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Morning, March the 26th
What the hell, bold narrator guy? You always pick the worst spots to start the story. This is supposed to be the documentation of the true story of the wars, why the heck would I want to talk about the unfortunate events that transpired after disaster struck Godmother Lucretia and her city was left to fight against Las Vegas without their leader? Lots of good people died. Lots of cats went homeless. Lots of evil puppies ate homework to celebrate. Diabolical dogs laughed with glee at their victory. Let's get on with the important stuff, rather than dwell on the ugly stuff. Jesus, it's like you get off on pain, bold narrator guy. No dice. I'm not going to tell your sadistic story here.
OK, then let's try afternoon, March 27th
Much better, much better. On the afternoon of the 27th, around the time that Cryptic was relaying his convoluted and rofldog inspired story to the crowds, the lolcats gathered in the now deserted headquarters of the late Miss Borgia to discuss the next step. Clearly the kitten cabal had underestimated the threat emanating from Las Vegas. Nevertheless, something had to be done. So once all the lolcats had piled into their hideaway the discussions started. As most of the felines that assembled were nervous about public speaking, it took a true leader -- a magnificent kitten of almost unnatural beauty, unsurpassed bravery, and unparalleled intellect -- yours truly, to get things started.
ohai guyz im glad u maed it heer n stuf but we has problem cuz liek evn if dey gots lukretya dey stil mizt us but we gots ta find new wai 2 kil al teh rofldogs n vegas n stuf b4 dey gets 2 strong. lolcat always knew how to get to the heart of the matter and bring everyone to agreement at the same time. After such a succinct summary of the events of the last few days the only thing that would be left to discuss was how to exact their revenge for the injustices of the past few days, and how to bring the rofldogs to their knees once more.
Hearing this, basement kitten knew that it was its time to speak. de dawgz r evol n we shud kil dem ourselfs bcuz teh hewmins r 2 stoopid 2 do it 4 us n plus den i kin has blud. The other cats nodded as they heard the words. Sometimes you just couldn't send a person to do a kitty's job. Besides, after their previous plan turned out to be an embarrassing failure it was time for decisive action.
u r totely rite bazemint kitteh cuz we wuz 2 nice b4 n naow we guna has teh reel viktry aginst teh rofldogs but ders also hoomans in vegiz dat we nedz 2 deel wif after dat. lolcat, like any good leader, was already thinking three steps ahead. Although the felines certainly had the manpower, motivation, and claws required to send the rofldogs back to the kennels, their human enablers would need to be eliminated too. That part could be substantially more difficult than the victory over the slobbery rofldogs.
Friends, colleagues, felines, if you have any worries about the abundance of humankind in the city of Las Vegas, allow me to allay some of your fears, opined PhD cat, as he had a stroke of genius. Verily I say, all that must be done to eliminate the homo sapiens in Sin City is to enlist the assistance of Godfather Deimne of New York. This task, though it may seem arduous, shall be facilitated if we simply recall his alcoholism and approach him at the local speakeasy ... lolcat knew where this was headed, and that PhD cat could drone on for hours if left to himself, so he decided to put an end to the soliloquy before any feline heads exploded.
stfu smartycat we get it alredy n i gots da perfekt letr dat we kin gib 2 deemon so wen we kild off teh rofldogs heel no 2 come joyn in da fite n keel teh hoomans
deer criptak
izn dat deemon boi stoopid? we shud totaly pwn him n his citeh n laff bout how stoopid dey r naow dat we gots de rofldogs 2 halp us pwn evry1
i new u thawt it wuz gud tiem 2 start anuther war n stuf
ur dawg 4lyfe
bawlyan
And so the stage was set for another epic confrontation in Las Vegas. This time, however, there would be no surprises. This time the lolcats would personally see to it that any potential rofldog surprises were prevented before any humans stepped into battle. As soon as the feline armies had assembled they would strike out in secret at the rofldogs, paving the way for New York to clear out what was left of the city's mob presence and once again leave the world safe for kittenkind.
Before Dawn, March 28th
The kitties spent the remains of the prior evening hashing out the details of their plan to once again crush the rofldog menace. Only the most vicious cats - no de-clawed weaklings involved - would be involved in the strike, which would happen at the crack of dawn everywhere across the city of sin. Shortly before the appointed hour, basement cat summoned his minions and gave a stirring pep talk to the assembled assassins.
kk guyz dis is it ... kill dem al n let ceiling cat sort de solz out
At that, the cats spread out and went to their respective kill sites. The traps were laid. The rofldogs were once again caught in the claws of the our feline avengers. The lazy, slobbery rofldogs were all fast asleep as the first beams of sunlight were inching their way into the offices in the Las Vegas strip. Little did they know, the lolcats were poised to strike. And just as the sun slid fully into view on the horizon, the lolcats let claws fly with the full force and fury of a kitten scorned.
As the dust settled in the desert outside Las Vegas, there was little question who had been victorious in the shortlived battle between the lolcats and rofldogs. The stray dogs that roamed the streets of Sin City had all collapsed of an unknown affliction, according to the humans. All of feline and canine kind knew the true story, however. Dominance had once again been established. All that was left was for the human enablers of the rofldog cabal to be finished off by the Monkeys in New York. There would be no surprises this time. All the contingencies had been covered and all the rofldog surprises were fully defused. At least until the next time the rofldogs decided to cause trouble in the eight cities, peace would soon rule the day for the humans once again.
Evening, March 28th
No way, evil bold faced narrator guy. You really are clueless, aren't you? Everyone is sick of reading this story already. Besides, it's not like anything special happened that night. All the important events leading to Vegas' demise are already stated above. The rest was just clean up after the dogs were driven out. Now, maybe if there's popular demand we might convince our feline friend to disclose the real story about Los Angeles recent disruption ...
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