Gulping the last remnants of my scotch, I look at myself in the slightly distant mirror and smile slightly. Placing the glass down on my desk, I slowly walk up to the mirror, smooth out the tip of my fringe and straighten up my tie. With my father passing away in what feels like a distant memory, I was left to fend for myself on the streets of Chicago, and yet here I am now in a newly renovated office, in a reputable building situated in the South Side.

It took a soft wrap of my personal assistant’s knuckles against the door to snap me out of my day dream. With what sounds like some sort of exasperated noise, I know it is time to address the masses. Not happy with such an undignified noise, I quickly raise two fingers at the back of my assistants head and proceed to stick out my tongue like a petulant twelve year old. With the assistant quickly turning back around, I quickly rub my two fingers against the wall, pretending to look for dust, not realising I still have my tongue out.

“Why the fuck did I get this moron??”

Although my assistant muttered this under his breath, it was still more than loud enough for me to hear. Reaching for my gun I quickly retract my hand from my piece, remembering that this assistant was hired and protected by Don Kinoko. He would have my balls on a platter if I did anything to this assistant, especially after the incident with the last assistant and the tractor. Who knew that someone can be killed at 3 Mph, going backwards?

Opening the big metal doors and stepping out onto the streets, I look around and see a lot of familiar faces and esteemed guests from families that frequent our six cities. Trying my best not to be fazed by the arrival of all these important people, I allow my precocious assistant to finish introducing me in his typical snivelling manner. With a stare that could kill a yak from a mile away, I thank my assistant and proceed to the stand to talk to all, I presume, my loyal fans and supporters.

“My friends, my supporters, my loyal stalkers, and that moustachioed guy, you know, Frank Steve, no, Frederick Goa, no, Frank Stephenson, no, anyway it doesn’t matter, I am going off the point here. You may have already heard via mass telegrams or by a short, slightly oriental looking guy on a much prettier and far more important looking stand to this further down the street, that I have been given the opportunity to open up my own family within the confounds of South Side, Chicago.”

I pause slightly, expecting a rapturous applause, but only managing a few sniffs and a cough. Slightly perplexed, I look around to my assistant who is currently busy eying up some pretty woman within the crowd. Turning around whilst muttering many expletives, I decide it’s best not to keep my loyal fans waiting, and begin to speak once more.

“Although I may be a relatively new name and face to this world of ours, I can assure you that my bloodline has been around these shores for many, many generations, and despite the times when they turned French, into an animal, inanimate objects and even a face, yes a name for a face and a face for a name. ANYWAY, they have been productive members of this society and through the generations, have blessed me with their cumulative knowledge. Hopefully with said knowledge and experience, I will be able to serve the members of Chicago well, and be a true ambassador to the other great cities within our lands.”

Once again pausing for an explosive chorus of applause, only to be subjected to a few smatterings of hands. Getting slightly annoyed with the lack lustre effort my fans were putting in, I aggressively shuffle my papers and clear my throat, readying myself for the finale of my speech.

“So I have kept you here long enough. I know in this world of ours, we have very busy lives and even though you all are most definitely my loyal fans and supporters, you still have to get on with whatever you are doing. So without further ado I shall reveal to you all that the name I have chosen for my family is.”

Just as I’m about to reveal my family name, I see a small snivelling man put his hands into the pockets of one of my loyal fans. Not allowing this, I jump down from the stand and start to chase after the pick pocket.

“Young men should not act like this, you bastard! Come here!”

Running down the street after the surprisingly agile pick pocket, with a chorus of “YOUNG MEN YOUNG MEN”, the crowd look at the events unfolding and start to laugh. With only the assistant at the stand, a random voice shouts from the crowd.

“So what’s the new family called?”

Looking around at everyone, and realising just how many people were at this speech, the assistant pulls at his collar and wipes the ever increasing sweat from his brow. Gulping slightly and mumbling his words whilst looking at a suited man chase after a pauper in the distance whilst only hearing “young men”, he coughs and starts to stutter his words out.

“Ermmmm, well as we saw, our fearless leader Gravity, was trying to tell you what the family name was whilst he was bravely trying to apprehend that ruffian. That name being, Young Men, errrmmmm, Young Men….”

Gulping once more, the assistant looks around at the type of people that were within the crowd, knowing what type of work they did for these cities. Whilst processing this information, he speaks once more.

“Gravity has decided to call his family the Young Men’s Criminal Association. Yes, that sounds right! Young Men’s Criminal Association! He was even smart enough to abbreviate the family name to Y.M.C.A.”

For a split second there was an almost eerie silence on the street. This was followed quickly by a chorus of laughter. With people bent over double laughing and others smacking their thighs whilst trying to catch their breath within each fit of laughter, the assistant smiles and chuckles nervously, slowly retreating behind the big metal doors, but not before taking one last look at the raucous crowd. He was sure that they were laughing with him, and not at him. A mistake he would probably pay for at a later date.

Amy steadied herself as she got off the plane. Whoa... jet lag. She was going to be in Chicago for at least six hours, she just knew it. As much as she wanted to find a nearby hotel and take a nap, she had to make it to Gravity's speech. The nap would simply have to wait until after. Or during, really. She'd just find a nice quiet seat in the back where she could doze off as needed. Fail proof! 

Pleased with her stroke of genius, she hailed a taxi and set off for her destination. She'd visited the hair salon earlier in the day to ensure she looked okay for such a public event. The salon swirled with rumors of Gravity's risque outfit and her interest was piqued. Oh, beauty parlors - they were the best place to get all of the best gossip. 

After arriving, Amy scanned the crowd and sighed. There weren't as many people as she'd expected - a nap might be difficult. She made a quick stop at the pay phone and dialed her boss. "Where are you?!" she snapped as soon as he answered. "Don't be rude, come say congratulations. I don't care if he hasn't visited you yet! Get. Over. Here!" Her eye twitched as she slammed the receiver down. 

She made her way over to the small crowd and waited. Gravity seemed to be taking his sweet time making his appearance, planning a ridiculous entrance, surely. Instead, he surprised her by simply walking out with his assistant. Except, holy shit... what was he WEARING?! She tried to stifle her giggles as he began speaking, clearly distracted by that amount of thigh. The ladies at the salon had not steered her wrong.

Amy jumped as he yelled out to someone in the crowd, knocking her out of her daze. She felt like her eyes were going to bulge out of her head as she watched him run past. "Hot damn, those are some short shorts!" she exclaimed, not taking her eyes off of him until he was out of sight. 

Well that was unexpected. She couldn't help but laugh as the assistant finished the speech (almost as if her actions were already predicted). Realizing she should probably at least say hello, Amy bounced up the stairs of their new headquarters and rapped on the door. She smiled brightly as the assistant peeked out the doors nervously. "Oh don't worry," she reassured him, "it's not me you have to worry about. I love the name though! It... suits you all. Anyways, please extend my congratulations for me. I'm sure you will all do great things here, if only by keeping us amused." Amy winked and gave a little wave as she left, watching the gate close once more. 

FuegoSteve was in the windy city for restaurant week. Its a week full of exquisite dining with friendly prices. His favorite was of course the deep dish pizza. As a New Yorker would say, its a pie, not a pizza but Fuego loved them. Fuego was also taken back that they're weren't many restaurants with fine tacos. The area was filled with Italian food if anything...

Fuego overheard the commotion of laughter.

He approached the open streets and witnessed a great thing. A dear amigo of his getting the bump to run a crew of his own. Gravitio, Fuego prefers to call him, was wearing stylish shorts and a sports wind breaker. "I guess he's ready for both the summer and the fall seasons...", Fuego had murmured to himself. He wasn't the only one with a comment has he heard a women, with a fresh hair cut, yell about them. Fuego caught up with Gravitio after his quick speech.

"Amigo, its a pleasure to see you in the bold suit, I mean short shorts. I am extremely excited for you. Felicitaciones!"

Gracie stood in the back of the crowd, pretty pleased for the fabulous Gravity and the news she was listening to. She didn't have much to say, but then again she was mostly just here because rumor had it some half naked men might show up and perform a dance. The news was given to her late at night by someone who had a bit too much to drink, but she was not one to pass up staring at a man dressed like a topless cowboy. When the speech ended and she realized that there were no cowboys to be ogled she sighed and shook her head heading back to Los Angeles to take a nap. 

Having ran through the streets and eventually catching the bastard, I currently feel that my good deed for the day has been achieved. My reign over my loyal subjects has started with a good old fashioned beating to a pick pocket that was not from around these parts, I saw several eye candies in the crowd and my short shorts were glistening quite nicely. Feeling good myself, I was adopting a purposeful and quite a authoritative stride through the streets back to my head quarters.

"Young men, young men!", scoffed a stupid looking child.

I thought to myself that the rather moronic looking child was probably just confused and was trying to imitate my heroic actions. Not wanting yet another stalker, I give the child a half smile and quicken my pace to the head quarters. Lord knows I didn't want another HandsomeRob on my hands, but that was a story for another day.

"Y M C A. Oh look it's the leader of Y M C A!!", another ruffian shouted as he was bent over double laughing.

Quickly stepping around the pubescent puke, and looking rather bewildered at the same time, I slowly walk up the concrete slabs I have for steps, towards the big, metal doors, just to see a rather nervous looking assistant opening the blind to look out the window directly next to the door. I mouth to the assistant "What the fuck have you done??", just to see him run away from the window in rather a frantic manner.

Nihilist was sitting in his office, doing paperwork. He was fucking busy, guys, okay? Just in case you didn't know, running a family wasn't all bold suits and busty bitches. Nihilist was quite disappointed with this fact. He was in the middle of a particularly strenuous letter from that novelist bastard, TsuDhoNimh, when his phone started ringing. 

"Bloody fuckin' ell!" He nearly shat himself in surprise. His phone hadn't rang all day; he had his secretary screening all of his calls. He shouted into the receiver at her for a moment, before the secretary was able to get a word in. 

"It's Amy, Sir." She said tentatively. "She needs to speak with you, she said it was important." Reluctantly, he agreed to be connected to her.

"Damnit, woman, I don't have time to go all the way out to Chicago. You do realize just how important I am right? I didn't see Gravity at my speech!"

After a long argument, she eventually convinced him to catch the next plane out and visit his old friend. 

***

Later that afternoon, at the speech, TheNihilist had to stifle some vomit as he watched Gravity speak. He was wearing those god damned shorts. The same shorts they wore in their youth basketball league so many years ago. The fact that he still wore them, and thought they were sexy at that, made Nihilist sick to his stomach. The things you do for your friends.

He sat down next to AmyPond and ignored her nasal grunts of disapproval at his tardiness. She could huff and puff all she wanted; Nihilist may have been busy, but he would never have missed this man's coronation. They had grown up together in Chicago, along with Steve, the foreign exchange student nobody else would talk to. They were a handful when they were younger, those three hooligans. 

After the speech wrapped up, Nihilist made his way up to the open bar, where Gravity was standing. A strong stench of flour tortillas and beans met his nostrils, and sure enough, FuegoSteve walked up next to them. The three reminisced a bit, cracking each other up about past mistakes and adventures. 

"You boys want to meet up for a drink later tonight? I know a spot on the South Side of town that would be perfect for us."

After chasing the assistant around the building and failing to catch him, I lean against the bar wondering whether or not I needed to fit more cardio into my daily routine.  The thought only lingers for a split second as I look down at my manly, masculine legs and my fashionable short shorts and shake my head is derision. It is clear to me, clear to TheNihilist and everyone else out there that I am at the peak of my physical prowess.

Looking up from my moment of madness, I lock eyes with SpanishEddy, no, FandangoSimon, no, FrancisDrake, no, Fuego, that's it! I lock eyes with Fuego and smile at him. Looking to the left of MexicanStephanie, I spot TheNihilist who's eyes light up as soon as he sees me. Walking over to me and embracing me with a hug that was about five seconds too long,  I manage to push him off me, much to the disdain of the over friendly chap.

Momentarily, Fuego walks up to us and gives a slight weird look after witnessing the hug. Not wanting to expose Nihilist's obvious affection for me, I embrace Fuego with a very quick man hug and smile. Looking over at the bar keep, I order two beers and a tequila slammer for Alejandro. With the drinks in full flow, we begin to speak of the old days.

Making her way down to the South Side of town Erin found herself standing in front of the local YMCA. It was said that an interesting man with extremely short shorts was now in charge of operations. Supposedly it was also someone that she knew all to well. Opening the front door she gazed around trying to see if she could point out the owner. Starting from her left she scanned the entire front lobby, when sudden she noticed a guy hanging over the receptionist desk.

He had a pair of really short shorts on, she wasn't sure if they even made anything shorter. Erin walked over to him and cleared her throat making sure to get his attention. Quickly he turned around. That's when Erin began laughing.

"Gravity..."

It took her a moment to catch her breath

"I'm not sure those shorts are short enough. You know I might know a place you could get even shorter ones like that. So.... I hear this is your place now, I like what you have done with the place. Congratulations my friend, I hope the YMCA stays open and active for quite some time and may your shorts stay short."

Swirling around at the mention of my name, I notice the radiant and ever vivacious Erin gracing my establishment. With a smile, I put my arms around Erin and politely kiss her on both cheeks. After a second or so, I pull away and smile once more.

"I hear you have also been going up in the world. Don't think I have forgot about you my old friend, I shall have to visit your establishment and see how you are living it up over in the north side of Chicago! I may even wear a special pair of shorts for the occasion!"

I could swear I see a slight reddening of Erin's face with the mention of my shorts, but I ignore it. With a grin from ear to ear, I take Erin by the arm, and start to show her around the majestic building.