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This is entitled burn unit, as I take time out of my day, to personally burn everyone that was on the 60 second list at the moment. I realize that my humor may not appeal to all, but hopefully some laughs will come of this. Hopefully no one takes offense to this, but if so lighten up. Also if anything seems weird time wise with any of my comments assume I got my facts from a fortune teller, and if I seem to be speaking unlike myself, but as some early 21st century person assume that I haven't taken my medication recently. If I have missed a word on something try to figure out what it was as my young spell checking person didn't recognize many of your names, so he was basically useless to me. If I mess up any your, you're, there, or their please make fun of me. Other than that feel free to add people I've missed, or if you have a better burn by all means add on.
HelpDesk | Kendra | Belle | CrazyNine | Sherminator | Lucretia_Borgia | Adam-T-Simpson | Serotonin | Kerrrupt | RampagingFox | sikey | -Raptor- | -TonySperio- | Platinum_Fortress | Felicity | Evangeline | Ninetta_Bagarella | Wacktard | SINGER | shelly | ScreamingButterfly | Tayto | Achilles | Aftershock | Innocent_Bystander | Joe_Torro | SAMCRO | luckyestshotever | TBizz | Palladino | Tyrion | Alexander | Richard_Kuklinski | Turi_Guilano | Lanxs | Francine-Dilalie | MsSexy | Skinny_Vinny | Santos | kylar | Latin_Boss | George_Costanza | Frankie_Silvio | lotus | Sheriff_Fatman | -A- | Madejski | ChrisJohnson | Blair_Waldorf | Pollo-Cacciatora | Devil_Lucifer | -Montiego | TillyTheTigrrr | B | AfroSamurai | Alessandro-Dionisio | Felix | Jintaka | AngeliqueSatanta | William-H-Bonney | FlamingRouge | Ananke | WebSpider
HelpDesk - What kind of desk are you anyway, sitting there with your hand out? You should get a cardboard sign stating, "Help Desk! Please help, willing to be stationary for your stationery desires!"
Kendra - A normal name, so I don't have much to say. Luckily I have the iconic stand in for me to help with the insult. This stand in states, "Kendra, you have a great, wonderful, beautiful name.... For Me To Poop On!" I would like to thank Triumph the Insult comic dog for his help with this one.
Belle - You're supposed to be helping our troubled users as part of the Help squad? Why on earth should we take advice from someone that talks to candle sticks, tea cups, and a clock. Also I know you're a fan of your boy toy Beast, but I just checked him out on Hot or Not, and he's currently a Not.
CrazyNine - There is nothing crazy at all about your nine; in fact, I have yet to even see a nine. If you're anything like me you say it's a crazynine, but your wife knows it is only an ordinary four.
Sherminator - You're a sex robot sent back through time? We all know better, you're known for your insane ability with a gun, so I imagine you're better equipped to terminate anyone named Sherman. Hopefully Mr. Peabody sets the way back machine before you pop a cap in poor Sherman.
Lucretia_Borgia - I didn't know anything about this name, so I talked with my translator; he told me your name in English terms would be, "Long Boring Opera." I choose to ignore him though, and have decided to order the Lucretia_Borgia next time I go to Olive Garden.
Adam-T-Simpson - Hey bud, you think the T is necessary? I know I do, just the other day I was talking to Adam-J-Simpson when I was trying to talk with Adam-V-Simpson. Thank you for the clarification.
Serotonin - Again I was a bit ignorant when it came to your name sir, so I had a buddy tell me the scoop on you. He told me, "Approximately 80 percent of the human body's total serotonin is located in the enterochromaffin cells in the gut, where it is used to regulate intestinal movements." He continued on, but I chose to stop with the regulating intestinal movements, so from now on you shall be known as, "Fiber One Bar."
Kerrrupt - Was your father a pirate, or was it possibly Tony the Tiger?
RampagingFox - Dude, paging is so out these days. Plus there are two flaws with this name. 1. Why would a Fox be so important to even have a beeper? 2. How is a Ram going to dial the numbers on the phone to even page the fox?
Sikey - Do you taunt babies for fun? Not cool enough to pick on the older kids so you have to make fun of infants using baby talk. I can see you saying this to your one year old brother, "Your pacifier looks way cool! Sikey!"
-Raptor- I hate to break this to you, but your kind is extinct. I don't know how you managed to make it here, but good luck finding a mate. No girl is going to let you near her with those kinds of claws. You need all sorts of work, perhaps you should start with a beard trim.
-TonySperio- A mobster named Tony? What has this world come to? And what's up with the last name? Are you an English beggar? "Sperio some change my good sir?"
Platinum-Fortress - I must say you truly understand greatness. Your fortress has no flaws whatsoever; unfortunately, maybe next time you should purchase something a little more in your budget. You signed a 35 year mortgage with an adjustable rate. Dolt!
Felicity - I have no major gripes with you other than false advertising claims. I assumed that when I saw Felicity on the map, it was short for "Feline City"; so like any other proud parent, I gathered my children to go see all sorts of exotic cats, but instead we got to spend three hours in your apartment. At least the kids got to increase their old booze bottle collection ten fold. Also, how the hell did you end up on a map?
Evangeline - Yes, I get that you're religious; yes, I understand I'm going to hell, but please leave me alone, and stop dropping your pamphlets all over the place.
Ninetta-Bagarella - You have a crazier nine than CrazyNine has, I suggest suing him. On a side note, I'm glad you have Cinderella qualities on most parts of your body, but unfortunately above the shoulders needs some work, so here is that paper bag, Bagarella.
Wacktard - This man has already has the moniker tard in his name what more should I say? He smells like old men that have eaten cottage cheese. I don't know what that means, but I'd still shy away from him.
SINGER - Whoa, stop screaming your name at us. A little less fortissimo and a little more pianissimo.
Shelly - I appreciate the fact that you try being part of a balanced diet, but nobody likes Shelly beans more than they like Green Beans. Unfortunately you'll always be second fiddle to a bean.
ScreamingButterfly - I like your ambition, but it is somewhat a moot point don't you think. No one will be able to hear you. You're on par with a Racing Snail.
Tayto - You suck the fun out of the party. People go to the parlor hoping to get a new Tat, but you sneak in there and they get a Tayto instead. Great you look fuzzy and you inexplicably where off over time. I spent thirty bucks on this?
Achilles - Now here is a great name. An honored Greek warrior, hero of the Trojan War. Unfortunately everyone associates your name with the word weakness. I visited a soothsayer the other day, and he told me that you having a weak heel is about as disappointing as a future movie called "Signs" were the bad guys were killed by water... Lame
Aftershock - Awesome man, you shake the ground and cause disruptions. Too bad it's only after your big brother Earthquake basically loosens everything for you already. You're the little kid that can't open a jar, so the dad opens it for you, but thanks you for loosening it. Grow a pair, and do your own destruction.
Innocent_Bystander - Way to go out on a limb and talk smack about of loaded-gun-toting suckers that all have more skill than you. Pretty bright Fella you are, I'm sure your mom would be proud. "Momma didn't raise no fool," she used to say to you, but that's because she dumped your sorry ass when she saw that all the gears weren't turning inside that head. Wait, why am I talking to myself? Moving on...
Joe-Torro - Does this mean you're just one of the guys as in Average Joe, but happens to be a bullfighter? Because you know what they call an average bullfighter? Dead.
SAMCRO - Enough with the shouting. Or if you aren't shouting it means you are an acronym. Here's is one of my favorites: AFA - Another Freaking Acronym, and yes Freaking may be substituted if desired. So here's to you: Shamefully Absurd Micro Cranium Retractable Orifice. (Give Me a Break I've got over 30 names to go, you don't like my acronym make up your own.)
Luckyestshotever - You should meet my cousin, WorstestNameEver. I think you two would get along. (Yes, Worstest isn't a word, I'm aware)
TBizz - Cool, a mixture of tuberculosis and show business. I imagine you could get a crowd for your first show on Broadway, but I think your repeat customer base may be lacking once they are all hospitalized. Get yourself treated you selfish bastard.
Palladino - Is this a riddle? If I figure it out, do I find your true identity? Let me think, who is a pal of Dino? Fred Flinstone is that you? I figured it out, Yabba Dabba Do!
Tyrion - Either you are a high elf warrior, or a lazy no good that won't actually spell out Thank You Rion. Either way, I don't see good things in your future.
Alexander - Your profile says your home city is Philadelphia, but you can't fool me. You're a wolf in sheep's clothing. Get back to your true home city of Alex-polis, the city of Alex's.
Richard-Kuklinski - Well now here is an good old fashioned Italian name if I've ever heard one. Please stop with the falic references. We all know that Richard and Dick go hand in hand (feel free to insert joke there), and what goes Kuk-a-doodle-do? A rooster, and what's another name for rooster. Get your mind out of the gutter Kuklinski.
Turi-Guilano - Hey, aren't you the guy that can bend spoons with his mind? No? Oh that was Uri Geller. Then what do you do? You bend turds? With your mind... oh with your hands. I wish you would've informed me about this prior to the handshake.
Lanxs - I thought it was too good to be true getting a luxury sports car for such a bargain, then I looked at the owner's manual and it stated it was a Lanxs not a Lexus.
Francine-Dilalie - I must thank you, without you optometrist around the world may never have learned the proper technique in dilating my eyes. So thanks to you when I leave the eye doctor instead of it being the overcast day it was when I entered, it seems like I'm staring into a 15 million candle power light while driving. Thanks for endangering my life. How considerate of you, I hope you don't get my name for this year's Secret Santa drawing. You'd probably give me a loaded bear trap.
MsSexy - Sure Ms Sexy now, but you had better take a picture, because in ten years you'll be Mrs. Mother of Two Kids with a bottom that won't stop growing. Live it up while you can.
Skinny_Vinny - Oh, I get it, your name rhymes, how clever. Tell me, how is the old man doing these days anyway? It has been awhile since I've talked to Dr. Seuss. Anyway, I've got to run, but next time you're hopping on pop, or soxing a fox tell him I said hi.
Santos - I'll steal this one from years ago, possibly from Mr. 47 or Dick-Gozinya. Santos, Santos, please put on your Pantos.
Kylar - You're good to have around in case people are shooting at me. *Reads the tag closer* Made of Kylar? What the hell this is supposed to be Kevlar. Oh well we'll give this to Mr. 47's novelty bullet proof vest company.
Latin_Boss - Congratulations you are the boss of a language that is essentially dead. I have a few associates of mine that are essentially dead too, and let me tell you it's not worth the trouble of being their boss. The good news is that you get to work with the Catholic church, good luck figuring out their rules and regulations. Sucker!
George_Costanza - You are an ok #2 guy. Of course by number 2 I'm referencing the bathroom term. Heck even Lloyd Braun shows you up, and that's one nutty fellow.
Frankie-Silvio - The man with two first names. What happened, did you lose a bet betting on the Cubs to win it all with your last name on the line? Tell you what, I've got insider information. Keep betting the Cubs throughout the 20th century. It'll pay off, trust me.
Lotus - Your name indicates that you are a pretty flower, while one of you can't do much damage, just imagine what a swarm of Lotuses could do? Well actually probably not much either. Apparently you're vain, because the only thing you're good for is your looks.
Sherriff_Fatman - Stop the presses we have a law enforcement officer that is somewhat portly! This is breaking news, we're going to put this right next to the headline, "Days have 24 hours!" Thank you for your out of the box description Sherriff.
-A- - There is absolutely no need for you sir. Nobody likes a tease, and this is what you are. What are you referring to, A what? A Bear? A Beer? What are you hiding?
Madejski - Yes, I'd like to buy a vowel please. I like to buy a an "o". What the hell do you mean there aren't any o's. There are absolutely too many consonants in this name. I would definitely challenge this playing scrabble.
ChrisJohnson - Whoa Everybody look at me, I'm a fast football player! You know what Chris, you still can't outrun this bullet. Want to test me? *hurries up and throws the bullet at Chris hitting him squarely in the chin.* Unfortunately I have no gun, so I will continue throwing these at you until you get away from me.
Blair_Waldorf - Your parents must have been the Blair Witch Project and the Waldorf Astoria. Hey don't ask me how they mated, I'm playing the role of insult comic, not nature guide. I assume you get haunted by used bed sheets anytime you spend the night in your hotel.
Pollo-Cacciatora - We can't have anything nice anymore can we? Growing up, we used to be able to play games of Marco Polo, but Nooo! Now you insist on us playing Marco Pollo-Cacciatora, how many syllables do you need? You'll be tagged out before you even finish saying the name. Thanks for ruining a great game, Pollo-Cacciatora.
Devil_Lucifer - I get it, you're Satan. I'm thinking I would've gone with Satan squared to appeal to all of the nerds that buy pocket protectors only to realize they have no pockets. The last demographic study I did showed nerd population has increased ten-fold. Unfortunately my study consisted of me calling ten people nerds.
-Montiego - Hey Mon, How bout you give me sum rum mon? I understand you're from Jamaica, but please quit trying to sell me souvenirs. If I visit Jamaica, I don't need a shirt that tells me what country I'm in. Please just leave me alone while I get my hair braided.
TillyTheTigrrr - Ok apparently you and Kerrrupt are both related. I should've notice since you both have hooks in place of hands. Next time you see Tony, please tell him his cereal is Grrrreatly overpriced, and too sugary for my liking.
B - I assume your unoriginal parents were devastated to find out the name they had always wanted for you had already been taken. I know deep down you resent and loath A. I can't wait to see the alphabet war that is sure to happen.
AfroSamurai - So what are you a samurai with an afro, or an afro that can move from person to person that can throw down with anyone (minus Chuck Norris). I'm hoping for the latter.
Alessandro-Dionisio - Once again the Syllable Bandit strikes again. Is the name Dawn Smith really so bad? I'm getting up there in age and weight, and I don't like becoming winded just by saying your name. Ok, let's be adults about this and come up with a nickname. I'm up for suggestion, but we'll start of the conversation with Al_di. If you use that name, I imagine grocery store management for you in the future.
Felix - There you are Felix, I was expecting to find you earlier at Felicity's pad. By the way next time we go anywhere together, let's take your car. I'm tired of you clawing up my dash. If you're really jonesing for a scratch, bring a damn scratching post.
Jintaka - Unfortunately not only do you have a typo in your name, but you also chose the wrong preposition. The name you were aiming for was undertaka, as it stands now you go around taking Asian men named Jin around places. Wouldn't it be better dealing with dead people instead? They complain much less.
AngeliqueSatanta - I just found out that the shortage of underscores is now officially over. Hopefully you can get one retrofitted into that monster name of yours. Dashes are also acceptable, but I'm more of an underscore kind of man. When my buddies and I go to clubs, they are usually looking at all the dashes, but they know me, I like my women with some underscore.
William-H-Bonney - My Bonney lies over the ocean, My Bonney lies over the sea, My Bonney lies over the ocean, oh please don't bring William-H-Bonney back to me. Do you have any idea how long it took me to ditch him in the first place?
FlamingRouge - This man is destined to be famous in this world of ours. He's the kind of person that we all know is going to break the rules, as soon as he becomes made man. When I asked him about being a FlamingRouge he was obviously giddy, lifted his Elton John glasses and told me, "It's Fab-u-lous." Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Ananke - Apparently you're a necessity around these parts, but I've never seen much good from you. I suppose I shouldn't say anything too bad about you though, as I never try to upset gods and goddesses too terribly much, especially when it comes to first impressions.
WebSpider - Finally, it has come down to me and you, mono e mo...... well not mono e mono, but mono e whatever the hell you are. I don't like how you get all Dog the Bounty Hunter on me, and track my movements. How would you like it, if I started tracking your movements, huh tough guy. |
