Opening the door to this strange place that he had never properly visited before, Matt entered the room to find a small but tidy office with all the usual items you’d expect to find. There was a large solitary mahogany desk in the middle of the room upon which sat a lamp, telephone, a notepad, assorted stationary and a.. Penguin? It was just staring at him blankly... Behind the desk sat a large and comfortable looking leather chair. He walked round slowly trying to avoid the gaze of the Penguin, hoping that it wouldn't try to peck his eyes out or flap its wings angrily at him... but it did nothing but stare so he sat on the chair paying careful attention to do so as confidently as he could in front of his new companion and prepared himself to address his audience…

“Fine people of this amazing country, I and this unexpected Penguin, who shall be called John from now on, have come here today to invite you to an AMA session with yours truly. What the heck is this AMA crap I hear you ask? Well it stands for ‘Ask Me Anything’. THAT’S RIGHT! I’m giving you all exclusive access to ask me, Mattsr, anything you damn well like and I intend to answer every question possible. Firstly though I feel I should give you all a brief overview of my life so far here…”

“Oh where to begin… Since leaving Scotland and arriving on the shores of our fine country  – for the first time might I add - not so long ago, it’s been a bit of a roller coaster ride for me. Within the first day here I was fortunate enough to have been recruited to The Instigators where I had the pleasure of being introduced to some amazing people who shared knowledge, taught me the ropes and on occasion abused for their own enjoyment. People like the amazing TsuDhoNimh - who is the sole main reason I survived so long and am still here today, The wonderful and generous Malya for all her support and the absolutely mesmerizing RosabellaCorti  - who's not only gorgeous enough to now be my wife here in Chicago but has also kept me sane all this time with her extraordinary 'skills' and then lastly there's Reggie... *coughs* all have had a great deal of involvement in my success and I'm eternally grateful to them and anyone else I’ve missed.”

“I was thrown into the mafia life almost instantly with the beginning of the January wars that rocked the country, this on its own was a rather eye opening and testing experience for someone as new as myself. Fortunately through by listening hard, learning fast and doing as I was told (except for one particular incident, which has been placed securely under the rug and will not be mentioned again!) I proved myself worthy of a place in my family and due to some unfortunate crew deaths I stepped up to another challenge, Left Hand Man promotion. That’s right, this scrub, who had been in the country for about a week, worked his ass off and survived a war which proved himself enough to gain a promotion to Left Hand with my job primarily being to recruit and provide ‘entertainment’ in crew chat. To the surprise of most (Mayla probably still refuses to believe any of it...), my continued hard work paid off again within another week I was made Right Hand Man of the Instigators… By this point my head was in such a mess, full of all this new information that I had acquired in such a short amount of time that I thought it might explode, fortunately it didn’t but even now after having spent over a month here, I still find myself learning new things daily.”

“So before I give everything away and ruin the AMA, that’s my brief introduction to my short but eventful life over. For now I’m off to have a heart attack whilst I anxiously await your questions”

Hearing someone open themselves up to giving honest answers about their deepest darkest secrets was fascinating. They must have different voices in their heads, Tsu's voices would never allow him to do something like that. There was only one question on his mind. He just had to ask it.

Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck?

Matt turned his head to face John and found the exact same perplexed face on his companion as he had on his own however he also found found his first question being presented to him highly amusing and had to struggle to put on his best poker face and not roll around the room laughing. Finally after composing himself he answered..

"Hmmm good question and a tough choice to be honest, I mean effectively what you're asking me is whether or not I want to be kicked to death by hundreds of tiny little itty bitty hooves or be slapped into the ground by a massive webbed foot claw thing... hmmmmm I'm going to go with the 100 duck sized horses just so I can at least take a few of them out with some swift kicks before I'm mauled. Thank you very much for your question"