That's right. You heard me. It's the most exciting time of the year again. It's the... 

Super Bowl

The finest potters from around our six cities are gathered here today for the ultimate pot off. The throwing wheels will be fired up, there will be jiggering and jollying a plenty and by the end of the evening, our team of highly qualified judges will decide on the winner. Who will have made the best bowl? Who will have made... A SUPER BOWL?

This pottery contest has grown beyond its simple and modest roots, now gaining interest from contestants throughout the country. Retirement homes buzz with the excitement of the competition as the grand finale approaches... though that could also be some of the medical machines too or if you're in the Chicago area it could be Bonkers' nan snoring in the corner. 

This year the competition has had its fair share of controversy. In the early rounds, all went smoothly. Some incredible pottery was turned, some fantastic bowls were produced but we know we can still do better. We can still make a... wait for it... it's going to be punny... are you getting annoyed by me yet?... here it comes now... Super Bowl!

In the semi-finals, things did take a worrying turn...

I'm really hoping that 'turn' pun got picked up on by the way.

In the first semi-final The Green Bay Packers, a group famous for pottery used for storage needs and packing, met with the Atlanta Falcons, a group famous for adorning their pottery with beautiful avian decorations. The competition had a three-hour delay when one of the competitors, a 97-year-old 'lady' who bore a remarkable resemblance to CookieSandwich's gran, was accused of using her zimmer frame for attempted grievous bodily harm and accidental destruction of a phallic object. The mind boggles, we don't even want to go there. In the end, the Atlanta Falcons won their spot in the final producing a lovely bowl with a majestic bird adorning it.

 In the other semi the Pittsburgh Steelers, most notable for their frequent attempts at stealing the opposition's clay and or pants, took on the New England Patriots, well known for their frequent eruptions into "America, FUCK YEAH!" in the middle of competitive throwing. This one ended in dramatic fashion with the Steelers holding all of the pants but the Patriots clinging on to victory... if not their dignity. 

New England Patriots VS. Atlanta Falcons

So you Super Bowl crazy bastards, that leaves us here today with one hell of a competition on our hands. It's the Falcons versus the Steelers. It's the bad versus the awful. It's the no-hopers versus the no-chancers. Both teams have direct ties to this thing of ours with notable figures such as City Hall employee Squishy sharing the same retirement home as some of the competitors and Vegas Godfather FitzChivalry appearing as a notch on the bed post of no less than seven of the competitors... three of which are or were female. 

Who's going to be able to keep their hands steady? Who's bowl is going to crack first? Who is going to walk away with a SUPER BOWL?

The betting is now open and we here at Tsu-Panda Bookkeeping are happy to take your bets.

You sure about that name? I was suggesting "Sue Panda" if I'm honest. More as an instruction than a name, but I guess this can work too.

Tsu-Panda Bookkeeping is a holding company of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe.

DISCLOSURES WITH RESPECT TO GAMBLING INVESTMENT PERFORMANCE

The Bets

So, now for the sexy bit. It's the numbers. We know both teams can bowl it up with the best of them. Both of them are capable of producing a Super Bowl, but who's the favorite going into the final hours?

Each team is awarded scores based on the quality of their performance. Their hand control, the curves they produce, the amount of clay they can get onto the bystanders in the crowd without it looking obvious, and all that good stuff. The judges' decision is final. There will be lots of bribes and vested interests at play. The competition will be completely and utterly rigged, but as we weren't the ones that rigged it we feel that shouldn't impact on the betting.

The line is -3 @ -110 for Patriots and +3 @ -110 for the Falcons

If, like me, you have no idea what the hell that means then let our furry little Panda friend explain.

The Pats being -3 means they have to win by 3 points to win the bet. They're the favorites to win, they make some great bowls, so predictions suggest they might come out on top.

The falcons being +3 means they can lose by up to two points and you'd still win the bet. So technically they could make an inferior bowl in the judges' eyes and you could still win your bet.

If the final score is a 3 point margin all bets will be returned.

The -110 just means that there is a 10% vig on each bet. That's where the house takes their greasy little cut. 10% is pretty standard for any betting of this sort, so it's not like we're trying to rob you.

What? You mean like if we tried taking a 25% cut from a lottery? Then we'd be horrible, horrible people? What if it was a lottery that could already be rigged before we took the cut? Ok. Gotcha. Thanks, SadPanda. You really are the best!

• Bets must be received prior to the start of the competition.
• All bets must be sent to SadPanda, mainly in the hopes of cheering him up.
• The note to accompany all transfers should detail which team the bet is being placed on (fail to mention the team and we'll consider it a friendly donation to our noble cause of keeping us in hookers for the week).
• The maximum single bet amount per person is $1,000,000.00 (that's $1m). 
• Should you wish to exceed the maximum bet amount, you must be expecting some amazing bowls to be made, please contact SadPanda in advance to agree terms.
• Credits will also be accepted, with the maximum bet capped at 2 Credit notes (or prior agreement on more).

All bets will be honored, even if someone does nasty things to poor Tsu or the then very SadPanda.  

Good luck (at losing, hopefully) and happy betting pottery fans!

SadPanda and his good friend TsuDhoNimh liked to keep things interesting. They were sitting in the pub thinking what could be more interesting that a few friendly wagers on some up coming sports. Panda looked down towards the end of the bar and yelled.

"Hey young man if someone were to offer some friendly, easy way to bet on the upcoming sporting events would you do that?" 

The young lad replied back 

"Well it would certainly become a thought" 

TsuDhoNimh and Panda sat down and came up with a plan. They figured TsuDhoNimh can deliver the speech to draw people in after all he was the better speaker of the two. Mean while Panda would stand around with his armed guards and collect the money and write down numbers. Ready and willing to payout the winners as soon as possible after the game. 

They headed to the streets and TsuDhoNimh gave his speech and then the Panda waited.