The tubes in the radio hum after you flip the switch to "on". After a few moments, you hear the familiar sound of static and you turn the dial through the stations, until you get to 690AM, MBC Radio. You sit down and listen to your favorite station...

Anchorman: ...was sentenced to life after being convicted of murder. What a shame. Well, folks, that's it for MBC News at 6, stay tuned for tonight's episode of "Mafia Adventures," brought to you by Chesterfield Cigarettes.

Music Chimes

Announcer: Chesterfield cigarettes now come in King Size, for an even longer smoke. And unlike other cigarettes, Chesterfield cigarettes are made with 100% quality tobacco. When you smoke Chesterfields, you're smoking the best. Chesterfield cigarettes: an independent study found no ill effects from smoking Chesterfields. But don't take it from me. Here's a report from Doctor Irving Shyster. He writes: "It is my opinion that there are no ill effects from smoking Chesterfields." Remember this medical report and buy Chesterfields. Chesterfield, the healthy cigarette, now in King Size.

Organ Music

Announcer: And now, tonight's episode of "Mafia Adventures," brought to you by Chesterfields! Tonight's episode comes from our old friend, Alfred Hatchblock. What do you have for us tonight, Alfred?

Alfred: Good evenink. Tonight we have a tale of lies and deceit. Of mice and men. And of muuurder.
Announcer: Sounds pretty dark, Alfred. Well, take it away!

Alfred: Good evenink and welcome to another episode of "Mafia Adventures." I'm your host, Alfred Hatchblock. Tonight's tale begins in the slums of one New York City...

Sounds of car horns and people walking can be heard in the background.

Tony: I hate this city, Tommy. No one talks. They just walk. Walk, walk, walk. I'm friggin' sick of it.

Tommy: Tony, man, you're upset. Ya gotta calm down, buddy. So you lost fifty grand at the casino. Big friggin' deal. You was born poor and you're gonna stay that way. So what?

Tony: Because it wasn't my money! What don't you understand? The boss gave me that money to pay off an informant tonight. I'm screwed, Tommy. Unless you got five large to loan me? Nah, I didn't think so. What the hell are we gonna do?

Tommy: When you don't bring back that case the informant is supposed to give you, the boss is gonna be pissed.

Tony: That's it! You're a damn genius, Tommy. We just gotta get the case! Who gives a shit if I pay the man, as long as we get the case!

Tommy: Yeah? And how, exactly, do you plan to go about this little plan of yours?

Tony: I go to the meetin' and plug the poor son of bitch, then I take the case.

Tommy: And the boss?

Tony: He don't know nuthin'. He reads the paper, it says some random schmuck gets wacked for no reason, he moves on.

Tommy: I don't know about this "we" shit, either, Tony. This ain't my gig. I'm out.

Tony: Fine, get lost. I gotta go get a piece before the meetin'. See you around.

Footsteps, then music

Announcer: And now a word from our sponsor, Chesterfield Cigarettes. Chesterfields have 50% more flavor than any other leading brand. And now Chesterfields come in King Size! Chesterfield Cigarettes: Smoke to your health. And now, back to our program.

There is the sound of dripping water and footsteps.

Tony: Hello? Anyone here? Why the hell are we meeting in the basement of a damned parking garage, anyway?

Informant (whispering): Over here.

Quiet footsteps are the only sound until Tony reaches the Informant.

Informant: Do you have the money?

Tony: Do you have the case?

Informant: Of course. Why would you ask that? You do have the money, don't you?

Tony: It's right here, buddy.

Blam! A gunshot shatters the silence. A body falls to the floor. Footsteps are heard as Tony walks to the body.

Tony: Thanks, pal. You're a lifesaver. Nice veil, too. Hey, I wonder who you are...

Rustling sounds as Tony removes the cloth covering the face of the informant.

Tony: Shit, you're a dame! What the hell? Who sends a dame to do this shit? What the hell is in this case, anyway?

The click of the briefcase latch and the rustling of papers can be heard.

Tony: Damn, it's dark. I can just barely read this crap. "Receipt to: Vincenzo Scallopini, for Cash Received: $50,000 donation to Staten Island Orphanage, signed Sister Mary Henderson. Memo: Sorry for the cloak and dagger, Don Scallopini, but $50,000 is a lot of money. We needed to be pretty secret. Thank you for sending a good man to deliver it. May God Bless you as you have just blessed the children of the orphanage."

The gun in his hand clatters to the floor.

Tony: Oh, no. No, that ain't right. This wasn't supposed to happen. I gotta do somethin'.  I gotta fix this. What to do.... Ok, calm down, Tony. You can do this. Just lug the dame upstairs, make it look like she got robbed after we made the switch. Yeah. There's no one here, who's to say that's not what happened?

The sound of a body being dragged is heard.

Tony: Whew! She's heavier than she looks. Alright, so she was here, gets shot, guy takes the cash and runs. I still got my case, we're in the clear. I'm out of here.

His car starts and he leaves the garage.

Alfred Hatchblock: We catch up with Tony the next day, in his apartment.

There is the sound of a knock at the door.

Tommy: How's it going, Tony?

Tony: I gave the Don the case this morning.

Tommy: So, it went well?

Tony: Yeah. Yeah, everything just like I planned.

Tommy: Tony, I talked to the Don this morning, he had the case, but he was crying. He told me that the nun you gave the cash to was murdered and robbed after you made the exchange.

Tony: Tommy, I...

Tommy: Shut up. He also told me that he wanted the head of the person responsible. So, I told him who was responsible.

Tony: Tommy, no... you don't understand...

Tommy: Yeah, I do, buddy, I really do.

Thwack! A knife slams into a body, thrown from a distance. There is a low gurgling sound as the victim begins to choke on his own blood. A squishing sound is heard as the knife is pulled out of the victim.

Tommy: Sorry, Tony, but I gave my word to the Don. Your head.

Music plays

Alfred Hatchblock: So Tony found out the hard way that you should never gamble with someone else's money. Actually, that is pretty obvious. Unfortunately, Tony wasn't really using his head.

Announcer: That's some twisted stuff, Alfred. What do you have for us next time?

Alfred: I'm on vacation. You can do whatever you want, but I'm hoping to get laid. Good evenink.

Announcer: Tune in next time for more Mafia Adventures, brought to you by Chesterfield Cigarettes. Now, stay tuned for Guido Rogers: Space Capo! on MBC radio, the Mafia Brodcasting Company.

Chimes.

Joy snapped off the radio with a smile. The new radio program was terrific; she'd have to make a mental note to be sure and tune in next week.

In the meantime, she grabbed her car keys and headed off to the corner store. She hadn't had a cigarette in years, but after hearing what the good doctor had to say about no ill effects, well, hell, it's about time she bought a carton and fired one up...

Chesterfield, the healthy cigarettes. Now in King Size!

Duke sat in his favorite chair next to the roaring fire. The program had just finished, and he had the strong urge to smoke a cigarette. They didn't cause any health problems either. He was going to have to trade in the cigars he smoked. Duke took a sip of his Jack, and turned off the radio. He hoped there would be another program next week. Duke finished off his drink, and decided it was time for bed. He sat the glass down, stood up, and walked to bed.