reading it she really wanted to rip her shirt. Sid this book contain steroids or something? Remembering she had an undershirt underneath, she grabbed the edge of shirt and pulled as hard as she could. She screamed in anguish and somehow the shirt successfully tore in two. Looking down, she realized that the shirt she was wearing wasn't hers... Whoops. She buttoned up her jacket, time to buy a new shirt.

WhiteGhost took vitamins. One day she will be strong enough to rip this shirt with grace and anger!