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In honor of the anniversary of Godfather Deimne of New York, several high ranking mafiosi had recently approached lolcat in search of wisdom. Now, lolcat might seem a strange animal to approach searching for wisdom, but the truth was that kitteh is one smart kitten. Besides, they figured that a feline viewpoint would be a fair counterbalance to the human-centric views espoused by others. Perhaps they also knew that there was always more to the story than meets the eye, so even if ScreamingButterfly's history was seemingly complete there would be gaps to fill in and rofldog involvement to catalogue. In any case, when they told kitteh that Deimne's anniversary was coming up (cats can't count, after all, so this revelation came as a shock) it knew that it would want to deliver a speech of its own about the wondrous splendor that was Deimne.
ohai der guyz im heer 2 wish deemon a happee birfdai n talk abowt how grate he iz n stuf
At this point lolcat paused. It was time to think about all the ways that Deimne was awesome. This was a difficult task for a little kitty to work through, because there were more ways than our furry friend could count. But of course, I've already mentioned he couldn't count, so I suppose that isn't saying too much. In any case, kitteh decided the best approach would be a simple stream of consciousness "mention whatever awesome fact comes to mind" method.
furst i liek dat deemon alwais can has reel hai fiev
Nothing is more frustrating to kitteh than when you are left hanging waiting for your high five by an uncooperative friend. As far as this kitten was concerned, nothing spoke more to the character of an individual than their high five returning etiquette. Deimne's ability to always be on time was all that need be said about his intense loyalty to friends.
him are also gud at biznez n wil halp yu wif it wen yu needz it
Not many humans were able to celebrate an awesome anniversary like Deimne was, and that was tied to his ability to quickly dispense of business matters or help his friends tidy up their own affairs. Truly, Deimne must have had as great a business mind as Corporate Cat itself to keep his affairs in such good order at all times. But there was more to winning lolcat's affections than the obvious business matters. It took real character to win over kitteh's heart.
deemon is aslo gud gui hoo luks funneh in da mornin n alwaiz maeks yu smiel wif him funneh faec
Some people think that it is in poor taste to laugh at those unfortunate enough to look silly or just flat out nasty in the morning. Fortunately for our feline friend, lolcat wasn't even a person, so petty human social norms weren't about to get in the way of a good bit of loving mockery.
n den i also luffs how deemon iz gud eyeresh n goez 2 teh barz n luks funneh n den dun coem hoem for days
There was really nothing an adorable cat like old kitteh wanted more than a bit of privacy with which to conduct secret lolcat meetings, and the frequent pub crawls through New York with the rest of the criminal enterprise provided just such occasions. Although it was certainly important to have an owner around often enough to supply milk and chase away rofldogs, the "every night is beer night" policy Deimne had implemented had numerous advantages.
but deemon iz has big smart bcuz he noes meh n no maeks kitteh haz baff n has a mad
It wasn't just loyalty to friends and getting the small things right. A chap of Deimne's caliber went the extra mile to walk in someone else's shoes and understand what made them tick. That extra effort to understand and accommodate others was oftentimes what made the difference between a brief spat and a smooth friendship. Thinking of others before any problems even cropped up was essential to maintaining smooth operations in the city and in achieving the long lasting friendships within.
n mowst ov al iz liekings dat deemon let meh driev n pwn teh rofldogs n is totely badass
n so deemon al dat is y i maekd yu lotsa luffs on yur birfday |
