Get Timers Now!
Jun 25 - 01:59:04
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The Drunk Started by: Jackal on Jan 11, '17 20:37

Jackal walked out of Fitz's office with the directive to find a drunk stinking up the Vegas streets, looking for a fight.  "Some gay name with an A", Fitz had said.   Jackal strolled looking for anyone looking even slightly buzzed.  Every bum was asked their name.  Alexs, Anthonys, Antonios, and Arthurs were everywhere, but no name sounded more faggoty than the last.  


After a few hours of searching he heard a holler .  

"Axel, you stupid fucking drunk." Yelled a passerby. 

There it was.  The gayest name Jackal had ever heard.  It was the kind of homophone name that told it all.  Just like the axle of a car, you knew he took a pounding on "rough roads".  Worst part was, the sodomite bastard enjoyed it.  It may have been Jackal's homophobic tendencies that made him charge, but it was mainly the exhaustion from hours of searching.  

Jackal grabbed the drunk by his collar.  

"Do you know how long I've been looking for you!" Jackal yelled, spit spewing onto Axel's face.  

Before Axel had a chance to respond Jackal punched him in the face.  

"Shape up, and head on home."

Jackal reared his arm back and tried to strike Axel.  Axel weaseled out of his jacket and Jackal stumbled forward.  

"Goddamn it". Jackal muttered in frustration.  

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Caesar was driving through the Vegas streets with his bodyguards, when he noticed his good friend Axel fleeing from a man he had never met before. The other man looked like he had downed a few drinks, and was pursuing Axel, yelling words like "faggot" and "sodomite" at him. He frowned and asked his driver to pull up the black Cadillac against the curb. He thought that the cops and members of this Thing of ours had already driven away any Christian fanatics who threatened to disrupt business in the city. 

As the car screeched to a halt a few inches in front of Axel, Caesar threw open the door, and yelled at Axel to hop in. 

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Conn knew who the man was, it was the guy from the dragon rally. The little pussy who wanted to protect the deadly dragons that where being used for amusement. He loved the man thought, a charismatic and charming talker, and he knew Jackal was probably right saying they needed to protect the dragons. But he didn't care, because killing dragons was the most manly thing he had done. He looked at his arms, hoping they would grow bigger one day soon.

He had watched the whole scene unravel under his eyes, with Julius_Caesar in the back of his black Cadillac. Julius opened the door and yelled something, about pizza? Julius pizza?

"It's not the time, bucko..." he said, tossing the always forgotten axe to his owner, hoping his friend was better at one on one combat than him.
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Axel staggered a little after his head snapped back and snot flew out of his left nostril from the head punch, which ended up landing on Julius Pizza's car window. Maybe this is what prompted him to stop his car and offer a lift, he wanted a piece of the Drunken Boxer too. The punch kind of woke him up a little, and allowed him to dodge the second effort from the Dragon lover and somewhat obsessed homophobe. People did say that those with such an outward hatred for the type, usually were strongly pole vaulters themselves.

Before tossing his jacket to the dusty ground, Axel pulled out a hip flask from it's inner pocket. He took a swig and staggered a little, then took another swig and began moving about like a drunk, yet every now and then he'd be stable enough to let off a strike. He was currently shadow boxing with no-one, and completely ignored Julius_Caesar's attempt to lure him away and have his way with him. Maybe this name really was a gay man's catnip.

The axe from Conn was what really caught Axel's attention though. He must've kept it after that money grab they were on last. Axel caught it with his free hand, then threw it forcefully at the ground. It ended up digging in and standing up on end. This wasn't the time for one-upmanship. It was time instead, for the drunken master...

With a quick flurry and hip flask still in hand, Axel went to work, returning Jackal's love tap. Firstly he ducked then spun around 360 degrees on his kneecap and attempted a nut punch, which missed entirely as he wasn't a fuckn ballerina. Axel didn't want to be bent over at some point, so this was obviously his first line of attack, straight for the gonads.

While lying on the dirt Axel was very much scared his current position would turn into a tea bagging attempt, so that fear transpired into motivation as his fight or flight system switched on to fight-this-mother-fucker.

With a shock of adrenaline to his system, Axel raised his right fist up into the air as he jumped into an airborne uppercut, both barely missing and barely connecting as it just glanced Jackal's chin. In truth though it was a simple bitch slap as he wasn't a futuristic animated arcade character either.

This was quickly followed by a push kick to Jackal's mid section to cause some space between the two. A sip of the hip flask followed before Axel staggered forward after his opponent and lunged into a straight jab to the face which preceded a strong pimp slap as the back of Axel's knuckles were planted firmly on Jackal's cheek and mouth as the back of his hand was whipped back strongly. Pimpin' wasn't easy, but Axel was currently killin' it.

Noticing the lull in action after such an adrenaline and alcohol fuelled attack sequence, Axel took the time to down the rest of his hip flask. He then tossed the empty canister in the air towards his foe trying to thwart the homophobes return attack.

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Fitz had spent most of the day preparing things for the final of the King of the Ring event, after a hard day he decided to pop by The Selfie Shack to wet the ol' whistle and see if anyone was around. Having just sunk his second drink, Caveman rushed into the bar.

"Boss!!!!" Caveman seemed relived to have found his Godfather and instantly recalling why he was there went back into panic mode. 

"Boss, Jackal's gone crazy, he's just punched Slash's right hand man in the face... in the middle of the street." 

Fitz cursed to himself for a moment. "Axel" he thought to himself, that's the fucker that had been going around in a drunkern stupour. A well known player within the Vegas mob and now one of Fitz's wise guys had roughed him up on Fitz's orders. Fitz knew it began with an A, he had thought it was Alex but now it all made sense.

Fitz grabbed his coat and hat and headed out to the car, hopefully he could get there in time before things turned ugly.

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Conn jumped out of the Julius pizza car, trying to help Axel. "Take this!" he yelled, handing his friend a bottle of Lysol, hoping it would help him more than the axe.

Conn just loved Lysol. Why would anyone want money? Dirty, bacteria infested money? Lysol on the other was pure, bacteria and virus free. And it tasted good also, very good.

He then heard a loud, high-pitched screech. The look on his face quickly changed into horror, knowing all too well what it was. He got up and dashed, wishing Axel some luck before going. He took a little peak behind his back, to confirm his fear. A bunch of fan girls, a big bunch of them, running towards him as if there wasn't any tomorrow.
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Caesar sat in the car eating his pizza and caesar salad. It seemed like Axel was in no hurry to flee from the homophobe anymore, so he decided to have a bet with his bodyguards on who would win the fight and what he would do to the loser. Naturally, he himself had bet that Axel would lose, and be brutally sodomized by Jack in order to prove a point as well as make the fucker realize the pain he was inflicting on his girls. 

Richard Dicks was sitting beside him, and had recently tossed a bottle of Lysol at the struggling men, which had dropped down alongside the axe. The two men now broke apart of each other, with Axel grabbing the axe, and Jack grabbing the Lysol bottle, wondering what to do with it. "Use the Lube I mean Jack! Sorry, wrong franchise hehe" 

Fortunately for Caesar, despite his shameless meta behaviour and utter shattering of the fourth wall, Jack in his drunken state unzipped his fly and poured the contents of the Lysol bottle in, while Axel charged at him with the axe.

"This should be interesting." Caesar muttered to himself, passing Conn a slice of pizza.

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