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The Apathetic Gazette - Editor's Note: Everything in this edition is purely the uninformed opinion of the writer, unless this opinion results in death, if that is the case FlyingPig made me do it.
Surprise Attack Foiled
This is now old news, but we here at the Apathetic Gazette are too lazy to hit the streets to get the latest developing stories. Godmother Kates in her opinion decided to war the Los Vegas crime syndicate. Word on the street has it that this was due to a $20 million extortion scheme, but this insider has contradicting evidence. Unnamed sources have indicated that Godmother Kates warred Godmother Lucretia_Borgia over who paid the bill when the two went out for dinner after their bridge game at the local B/G Sandwich Shop. Kates contended that she had picked up the tab last time they went out for a meal, whereas Lucretia_Borgia said that was only coffee and a bagel, and that doesn't constitute a meal. Tempers flared, words were exchanged, and finally the manager had to come out and ask the two ladies to quiet down. He was immediately gunned down with bullets from each of the Godmother's guns. Thus the debt was settled, but the bad blood had begun.
Realtors Rejoice
After the war ended many high ranking members of society decided they no longer like the way their current city suits them. After all of the Poisonous Jelly globs were cleaned out of Los Angeles (side note: Poisonous Jelly will stain if you let it sit for too long), DirtyLittleSekrit moved her posse to the city of Angels (yes I said posse, get the wax out of your ears). Speculation has it that she and her trusty right hand man FlyingPig have landed roles in an upcoming silent movie "Confessions of a Dangerous Mime." FlyingPig was quoted as saying, "We just had to get closer to Hollywood, at $0.18 a gallon of gas, and the commute would have bankrupted us."
In other traveling news, half of the Los Vegas team picked up and moved to Philadelphia. When this reporter asked Godmother Lucretia_Borgia her reasoning for moving she mentioned something about being closer to family; however, we here at the Apathetic Gazette have on good authority that there was an ulterior motive. We have found out that the Godmother's love of her life is actually in Philadelphia. Who is this mystery love? None other than Frank Philhume's legendary Philly Cheese steak. When Don Youngsta was asked his motives for the move before leaving, he said, "It's always sunny in Philadelphia." Upon arriving in Philadelphia on an overcast day we asked Don Youngsta for a comment about his incorrect information regarding the brightness of his new city. Don Youngsta replied with the eloquent reply of, "Crap!"
Newly named Emperor Hirohito visited the states
Japanese Emperor Hirohito recently visited the USA on a peace keeping mission. He spent most of his time with late Godmother Kates. He left shortly after the war between Godmothers began. He was quoted when leaving as saying, "This sneak attack appears to have worked really well, I'll have to remember this as a strategy tactic later in life. It is unfortunate that I must leave before seeing this through to the end, but I'll just assume that everything works well for Godmother Kates." Reports show his plane had to make a stop over in Pearl Harbor for refueling before making his way back to Japan.
Aftershock becomes Captain
Aftershock recently packed up his bags, and left the comfy estate of the Youngsta headquarters. There were many tears of joy, warm embraces, and funny anecdotes told. We here at the gazette wish Aftershock the best of luck with his Captaincy. One sad note to report though, on the same day Aftershock moved out, the "Youngsta Gerbil Farm" was also stolen. I'm not saying.... I'm just saying... |
