Sup, y'all.  KaliMuscle here, big as ever, swole as ever.  I wanted to thank all y'all who checked out my last street tutorial.  There was a lot of wisdom in there and it attracted a nice little crowd on my corner.  But I couldn't help but notice that the tip jar was a little light.  Y'all need to be appreciative of this knowledge I'm droppin on y'all.  A lot of motherfuckers aren't willing to share this information, so show your appreciation by leaving a tip y'all.

Anyways, today we gonna talk about biceps.  A lot of y'all wish y'all had big boulder-like biceps like me but can't seem to achieve any gains.  Y'all pile on plates onto a bar and curl weights that are too heavy for y'all.  It's like I keep telling y'all... lower your weight.  It's a controlled motion, y'all.  Keep y'alls back straights, elbows in, and contract your bicep.  Make sure you squeeze that shit at the top.  That contraction is gonna increase muscle growth in your biceps.  Don't be rocking back and forth y'all dumb motherfuckers.  Low weights, full range of motion, and strict form.  Lots of reps too.  Your biceps are gonna be sore in the morning, but that means you gave them a good workout.

The more you youngsters train your biceps, the better results y'all gonna see. Same with y'all guns.  Y'all want to be killers, but y'all need to work at it.  Y'all might hear motherfuckers talking about maxing y'alls guns, or you might be asked if y'all guns are 'maxed' on y'alls shot reports.  Don't feel foolish if some of y'all youngster don't understand what that means. KaliMuscle can drop that info on y'all.

When you acquire y'all gun, think of it as needing to be brung up to zero.  Every time y'all do a training range, or take a contract out on a motherfucker, y'alls gun gets closer and closer to zero, or 'maxed" as motherfuckers like to call it.  Now some people have marksmanship in y'all's genetics.  Y'all don't need to train as hard as others.  Same with muscles.  I was blessed with genetics that allow me to have a superior physique to all of y'all, just like some of y'all don't need to train y'all gun to max it out.  But for those of y'all that need to max your gun, maybe do a training range or two before y'all start taking out contracts.

Keep in mind, once you start a training range, your ass can't fly for six hours, so maybe plan y'all flight schedule accordingly.  Taking out contracts will help speed up the process, but that shit is more expensive and some of y'all youngsters might not have the inheritance a lot of us elders have to help us out when we first starting out.  Y'all can take out unlimited contracts while y'all are working to max y'all gun.  Once y'all see that y'all don't have unlimited contracts, or the motherfucker at the shooting range tells your ass that he has nothing more to offer you, then you know your gun is 'maxed, or at zero.  After that, start keeping record of how many motherfuckers you kill.  Y'all will need to know that shit for y'all motherfuckin shot reports motherfuckers.

Follow this sweet-ass advice and y'all will have big guns AND big biceps, walkin around the streets looking like a straight up swole KILLER.  And make sure y'all tip.  I'm thinking this information is worth at least a 100 grand tip, but y'all do what y'all can.  Y'all are gonna need that money for ranges and contracts too.

Sasha watched as KaliMuscle showed the crowd how to curl and how to train there guns she was over awed of  this SEXYBEAST of a man that she hadnt realised her pantiesbedroppin.

Fixing herself up she watched intently as he demonstrated his work out.

Chris was walking down the street. it had been a good day... he'd already done the sun shinning bit and birds singing bit a couple of threads over, but that didn't matter, he was sure that if something of interest came along, he'd be able to get the fans laughing. It was at this point he came across Kalimuscle and Sasha. Kali was talking about guns and muscles, and Sasha was gawking at Kali's strudel. Well it may have been gawking, Chris suspected it was more akin to straining to see. He'd heard stories from Big Poppa Pump what the 'roids did to your tackle.
 

"Sasha, look at you just looking at Kali, gawking at Kali; you ought to be ashamed of yourself, a woman your age looking at Kali.  Sasha, Shasha, You need to let your feelings go. The Rock knows you have feelings for him. The Rock knows that you think about The Rock. The Rock knows that you get that funny feeling in the bottom of your stomach, Sasha. The Rock knows that each and every single time you go right out there in the middle of The People’s city and you walk the streets, you think about The Rock looking at you. Admit it Sasha, that you go to bed every single night dreaming about marrying The Rock. Dreaming of one day to become Mrs. Sasha ‘Rockcia’. Admit it Sasha, you get wet … with perspiration, standing this close to The Rock. Now, Sasha, The Rock knows how you feel about Kali's limp noodle. But how do you feel about strudel? Sasha, would you like to try some of The Rock’s strudel? Sasha, would YOU like to try some of The Rock’s strudel?"

Sasha gulps and looks at Chris, she noticeably swallows before replying, "More than anything else in the world, Rock."
Chris pulls away and glares at Sasha, like she had slapped the taste out of Martii's mouth.
"What in the blue hell is wrong with you? The Rock was walking along minding his own business, when he saw Kali talking about Biceps and guns. The Rock thought he would engage in conversation with Kali, and the only thing you can think about and talk about is dessert. A little professionalism Sasha, please!

Sasha mortified at what she has done tries to apologise frantically, Chris simply just waves his hand, "Sush, Susssh, Suuuuuusssssssh." Smiling at Sasha he turns to kali.

"Speaking of freaks of nature. You are out here belittling the people, belittling the millions... and millions of the Rock's fans. Comparing your freaky deaky chemical induced muscles to theirs and telling them its their technique that's wrong. The Rock understands what happened when you got all pumped up like a baboons ass. You got down on your knees in The Reverends church, put your little hands together and said a prayer that sounded a bit like this. (in a high pitched squeaky voice) 'Oh dear God. My names Kali, and I have the biggest 'roided muscles in all Mafialand, but there's just one problem. Everybody still thinks that I absolutely suck!

And then at that point Kali, your house started to shake, and the heavens opened up, and God himself spoke to you and said this, 'Bob...'

'But my names Kali...'

'It doesn't matter what your name is. You are absolutely right, you do suck. But there is one thing and only one thing that you can do, and that is find a man who is absolutely electrifying. You must go find The Rock.'

'Oh my God, anybody but the Rock...'

'Know your role, and Shut your mouth.'

And then Kali, as fear went through your body, tears went down your cheek and piss ran down your leg, your house started to shake again, the clouds parted, the heavens opened, and what seemed like millions... and millions of voices all said to you in unison, Jabroni, If you Smeeeeeeeeeell, what the Rock, is, Cookin'."