Editors Note:

This paper aims to present to you a completely biased and opinionated weekly article on the state of our seven cities.

War Report:

A Killer Secret

On April 20th Deimne hit the mattresses and declared war on DirtyLittleSEkret. The reason behind this move you ask, why because of a rampaging Flying Pig. FP in the course of the war he was in was apparently shooting at every Tom, Dick and Harry that crossed his path.

In the course of his indiscriminate slaughter FP hit a member of Deimne's Family. At this point the Pig was covered in blood and guts and in a killing frenzy and his following actions would cause the destruction of Los Angeles. For this little piggy didn't confess his actions and accept his punishment as a RHM should do. Oh no boys and girls he preceded to attempt a cover-up of his actions.

First he ran home and had his harem wash the blood and guts off his body and dropped his gun in the sewer. Then when old Deimne sent out a message asking for any witnesses to the death of his associate things went downhill for good ole FlyingPig.

You see children Deimne, sly fox that he is already had talked to a eyewitness to the slaying and was simply allowing FP to come forward and face the music. However, FP was tone deaf and had no interest in sticking his neck out when he believed he had gotten away scotch free.

Unfortunately for FlyingPig this was not so and so he and DirtyLittleSekret's Family would go crashing down into the ash bin of history.

Another Mystery Solved

Late Sunday night Kerrupt removed Mystery from Las Vegas, permanently. It seems that Kerrupt had received word that Mystery's LHM was running at the mouth in local coffeeshops about how Mystery and Company had plans on taking Don Kerrupt out.

This paper has received unconfirmed reports that Mystery's LHM was seen drinking a few cups of Irish coffee prior to the events of his loose talk. It is the opinion of this paper that this substance abuse may have idled the LHM's wits and thus caused him to spill the beans.

Whatever the cause of the loose talk, the outcome is not in question. Don Kerrupt sent Mystery swimming with the fishes and proved that loose lips sink ships.

Entertainment News:

Cashing In

This reporter has made it his goal in life to visit each and every Casino in the country. This week attraction was the Imperial Casino. This reporter had a great time there between the scantly clad women and great music, it was a highly enjoyable experience. The best part of course was walking away from the blackjack table with a cool 250k. If you haven't been to the Imperial Casino then get off your butt and go.

Strange Events:

The Barble Curse Strikes Again

If you've been keeping track of the obits lately you may have noticed a link between some of the people listed. Quite a few of them have all had death wished on them by none other than one Gwarble Barble. The latest victim of the curse is none other than Prodigy_jr, late editor of Podigy's Fist of Truth.

This paper for one tends to find these events highly suspect. It makes one wonder if the curse is real or is the Barble is possibly silencing the free press and other dissidents. While this paper can't be sure the Editor of this publication is taking quotes from life insurance companies.

**Disclaimer**

This paper is ment purely as a work of entertainment and any fun poking is ment in jest only.

Charming.

I hear that Irish Coffee can be a real killer.

Robert meanders away mumbling to himself...