Flying Pig steps out into the streets and looks around. Seeing nothing but motionless mounds of flesh and tumbleweeds for miles and miles, he walks towards the steps of a New York tenement. Punching a child in the face, he takes the kid's candy and tosses it in his mouth, before quickly spitting it back out in the child's mother's face...

"I fucking hate peppermint!  Anyhoo...Hello Morons.  I have not spent much time out in the streets lately, and that is sad for all of you.  It means that you only have each other to look at, and it is understandable that you would get depressed having to constantly look out upon such an endless Sea of Ugly.  Well, cheer up!  Today you get to bask in my breathtaking aura and have this stunning, masculine demeanor shine down upon you lowly cretins like a warm ray of sunshine on a cold winter day."

"God, I hate all of you.  Sometimes I wonder why I even come out here. You certainly don't deserve it. Anyhow, what was I here to talk about again? Oh, yes.  Things that are annoying me.  We've been through this before, and it is inevitable that some whiny little twat will get his feelings hurt.  Oh! Yes! THAT is why I do this, now I remember."

Here we go:

Number #5:  Matterhorn

Ranked at number five means, I guess, that this is what is annoying me the least.  Actually, it's not so much of an annoyance as it is a befuddlement that no one has brought this issue to the public yet.  It is something that has perturbed me for a long time now.  Apparently, this Matterhorn is openly advertising for someone to be a "Yeti" inside of him.  Look man, I don't care what people do in the privacy of their own homes, but in the mafia we need to portray a certain image of strength and machismo.  Taking it up the butt is bad enough, but when an ordinary man does not satisfy you anymore, you have problems.  If you have gotten to the point where you need a giant Yeti dong in you just to feel something, it might be time to hang up the leather chaps and take a break from the wild alt-sex nightclub scene.  That's right, I said it.

Number #4:  The myth that war is bad.

I'm not out here trying to advocate war or even to suggest that war is good.  Just because war is not necessarily good does not mean that it is all bad, either.  All I'm saying is that if you are one of the fucking invalids who has, at any time, suggested that war is a negative force in this thing of ours, or that it has ever, at any time, driven away new immigrants, then I hate you and I hate your friends too.  I challenge anyone to bring forward evidence of this ever happening. What? You can't? That's what I thought. Now sit down, shut the fuck up, and listen to me, because I am always right and I am perfect in all ways.

Have you ever noticed that there are occasional "spikes" in population growth and in people wandering about at certain times? You know, every once in awhile you might see 140 people running around - at one time!  When does this happen? What, during a war? HOW COULD THAT BE?!?!? Maybe because it is exciting and interesting? Yes, that's it.

Have you ever noticed that at certain times we have an influx of speeches and other activity in the streets? When does this happen? What? During wars or disputes? OMG!!!!

Remember the old days when Cosa Nostra members were swelling in the thousands? Wait a second, wasn't there wars like every single week back then? Nah...must be my imagination.

Have you ever noticed that at certain times people react with intense emotion and passion for this thing of ours, giving them the type of superhuman motivation and ambition that you only see when a mother gets that adrenaline surge so that she can lift the 2 ton car off her stupid ass kid? When does this happen???  I think I've made my point.

Number #3: "I want to be a CL, but I don't want to do anything"

Look fucktards, there is a very good reason that I am not the head of a family right now.  Quite simply, I'm too lazy to do the work that comes with it.  I don't want to maintain an active street presence. I don't want to have to interact with people.  I don't want to have to teach or mentor anyone who is too stupid to figure things out on their own.  I don't want to employ diplomacy towards some six-toed Rain Man who is running a crew in another city. And, finally, I sure as fuck don't want to have to be nice to anybody.

Am I wrong in thinking that, because I don't want to do these things, that I should disqualify myself from seeking auth?  Nevermind that every single leader in Cosa Nostra comes to my house on a daily basis, begging and pleading with me to take over their family, their city, or at the very least to set up next to them to serve by example.  I refuse to do it because I feel that it is destructive towards Cosa Nostra to have a person like me in that position.

SO WHY IN THE FUCK DOESN'T EVERYONE THINK THIS WAY?  Look, Chachi, being a CL is more than just wearing a shiny bold suit.  You have obligations and qualifications to meet.  First of all, before you even put on the bold suit, you have to show yourself to be someone who has mastered this way of life and you must be known to the people.  As Veronica has pointed out on some occasions, she had more street appearances in her first few weeks here than many existing leaders did over the course of half a year.  Look, if you can't get your ass out in the streets once in awhile, stay the fuck out of the closet with the bold suits inside.  Nobody wants to look up to a person they have never heard or seen before.

Also, don't you think you should occasionally speak to the members in your family?  When I see some loser sliding down the street like a snail, having spoken to only a few people in their lifetime, yet having a rank that shows at least a minimal amount of activity, I have to wonder if their leader is using them as just a warm body to heat the HQ.  I hate you all.

Number #2:  "ZOMG THAT CAPO IS INACTIVE KILL KILL KILL"

If it were not for the fact that I am always right and the rest of you are idiots, I might think that I was confused in thinking that if you trust and respect someone enough to give them their button, that the same person should be granted a little breathing room should they decide to take a few weeks off for relaxation.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?  No way, man.  You might have been a great earner, showed loyalty, and served well, but if I catch you snoozing for more than seven days, you're fucking toast, dude!

Periods of tolerable inactivity should get longer as the rank gets higher.  A gangster takes off for seven days? Fine, shoot his ass. A Consig takes off for a month? Leave him alone, cocknose.  It's not like your HQ is full and you need the room.

Number #1:  Fragile People

What a wonderful way to end this speech, since I'm sure right about now Johnny Boy is ready to go off on a pout about how bad his vagina hurts and how that mean old Pig hurt his feelings.  Lately I have seen too many people get their panties in a twist over some mild ribbing.  Listen up, Petunia, didn't I already say that if you are in the mafia, you need to show a little brass in your balls? Quit being such a whiny bitch.  I swear, if I ever see you, I'm going to beat you up and take your lunch money.  Nobody likes a whiny little girl, especially when that whiny little girl is a 20-year-old man.

Flying Pig steps down, acknowledging the throng of swooning women, and walks back into his tenement to finish his list of people that need killin'

RampagingFox feels the urge to step out into the streets and respond to the ol' Pig's comments.

Number #3: "I want to be a CL, but I don't want to do anything"

Look fucktards, there is a very good reason that I am not the head of a family right now. Quite simply, I'm too lazy to do the work that comes with it. I don't want to maintain an active street presence. I don't want to have to interact with people. I don't want to have to teach or mentor anyone who is too stupid to figure things out on their own. I don't want to employ diplomacy towards some six-toed Rain Man who is running a crew in another city. And, finally, I sure as fuck don't want to have to be nice to anybody.

In all fairness FlyingPig, I don't personally feel I should be holding a strong street presence as of most of the stuff going on in the streets in all honesty is utter garbage. The rare occasions people do choose to visit the streets and say anything worth replying to is pointless. How many times can you say something along the lines of "Good paper Gwarble" with the odd fillers before it gets boring?

However, on a slightly positive note I can agree with you on something. Aside from Matterhorn being quite weird (quite possibly understatement of the year).

Number #4: The myth that war is bad.

I'm not out here trying to advocate war or even to suggest that war is good. Just because war is not necessarily good does not mean that it is all bad, either.

War is one of the few things in this things of ours that is actually good. It helps to regulate our society weeding out the weak and inadequate leaders (e.g. NY's swift execution of SL). Not so much now but I am fairly certain that in times that have passed you would have to be running an efficient family, encouraging growth within your family to strengthen them pre-empting attacks on you and your family. If you and your family wasn't prepared enough and ruthlessness enough or you didn't have the gift of the gab you would be looking at a sleep you would never awake from.

The Guildmaster steps out to speak, the swooning women ignoring him and following after FlyingPig.

Fine, Didn't want their attention anyways...

Anyways, I am Rarely hidden in my HQ, which can have it's disadvanteages. I try to be as close to all of The Guild as I possibly can, yet I am only Human. I personally try to maintain a healthy Street presence, and I encourage others to do so. You are right, it requires a great deal of work, but when I see my members thrive and grow, I realise it's worth all the hard work.

Mystery steps out from the shadows, flitting in between bystanders and mafioso alike. Listening to the God-like being of FlyingPig, he smiles and nods to himself, committing the speech to his memory. It wasn't often that Pig came to the streets, but whenever he did, it was a joyous occasion.

In my humble opinion I do believe that leaders of today need to be creative and intuitive, as well as intelligent and well spoken. How can we as a public determine whether or not an individual is such if they do nothing but sit inside buildings all day, sipping gin and playing rummy? Granted, it is not the public who decides whether an individual is ready to lead their own family, but that of their respective leader, however as FlyingPig stated "before you even put on the bold suit, you have to show yourself to be
someone who has mastered this way of life and you must be known to the
people."

If there is nothing worth coming to the streets about, then I feel as if perhaps those who wish to speak make there be something worth coming to see. If a person is aware that an active street presence might help them obtain what they want(if they are in search of getting authorization to set up as a crew leader,) then it seems like a no-brainer to me; get off of your couch, come to the streets, and use your mouth for more than just haggling the local shops for tribute. 

In all fairness FlyingPig, I don't personally feel I should be holding
a strong street presence as of most of the stuff going on in the
streets in all honesty is utter garbage. The rare occasions people do
choose to visit the streets and say anything worth replying to is
pointless. How many times can you say something along the lines of
"Good paper Gwarble" with the odd fillers before it gets boring? - Rampaging_Fox

Ever thought of being creative yourself seeing as though you're a figurehead for our society?

How amusing. It's lucky I decided to listen to everyone before I chose to pick up on that exact point Father_TeQ.

FlyingPig has just come out, quite rightly, and said that as a leader your are expected to lead. You are expected to be the person people look up to and see how you should be doing things round here in everything you do. Street presence, loyalty, respect, interaction .. the list goes on.

Instead you have walked out, belittled everyones efforts in the street as garbage yet I see none of your own work there. I feel that is quite hypocritical? Sorry if you do not agree.

If you feel that all you can offer the streets is "Good paper Gwarble" then I feel that you should perhaps be looking in rather than out as to why the streets are so poor. I have only used your example and I am not really up to date with the active issues in the street and who is saying what.

Maybe the efforts put in by those who should be seen on our streets is garbage and those trying to improve them have no yardstick to go off. No guidance from those that should be showing them the way will cause there to be no improvement.

Laughing, Tyrion walks up to Pig and shakes his hand.

It wouldn't matter if I disagreed with anything you said, the unrelenting and ruthless nature of your tirade deserves applauding. There are not too many that are willing to show up and say 'You're all dicks. Here's why and I'll be here to take any questions.' An attitude that will always cause a smile. The underlying truth of things being that, every community needs a few chaotic and unapologetic elements. If it wasn't for people willing to 'noise things up' our society would be insufferably dull. Just as your explanation of wars refreshing communal enthusiasm and precipitating change, so too an occasional tirade can serve to jar the collective thinking out of a rut. Good work!

Oh and I do agree with all your points bar the Matterhorn one. If a man wants Yeti cock and is willing to relinquish all future rectal control for the sake of a few more kicks, that's his own business.

Lighting a smoke he gives a cursory glance up at the gathering clouds and wanders off.

A few things that deserve highlighting.

How many times can you say something along the lines of "Good paper Gwarble" with the odd fillers before it gets boring?

The answer to this question is very simple - it never gets boring so you can say this as many times as you like. The more the better in actual fact.

I think I'll gloss over Number #1, given that last time dear old Dad echoed that sentiment it caused a right old kafuffle and old Grin got himself lightning bolted for suggesting that the majority of people need to grow the fuck up. You have a gun, if you don't like what people are saying - problem solved. This is of course dependent on having the balls to use this gun, which seems to be half of the issue.

Number #2 is just another demonstration that most people don't actually understand the fundamental principles that they are supposed to be paragons of. Treating Dons like Gangsters is bizarre and at juxtaposition to the whole progression system that we emphasise and illustrates our entire thing, regardless of the context this happens in. They've made their bones and more in a lot of cases, to off them without a second thought really just demonstrates further flaws in the leader.

Number #3 is something that has been a problem for as long as I can remember and is never going to change unless the heads of the cities all want it to. Until they decide that street presence is a necessary requirement for running your own family or crew, then the fact that we dislike it is pretty much irrelevant. Times have changed and the emphasis that was once placed on this has deteriorated. That is the way of the modern world.

Number #4 is amusingly accurate. I've never seen evidence that supports anything other than war and conflict being the focal point of most of our lives.

Number #5 - who?

~G~warble.

I would first off like to applaud your efforts here FP.  I've read a lot on the streets lately and i have to say this is the first speech that has grabbed my attention and deserved a second look.  I wont insult the efforts of those attempting in establishing a street presence because its more than i can say for myself. 

Okay so here I am with my opinions on all of the above:

5.  What more can i say?  Quite disturbing. 

4.  I have to agree with this.   If anyone thinks war is a bad thing for the community they're lying to themselves.  You're absolutely right, war is what mafioso are most captured/inspired by.  It gets everyone's blood pumping.  To be honest i believe its half the reason most people have chosen this life, and whats kept most people around for generations.  At the same time, I believe that war needs to be taken seriously.  It should be a last ditch effort, and nothing to play around with.  I suppose there's a fine line to war.  Bottom line is:  War is good.  

3.  I have to say i honestly believe that 3 is your most valid point.  I can go with the back in the day speech, but i wont.  The bottom line here is....Who knows who half these people in bold are?  It surely doesn't go for everyone, but for the most part  the community does not know who many of the CL's even are.  Even the days of introduction speeches are gone?   I completely and utterly agree with everything FlyingPig had to say here.   Being a head of a family is more responsibilities than simply being bold. 

2.  Again, I tend to agree with FP here once again...  Assuming you had to earn the right of being a Made Man being inactive for an 'x' amount of time doesn't justify your boss shooting you dead.  I agree that the higher you are in the hierarchy the longer you should be able to stay inactive.  Obviously there's certain cases, but for the most part i believe sometimes we get the happy trigger.

1.  Its the mafia...thats all i can really say...



JesseJames applauds the speech by FlyingPig

Father_TeQ and Scandia, I expected to be called out on the point and in fairness I should of been called out on that point. Maybe I was in too much haste to make sweeping generalisations about the majority of things brought to the streets. But in fairness none of you guys are saying it isn't true you're rather calling me out for not being in the streets daily.

Now I'm the first to admit that I should have a heavier street presence, but a lot of the stuff in the streets doesn't help to encourage me to venture into it. And yes I know you're going to say so why don't I come and initiate debates and such, may be I should, I probably will but it's something that has to be done at a time and in a manner were it will not be just heaped into the garbage pile.

"Ever thought of being creative yourself seeing as though you're a figurehead for our society?"

Funny... I kind of thought that was my entire point as well!

I have no problems with people who pick and choose their moments in the spotlight, my blood has been guided by many a folk who were never the greatest of street speakers. Some were the best mafioso we ever came across.

I just don't believe you can use the excuse you used to pass the blame on. You're definitely not the only one by any stretch of the imagination, you just happened to be the first I've seen since jumping off the boat.

Mystery, you did and it was very eloquently put. Expecting a medal?

Congratulations, you could win an essay contest any day of the week over me.

" I probably will but it's something that has to be done at a time and in
a manner were it will not be just heaped into the garbage pile."

The streets in the last 3 months have improved ten fold. But they have gone as far as they can go without guidance from the leaders and the higher ranks.

Without giving those coming to our streets a yardstick they will never ever know what is good and what is bad. What is right and what is wrong. You don't. I know I spent  long time on the streets just listening to find out how to go about my business here. I wouldn't even say I have a particular good street manner even after the amount of time my generations have spent here. But I feel sorry for those young ones who have to go out and learn from these streets. Why? because they are surrounded by people who have the same knowledge as them. They cannot actually learn that much from people in the same boat as them.

At the moment street presence does not seem a massive issue for ranks or auths. There are obvious exceptions to this but in general i'd say the point stands. The current leadership have a certain amount of responsibility to ensure the streets do not die out. I know it's easy for me to stand here and go "You sort it out" but you have the people under you to do it. When a leader walks out and calls the streets garbage it not only offends those making the effort but it also strikes me that the attitudes are all wrong around here.

To me it now looks like rank relies on robbing grannies, busting people from jail and drug running. It's all got to be done granted. But if even 25% of the effort you put into doing all that was spent in these streets then the place would blossom. People know the streets do not gain you ranks. They know they can do it without going there. That is the attitude, both from member and leadership, that has to change.

People know the streets do not gain you ranks.

Technically that Statement is wrong. City Hall grants us recognition and the chance to rank if they see us on the streets often. (You can gain ranking points from Street Posts/Thread.)

Technically agreed.

But you could gain the city halls reward in far easier ways. As long as I can remember auth and ranking tied in with street presence. I'd say the number of times may face has been seen is quite low for a Made Man if it were up to me.

It just doesn't seem to mean anything anymore. It's a sideshow to the real business.

Well as much as I respect your opinion on the matter, I ask you: Do you Believe you have what it takes to Lead?

If not, Who are you to question whom gets the honour?

If we only discussed and questions things that we could physically alter, we would all be sitting in silence listening to Deimne chew the fat with ScipitaRourke, Lucretia_Borgia, Kates, Iota and PoisonousJelly.

Provided you aren't doing it disrespectfully or you're told to stop, I don't see why the fact someone may not be in the position to lead themselves should exclude them from the discussion - especially when it is someone like Scandia who isn't an idiot.

~G~warble.

Arw. Thanks Gwarble. <3 and all that.

Do I have what it takes to lead everyone? Maybe. I'd have to be given the chance. But if I were offered the chance now i'd have to turn it down. I do not have the time to be on these shores to really do it justice.

I also never questioned who gets the honour. People choose people for their own reasons and I can fully understand that. I wouldn't auth someone just because they had shown their face on the streets 120 times in 14 days.

The streets are a place for information, debate or just simple stories. The people bringing that to these streets is a very small percentage of our community because they know if they bring a token effort here and offer a few three sentence replies they will get to where they want to be on Petty crimes, Jailbreaks and Drug Runs.

The ones offering a bit more than that are not going to improve the streets any further than where they are without the latters help.

Hence my problem with the current situation and the reason I am pushing this point as hard as I am. No-one has yet said I am wrong. I don't know if thats good or bad in this case?

"I ask you: Do you Believe you have what it takes to Lead?

If not, Who are you to question whom gets the honour?"

______, why shouldn't Scandia be able to question it, if said questioning is done so in a respectful manner? Tyrion was out here a couple of days earlier asking for people to come out and express their thoughts and wanting to see more debate. Now that we get some form of that you question someone's ability to judge?

Just because you've been given your little crew to run under a godmothers guidance does not fully qualify you to dismiss valid comments. I could understand if what Scandia had said was drivel but it was very valid to the way the streets are at this time, and while I will agree with him that the past three months there has been a vast improvement, that improvement is not being spearheaded by the family heads. Which would make me think that by your reckoning what have many of the current family heads done to prove they are able to question what is and isn't said on these streets?