I am proud to be what I am. I love this world of crime! Though sometimes, I start feeling insecure about my lack of capabilities.. For example.. When I fail 7 times in trying to shoot a durden gangster in a single spraw. Or when the Agent I employ myself gets my ass in jail 3 times in a single day, after trying to pickpocket him.. The fact that I only participated in one single successful OC doesn't help to feel better either.
Luckily, the other day, I met someone that I really can relate to, when we failed to pick each others pockets, I thought I was looking at my spitting image in GreenBean . Just like misery, utter failure loves company, as well. So, we have now created the unofficial Team Fail. A nation-wide group of people that will feel better from hearing about each other's failures. All you need to bring to join is your clumsiness.. Or stupidity..

Camilo your group should visit Venice beach where KaliMuscle holds lessons for every would be mobster. He is so jacked.....and swole Sasha finds herself starting to daydream about those huge muscles wrapped around her. 

Oh what was i talking about? Oh yes Kali he will help steer your group onto the right track and also and you may find forself getting some gains in the muscle department as well.

Sorry about your recent failures in the mafia life. This life isn't cut out for some. Like they said Kali can help you get some gains bro. Although  gains will only get you so far in this life. IF you go to Kali yes you will get gains. You'll be a buff as mobster . Yes buff but a buff ass mobster that still fails. What you need is finesse and savageness. Now that shit will get you far. Don't worry about gains get some finesse.  You need a teacher? Hit me up kid free of charge.  Unlike Kali his  useless tips cost a pretty penny.

FINESSE It gets the job done.

GreenBean smiles as he listens to the young man. He wonders how it has come to be that he is now a founding member of this "Team Fail". After a moment of thought he burst into laughter.

Camilo, you are...if nothing else a driven man! A go getter. After a few to many drinks I havr a tendancy to wallow in self pity; sad but true. 

Team? I think its more apt to call it a support group! Feel free to air our your failures. Need someone to listen? Just want to talk about everything thats gone wrong? 

For example:

I attempted to crack a safe last week and the cops caught me. I spent two days in jail because attempting to break into the police stations safe is a bad idea.

During a jail break i thought it smart to stop and take a look around...I ended up staying a lot longer than i wanted.

So, how have you failed? 

"Camilo. I suppose when you raise that question it can raise a question for others, but. We can all see you are an ambitious indvidual, you'll know when you recognize your mistakes; teamwork is what gets you through the most hardest of situations, even where you don't see it for the least, life is always unexpected. Being a mobster isn't cut out for everybody, just ask yourself what can you bring to the table? Believe in yourself."

Joey arrives, on a quiet and sunny Saturday afternoon, to the local community rec center. He makes his way for the large double doors, pushing them open with his shoulder while glancing down at the flyer in his hand. He searches the building for a minute or two before finding the room he's been searching for. Room 2A. Taking a deep breath Joey seems to find the courage to open the door at last.

He enters the room, many self-motivating posters surround him on the walls. In the center of the room there are a number of people, none that he seems to recall, sitting in various colored plastic chairs in a circle. There is a table of cookies and coffee by the door and Joey walks over to help himself. As he begins to sip some coffee and munches down a chocolate chip cookie he listens to the various stories that people have to tell, stories of awful and sometimes... hilarious failure.

After a few minutes of listening Joey makes his way to the circle. The man that seems to be in charge motions for Joey to take a seat in an empty chair so he does.

"Welcome Sir, we are glad to have you here with us! Would you like to introduce yourself to the others?"

"My... my name is Joey" Joey says almost under his breath.

"Hi Joey!" The group repeats his name to him as a whole, almost catching him off guard.

Joey finishes his coffee and places the cup beside the foot of his chair. The man in charge motions for Joey to speak. Joey takes a final deep breath before telling his own story of failure.

"About... about a week ago I had my wallet stolen from my pocket in the streets by a man that calls himself... Koehler. I saw him do it so I chased him down with the intent to take my wallet back, by force." The group nods along, some are smiling, others look nervous, and a few others look... like they don't give a shit. Or maybe like they don't know where they are...

"Anyways, I catch up to the guy but rather than hit him I wimped out, and just awkwardly tried to take HIS wallet out of his back pocket... while he was facing me. Needless to say it didn't go well... he ended up kicking my ass and taking the large briefcase of cash I had with me instead... had about 5 million in there. Not sure why he didn't go for that in the first place honestly. Well he left me there for dead and so far has been going around bragging to people about it... hurt my ego, my face, and my wallet a lot. But, I suppose that's my story of failure." 

Joey finishes up his story with an embarrassed sigh, eyes locked onto the floor in shame. The room was silent, nobody was laughing or anything but they certainly seemed puzzled.

"Joey... I think... I think you may have the wrong room..." Said the man after a long period of silence.

"The Fail Support Group is next door... room 2B... you're in 2A..."

Joey silently pulled the flyer from his pocket once more to confirm this. Mmmhm... 2B... Damn it. Joey stood, head hung low, and made his way to the correct room. Seems even in trying to admit to his failure... he failed...

To be totally honest, Sasha , Damut , I am afraid a confrontation with a tough, the sight alone of a man like KaliMuscle (this is awkward.. a man like.. as if there are more men like him) would be a little too much to handle for me. The sight of all those muscles on just one single man would be very confronting.. And 21Savage 's finesse skills may be a little too slick for me, too!

Switching his attention to GreenBean , Camilo looks slightly disappointed and in between some sighs, he mumbles something about even failing to found a proper Failing Team. Sure, I understand, GreenBean.. Yes.. supporting group.. sigh.. supporting group..

Then suddenly, walking at the pace of a tortoise with a broken leg, JoeyO steps around the corner. Within an instant Camilo recognizes the depression, the dejection, the dismay over yet another failure in his composure.
He walks up to him and welcomes him to this first Team Support Group Fail meeting..

Joey accepts the warm welcome and has a seat with the group, his eyes never leaving his own shoes. After some time of silence he tells his story one more time, this time to the correct group of people thankfully. As he finishes his story he lifts his head to look around the room. Expecting to see many people staring at him with judgement on their faces, or stifled laughter heard around the room, he is instead greeted by looks of sympathy and understanding... by kind words and positive feedback telling him that he could get back on his feet, turn his luck around, and to stop hitting his head off of the walls. 

"They may be padded but that doesn't mean they can't hurt at all Mr. Olbose!" The beautiful, caring voices say.

It was at this moment Joey awoke to find himself in a straight-jacket, still locked away in that looney-bin he thought he had escaped... failure had found him again.

Jesus stumbled out of the speakeasy after having one too many whiskeys. What he saw on the corner of the street surprised him. His childhood friend Camilo was sitting on the corner of the street, looking like a sack of potatoes, or as he has pointed out many times patatoes. Jesus thought to himself how it was that life was so unfair.

Jesus had quickly progressed through the ranks of the Mano del Diavolo family, he had never had a failed pickpocket in his life.

Yet Camilo didn't seem to recognise Jesus. So Jesus thought of something. He had heard Camilo exclaiming how useless he was so he would help him a bit. Jesus stopped in the middle of the street and stuck his wallet in his back pocket. About twenty seconds later he felt some hairy hands touching his bum. Ten seconds after that he turned his head to see Camilo stroll away casualy in the way he did when he was younger after he had pickpocketed someone.

Jesus was happy because he knew he made Camilos day at least a bit better.

Camilo walked towards the Support Group meeting room, that was so familiar to him, hoping to find someone there to speak to them about his renewed reminder of being the one of the least talented Mafiosi around.

Upon entering, he found an empty room.. Someone had put up some articles on the bulletin board.. One was a cut-out newspaper about former member JoeyO , and how he overcame his struggle in failure to now be a succesful crewleader of the Hardcases.

Next to it was a motivational quote poster, reading

I have not failed, I just have found 10,000 ways that do not work - Thomas Edison

Camilo was counting his life's failures and whispered: Fuck me, but at least I have beaten Thomas in one way..

Next to it, another little success story of someone he used to compare himself with, apparently GreenBean had made it to being some Godfather's Right Hand Man, and looking at the weathered colour of the paper, he has been there for some time already..

The direct reason for Camilo to get here was a recent string of failures. He set up 7 minuscule OC's in a row, and managed to fail them all. After getting out of jail, he went to some kind of hand-out, where he was laughed at by JoeyO for showing up late.. again..

Camilo walked up to the medicine cabinet, that was obtained at an auction from some former pseudo doctor's practice in Chicago, opened it and found.. Just empty bottles of booze.. Looking at the labels made him quite proud..

Hey! At least it was pretty good booze I failed to find!

Joey remembered the dreams so vividly... as if he had been to this little local community rec-center before...

He pushed his way through the front doors and made his way to one of the back rooms. As he walked past room 2B he peeked in to see Camilo staring at a bunch of empty bottles of alcohol and smiling like a crazy person. The sign on the door said "Fail Support Group". As Joey read the sign it all came flooding back into his mind like a tsunami of bad thoughts... It seemed that in his recent success he had been able to bury his past failures deep within and had forgotten about them entirely! All the visits to the local jails, the muggings, failed drug deals and the time he had stolen a purse only to fall on his face 10 feet away and then be pepper sprayed by an old lady that looked INCREDIBLY like Betty White! 

Joey stood in the doorway looking at his old friend Camilo. Joey was on the edge of a total breakdown at this moment and Camilo hadn't even seen him yet. His breath started to accelerate, he could feel tears welling up in his eyes and it was all about to come to a terrifying climatic explosion of emotion...

Joey abruptly composes himself, instantly returns to normal, shrugs and pulls an apple out of his jacket pocket. He takes a large bite from the apple and smiles ear to ear. Then continues down the hall to go and resume his business that brought him here in the first place: to extort the guy that owns the Rec-Center into letting him rent the entire place once a week for massive parties for the Hardcases!