Damn, y'all. I look like a damn African rhino.  Strong as a damn African rhino too.  Should be my damn nickname. 

Sup y'all, KaliMuscle here once again, still the swolest mobster in the country.  The whole world really.  I want to say thank you to all y'all that have left me some tips in my tip jar.  I appreciate y'all.  Some people couldn't tip much, but that's ok.  You are still showing your appreciation for all this wisdom I'm droppin out here instead of being a hater.  It's easy for people to hate on guys like me rather than to put in the work it takes to become like their role-models.  I guess some people would rather take the easy route and hate instead of making something of they selves and striving to be jacked and swole like me.  It's a damn shame and it don't make no sense.  Oh well.

Now today we gonna talk about the trapezius, or "traps" for short.  Those of y'all that have been following my tips are probably seeing gains already, but if y'all really want to stand out from these skinny motherfuckers around here, y'all can't neglect the traps.

Look at my traps.  All this MEAT up here.  Look at that.  If I came running at y'all, y'all would think a rhino was charging at y'all.  Y'all need to take some dumbbells and do some shrugs.  Let your arms hang at your sides, keep your chest out, and lift the dumbbells up by shrugging them, squeezing your traps at the top.  Hold that contraction for 3 seconds and let them dumbbells down slow.  You're gonna want to do this 10-15 times per set, so make sure you are doing a weight you are comfortable with.  If you go too heavy on this exercise y'all are gonna put unwanted strain on your neck.  Make sure it's your traps doing the work and you'll start seeing gains quickly y'all.

Another thing I wanted to talk about is all the murders I've been witnessing lately out on these streets.  Motherfuckers out in broad daylight killing motherfuckers right on the streets, plain as day who they be.  Then it dawned on me.. y'all ain't got no stealth!  Y'all can't even pick a motherfucker's pocket without getting your ass beat and your money and gun took from y'all.  Now everybody gets mugged now and then.  Some people will even pull shady moves in order to lure people into a mug.  But that don't mean you gotta make it easy for motherfuckers to mug y'all. 

Now some of y'all might have a some stealth, but it is moderate.  For example. if you were to make a muscle analogy about all y'alls stealth, chances are your stealth is somewhere between a Chris_Vaughn and a Ragnarok, in other words somewhere between "kind of" muscular to no muscles at all.  That unfortunately is probably as good as it's gonna get for y'all, but y'all can absorb this knowledge I'm about to drop on y'all and pass it along to your kids after somebody shoots your stupid ass.  That way when your kids hit the docks, fresh off the docks as civilians after them fools at Ellis Island ask a series of questions, they'll have that stealth that lots of y'all lack, assuming y'all answer the folks at immigration properly before y'all kids enter this life of crime.  This is good information here so don't forget to be generous with them tips.  Think of it as an investment in y'all childrens' futures.

Alright y'all here's that good info.  Take note y'all...

Some mobsters might think about doing a bank robbery, but notice a bunch of cops in the area.  A stealthy man would decide that is not worth the risk.  Or maybe your boy Guido got his ass in trouble with some heavy motherfucker and that heavy comes looking for information from you.  There's a few things y'all could do, but best plan is to crack that motherfucker in his knees and break them shits.  Who knows, maybe Guido has some police heat on his ass too. Don't go jacking no ride and driving that shit into the cop van.  Instead, send some thugs over there to drop your damn business card off.  Just keep your eye on the guy in the corner though if the cops are crooked and y'all find yourselves in a pinch.

Then maybe you come across a bank where there ain't as many cops as the last bank you was at.  You decide you wanna rob that shit.  Y'all gonna need a fast car, know what I mean motherfuckers?  This might attract some heat from the motherfuckin punk police. If it do, lay your ass low and let some other motherfucker take the blame.  Word to your moms.  Speaking of ma dukes, y'all can't ever let a motherfucker disrespect your motherfuckin saintly mother, motherfuckers.  Pin a death threat on that motherfucker's chest if some motherfucker does.

Now go out there and make that money.  I'd suggest conning some money from some schlub-like motherfuckers, that is if y'all want to be stealthy.  Anyways I hope this helps some of y'all.  Maybe your kids will have some better stealth than a lot of you youngsters out there that don't have none and get your ass beat every hour for picking some motherfucker's wallet.  And when your stealthy kids look up to the heavens above, they'll thank y'all for this knowledge and this info.  They'll appreciate you for teaching them, just like I taught y'all. 

And don't forget to incorporate dumbbell shrugs into y'alls workouts and build them traps. 

Chris was beginning to feel like KaliMuscle was stalking him. Every where he went the 'roided out freak was there as well. Thank heavens Sasha wasn't there. The Rock liked pie like any other red blooded man, probably more than any other man, but Sasha's obsession with his strudel was starting to become worrying, and now Kali was in the Smackdown Hotel trying to hit on some guy called Jim. In a way Chris was flattered, but in another way he was freaked out. Kali and his 35lb head where a little disturbing, and Sasha was just a two dollar no, a fifty cent no, buy two get one free does any one have change for a nickel skank ass slut.

"Kali, Kali. Whoa. You need to chill. The Rock says you need to chill. You see, the Rock knows you are a little coom ci, coom ca. The Rock knows you like nothing better than to come to the streets and tell all the millions of the Rocks fans how much you love the Rock, how much you want to be the Rock. You come out here comparing yourself to the Rock. Rock this, Rock that. The Rock knows you want a piece of the Rock's strudel. But Kali, the Rock isn't like that. you aren't the Rocks type. The Rock enjoys his pie too much. You understand what the Rock is saying jabroni?"

Kali nods sullenly, a single tear running down his face, "I Understand Rock..."

"It doesn't matter if you understand or not. Simple fact of the matter is this Kali. You never where and never will be in the Rocks league. You go on and on about how 'swole' you are, how much bigger you are than the Rock. The difference between you and the Rock is huge, just like your 35lb head, jabroni, but let the Rock see if he can break it down for you. The Rock is bigger than you everywhere it counts Kali, intellect, fans, The people's strudel. Not to mention you look like a freak, and the Rock just looks good! Now the Rock doesn't like coming out to the streets and having to put you right time and time again. The Rock feels pity for your monkey ass, so the Rock is going to make you a one time offer. The Rock is prepared to take you under his wing, and train you up to be like the Rock. The Rock will take you to the learning tree, jabroni. Kali and the Rock will take a walk down Know your Role Boulevard, hang a left on jabroni drive.

The Rock will gladly go to the learning tree with you. And then he'll pause once we get there. He'll reach up and break off a branch, and he'll pick each and every leaf off of that branch. Then he'll turn it sideways and stick it straight up your candyass!"

I walked into the bathroom at The Peach Pit in DT a few weeks back. Needed to take a shit, but the stall was occupied by a man sitting down. All I heard was pissing. About a minute later, Ragnarok walked out. True story.

I’ve about heard as much as I can take of this tit for tat banter. All we’re hearing here is man who, for little or no gain, is prepared to come out and offer help to the masses of young inexperienced "wanna be" Mafioso and what does he get? A barrage of abuse from a leader within his own city who I might add, maintains an air of self-indulgence and denial which can only serve to belittle the attempts of our Kali in trying to share his immense knowledge and experience.

Now I could get personal like some others; I could comment on Chris Vaughn’s ass support hammock or, his man boob reduction vest but I will not stoop to such levels and reveal personal information on my patients. Neither will I announce Kali’s titanium nut cluster protection cup has worn so thin that his package is reaching critical temperature, and attempting to retract back into his groin. And the fact that he officially now has no neck.

No, I say. I will uphold all protocol regarding Doctor and patient confidentiality, even though I’m struck off the health register in every state I still have personal standards that must always be maintained.

Come along now fine fellows. I see a wealth of learning that the masses can benefit from by listening and looking at both of your majestic forms of testosterone pumping manhood. Come on now, there’s plenty of room for us all to parade ourselves swollin’ and strollin’ through these streets of ours.

And finally………………. I need stool, semen and urine samples of every contributor to this thread. That’s all separate samples by the way Thomas Harrow, not a blended pot of mousse like last time.

Long Live The Peach Pit.

The only semen sample you'll be able to find from me is splattered all over the rotten buttocks of the corpse formerly known as Gwarble. Have at it, Doc!

LONG LIVE THE PEACH PIT!!!

Some of the words weren't familiar. Some he was sure were even made up. He sat as close to Kali as he could, what he was watching seemed alien. Here was this mountain of a man that could crush most other men without much thought. GreenBean wanted this man as an ally. He'd do whatever it took to make it happen. 

Very interesting sir. I'm excited to hear more about your ways both in the streets and in the weight room.

Could I pick your brain over a piece of pie over at The Smackdown in L.A?