March the 24th

The cats huddled together in conference in the basement of "Lucretia Borgia's" headquarters in Philadelphia discussing the latest reports they had heard from the city of Las Vegas. This was an emergency council called after the most dire of news had sprung out of the city. How had they missed it? How could this be, sitting right under their own noses for so long while now-Godfather Cryptic had worked for them as a Don for so long? But the reports were undeniable. Cryptic was not the man he seemed to be, and was no friend of the lolcats any longer. He had broken the one rule that meant sure death for himself. He had cooperated with canines.

but howz u no he iz helpn teh dawgz, kitteh? Pix or it din happen! Said one of lolcat's subordinates. A cat didn't go to war without ample evidence. If our protagonist couldn't back up his claims, the entire discussion would stop right then.

pix of teh hed dawg in Vegas, i gots dem, n aslo i gotz dem wit criptik sleepn wit da enmy 2 replied our feline avenger. lolcat had eyes and ears everywhere, so it was no surprise that there was ample evidence of all his allegations. Unfortunately, one of his best agents had perished during the course of the mission, but he would be remembered as a great hero to felines everywhere. The cats had long ago decided that no dog would ever rise to power again, and the canine cartel would remain nothing but a memory so long as the lolcats remained in control of the eight cities.

den it r setled n stuf, we warz dem

March the 25th

After the meeting of the feline council, all that remained was finding the perfect stooge to take care of the dog problem in Las Vegas. Luckily, with infiltrators posted in every major city, the lolcats had no shortage of options. They decided to take no chances this time, however. They decided they would recruit the meanest, most beautiful, cruelest, most sure-shooting godmother (she had a lot of competition for that title, too, being the only one at the time) in all the eight cities, Lucretia_Borgia, to their cause. With a powerful figure like that to do your dirty work, no one would suspect feline paws involved. But how to recruit her? Our lovable fur ball knew just the buttons to press. He got out a pen and pad and started writing.

Deer lucritya,
jus so u no, dat drez u ware make u look fat
luff u jus not wen ur lookin fat,
criptak

Perfect. Now all that remained was to drop the letter on Lucretia's desk and wait. Nothing would set a girl like her off more than being called fat. Cryptic's one way ticket to the netherworld had just been filled out, courtesy of lolcat.

When Lucretia saw the note, the results were predictable. She went into a rage. She gathered up her city, prepared their protection and ran out the door to personally kill Godfather Cryptic. lolcat smiled, knowing the job would be done soon. This was exactly the mission it had trained Lucretia for, and victory would be swift. Deep in the heart of Lucretia's headquarters, the lolcat council met to gloat over their mastery of the puny humans.

ohai guyz u wants 2 danse wid meh? dis guna b gud nite 4 teh lolcats n stuf

But meanwhile, across the country in Las Vegas, trouble was brewing! Would Lucretia be enough to stop the evil rofldog cartel? Would Cryptic live to serve his canine masters another day? Tune in next time to hear the exciting story of the Las Vegas and Philadelphia conflict!

Oh thank you for this my friend this was a fun thing for me to read. God bless and bring the joy continuously

Singer throws lolcat a ball of yarn then leaves

Boner stops and listens intently. A confused look comes over his face and one thought keeps spinning in his head:

Did I just hear that cat talk?

Oi!  But what happens next?!  And how did the lolcats hold the pen to write that letter to Lucretia?  Have they developed opposable thumbs?!  How long have the lolcats been hiding and infiltrating the eight crime cities?  Do they like cheese?

Armorist scratches his head, lights a cigarette with nervous fingers, and raptly waits for more news.

lolcat your a great story tel and so much fun.very well dong i  can't wait for the other half.and who ever think a cat could talk more less read very inporssive

lolcat your a great story tel and so much fun.very well dong i  can't wait for the other half.and who ever think a cat could talk more less read very inporssive

First it was a Panda and now a cat, the mafia can be quite strange at times.

Seems as though many underestimated the power/protection of a furry feline and chose the regular pitbull, and/or rottweiler.  This may very well be a new beginning to what pet people chose as their protection. A large brute dog or an agile, stealthy lolcat?

Dom, amused as always by the lolcat gang, smiles at ID.

To answer your question, Sir, I will always choose a lolcat over a rofldog to have my back.

Dom bends over and pets lolcat's cute little kitteh head.

Ohai lolcat.  Gud job un tillin tha rel storeez .  Peepz ned tu kno kitteh rulz.

And here I was believing the 'official' version of the story, Thank you for bringing the true story out, lolcat

and ID, I prefer a lolcat too

~W~

Chis is walking down the street minding his own business, his trusty 2x4 in tow, when he overhears lolcat running its mouth in the streets.

The Great one would like to thank you for an entertaining story. The great one would like to tell you how much he enjoyed hearing your side of the events that fateful evening. The Great one would even like to tell you how in awe of your unbridled talents he is.

Chris pauses for a second and raises the people's eyebrow.

However the Great one can't do that. The fact of the matter is this. Every jabroni in the streets knows that cats aren't as smart as dogs. Every jabroni in the streets knows cats aren't as loyal as dogs. Every jabroni in the streets knows that cats aren't as obedient as dogs. The Great one believes, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you have proven just how trustworthy you are. The Great one would rather trust a big, fat, ugly hermaphrodite than trust a lolcat. The Great one will be sticking to rofldog should he need someone to watch his back.

Our esteemed, brilliant, witty, superfluously awesome lolcat hears Chris Vaughn slandering the works and capabilities of feline-kind and is momentarily shocked into silence. Did kitteh just hear that properly? Was the world in fact so upside down that mere humans were questioning the capabilities of the cats? Indeed, it seemed to be so. Alas, this silly, silly man would have to be taught a lesson. It would not be difficult for a resourceful animal like lolcat. It simply walked over to the nearest drooling canine moron and offered it a chew toy (which was, in fact, Chris Vaughn's shoe) in exchange for a little mischief.

ohai kris i jus wnt u 2 no ur dek iz poopy naow bcuz u no liek teh kitteh

And once again, the day is saved thanks to our furry feline friend!

it wasn't funny the first time

go eat some rat poison

Lolcat ya rule my little kitty cat friend atlest now i know how the war started.

i like your enthusiasm turning a war into something you can just laugh at :)

With a look of great relief Tyrion approaches the crowd attempting to understand the incomprehensible musings of the feline.

People!... I have found the answer!

He pulls out a small device from his pocket and holds it aloft.

Behold, a mechanism for understanding the cat's gibberish!

lolcat converter

Seeing the eager anticipation on the surrounding faces, Tyrion moves among the crowd distributing the devices.

I know of a better mechanism for dealing with lolcat.

We commonly refer to it as a "gun".

Gwarble must be a dog person. Fair enough. As long as he doesn't dress them up in little t-shirts.

That's just...wrong.

I don't.