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Where We Left Off
Seriously, bold-faced-text secondary narrator? You want a recap? I just told the whole thing over here, can't you do anything on your own? No, I'm not carrying your water on that one.
Oh, fine, start at ... Afternoon, March the 25th
Ahh, that's more like it. Thanks. Anyway, as the sun began to set Lucretia had just flown over to meet with Cryptic and shoot him in the face because she was the sort of evil lady that liked shooting people in the face, and because our cuddly herocat played her like a fiddle and made her dance the war dance on command, but mostly because ... well, actually, those two sum it up nicely. In any case, Godmother Borgia was in a killing rage as she sneaked up the stairs to Cryptic's room in the local brothel.
Lucretia breathed deeply in anticipation of the kill as she opened the door. Cryptic was sitting in the middle of the room on a sofa, meeting with his canine masters. As Lucretia aimed her gun at Cryptic's dog-drool-encrusted face, she realized she had a problem. She had thought this would be an easy "in and out" barging in on Cryptic's "in and out," not a stumble into a top level meeting of Las Vegas crime dogs. As she drew her gun and aimed at Cryptic he dove behind armor dog to block her shot, and battle dog sprang into action and chased Lucretia out of the building. Lucretia knew that she had just crossed the Rubicon and things were about to get ugly.
Lucretia returned to her headquarters in order to tell top ranking Philadelphia mobsters, and the adorable kitten sitting on her shelf, the news of the critical falure. Everyone was shocked at the unexpected turn of events, but not particularly worried. Now that Lucretia knew that she had to look out for the evil rofldogs as well as the Las Vegas Godfather she would have no problems sorting the situation personally... or so she thought. It was the other Philly mobsters she was worried about. lolcat quickly hopped down from the shelf and went to the basement headquarters to update its comrades on the situation.
ohai guyz we haz prollem cuz lucretya mizt n stuf, said our cute protagonist kitteh. It was always straight to the point and business first for the adorable furball. n teh dogz r gna halp kriptak n it guna b ugli so we shud halp lucritya n stuf. What more was there to say? Evidently the lolcats had been remiss in their duty to keep the rofldogs from gaining power. Three of them had been at that meeting, an amount that surely told of their growing confidence and strength. The other felines at the meeting were not so concerned as kitteh was, however. They thought that Lucretia would be just fine on her own without their help.
iz no prollm 4 lucritya, kitteh, said tough cat, smirking at the puny counterattack mounted by Las Vegas. lucritya iz evn tuffer den meh! she no will has prollm wit dem
And so, lulled into a false sense of confidence by tough cat, the rest of the kittens decided that Philadelphia would make quick work of Las Vegas. There was no need for intervention whatsoever. In fact, many of them thought that on the contrary, their plan was working just fine, and they only needed to be patient so that it would run its course.
Evening, March the 25th
Disaster! Word was slowly trickling out that following Lucretia's killing of several high ranking Las Vegas mobsters in what had now spread into general warfare, she had slipped up. Apparently in her haste to escape the scene of the crime she had slipped up for a minute and forgotten to watch out for the canine threat. As she fled, she stepped in a gooey, messy trap that could only have been left by a dumb, dirty, slobbery dog. Pausing to remove her now ruined footwear, Chopper Dog swooped in with guns blazing and had slain Godmother Borgia during what would otherwise have been a clean escape. The kittens had called an emergency meeting to see what they should do about the canine threat. They had clearly underestimated the luck the dogs would have and their power to take advantage of such freak occurrences.
dis r bad guyz, said kitteh. reely bad n stuf n i tink we r at hole new levl of fail heer. The other cats nodded in concurrance. This was not how the plan was supposed to develop. All the felines could do now was damage control. Hopefully they could find a way out of this without allowing the canines to control an entire city; that would be an unmitigated disaster.
Basement cat was always the ruthless one and had an opinion on the matter. lets kil dem all naow deyz stoopid dogs n r fun 2 eet!
guyz we kint do nuffin naow cuz deys redy 4 us so we goto wate 4 rite tiem 2 striek at dem n be careful n stuf, replied our favorite feline avenger. lolcat always knew how to best handle a situation like this. Though it would be painful to watch the rest of their friends in Philly gutted by the brutality of the rofldogs, the lolcats knew now that it was only after they allowed the dogs a false sense of confidence that they would be able to properly retaliate. And so the cuddly kittens waited, knowing that it was only a matter of time now until they would strike at the dogs and bring their puny species to its knees once again. |
