"Is this thing on? "- Tries to get the camera working. "Just push the goddamn red button"- Harvey shouts from the distance. 

" Alright, now we're talking!"

"To all of you that don't know me and are wondering who I am 'not that you give a shit' my name is Forest. Wait, what!? No, I'm not named because of the hi..."- sighs.

"Okay then, let's get back into it. The reason why I'm standing here today is so that I can give you all the chance to get to know The Express and me a little better. Let's start with me, how often do you get to see a Forest get interviewed (I'm a forest by the way to those who were wondering why the hell did I have a tree costume on, next time is going to be another shape!). Believe it or not my father was a real man, I was told that the lad was a Viking and one day, when he was drugged he thought it would be a good idea to please himself in some random tree hole. Little did he know that Arthur was going to lift the Excalibur, oh wait... wrong story. So yeah, that's how I was brought to life."

Growing up.

It wasn't easy having to take different forest shapes and show up at the school. That place was a slaughterhouse, may all the fallen leaves Rest in Peace but that was the moment where I found out I could take the shape of a human also. Well, partly. However, chicks dug the figs and I was full of them. Later I found out that I couldn't be stabbed so that was the beginning of the other life for me. *Nah man that isn't a short intro, The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness. This is totally related to the article mhmm so let's move on. *

Meeting the man.

It wasn't long before I caught the eyes of one of the great, powerful businessmen's out there. He was so good that he didn't have a name, but he called himself Pseudonym trying to look cool, not that he isn't. His name is probably Barry or Clarence. I'm not complaining, I could use all the material I could get in here. So yeah, let's get back to the story, I started snatching purses from old ladies, I was great at snatching purses, no kid around my age snatched purses the way I snatched purses, so that's why I came *not in thatmorning you dirty minded you*Growing up. Meeting the man. To be known as the "Purse snatcher". Well, that was 5 times Iused 'purse snatcher' so let's make it 6. So the express got a forest in their line of work. And we said in the beginning that we would do an introduction to everyone around the crew so while we're at Barr.. Sorry Pseudonym let's begin it with him. He should be in his office right now.

Forest: Here we have it, the great one, the undisputed, the prodigy *totally don't need a promo and not kissing ass off to get my way to the top, hint hint* Tell us how are you finding the CL experience. 

Pseudonym: It has been a hell of an experience so far, I have gotten to grab some great lass and lads, now we are looking to improve... what the hell are you doing? Forest, you can't do that, stop it right now, that's my tree you can't be screwing my plants.

Forest: There we have it, the great, mighty leader. We totally came here to interview him and not having a one on one with Splendtreeda, get it? She's a small tree and she's splendid. Smooth game on top. High Five Forest!. *high-fives himself because forever alone*

Dom 

Good thing we got that out of the way, next we're going to go and get a close up conversation with Boom Poom Dum Dominick. Believe it or not world Dom managed to be the hero for the day after having finished the life of a Rogue and to celebrate that he mentioned he would invite Tyler and his minions to have a truce *we're going to shoot the shit out of them*

Don't believe me ? Here is the news itself captured by one of us:

Dominick: About god damn time, shit fuck tits yeah! Next Durd meeting is on me, how much do you want, 5k, 10k, 50k ? You name it!

Now i do not totally know what he was implying by that or what that means but I am totally not making this up to get extra views and attention and this totally happened so with all said Dom is totally gonna have the Tyler's crew around here! Just you wait world!

So let's get to the interviewing part, Dom here is a real badass and loves fish. His fishies, fishes, fishs, fuck i don't know how this is spelled, he likes to call them his little water companions and they are the real deal in here. Those fuckers are more dangerous than my water gun. 'Pew pew ... ' There was this time when some random guy was messing around with his little pets and the moment Dom raised his gun one of his snake head's was all over the guy. Probably the main reason he is just one millisecond away from those getting rid of those good for nothing Rogues. Other than that totally great, cool, awesome *need to get a couple more ass kissed to get there!!* guy. Hit him up as much as you can about the Durden meeting, Dom4Durds1k937 !

Professor

Our glorious LHM, this guy came from the future based on what I've been told around. I wonder what it's like there and keep asking him about some football matches results but somehow he refuses, while giving BS reasons like it will mess with the timeline and such. Pfft, we're mobsters and need money man, keep us happy. Well he did give out lots of credit coupons so i guess the myths must be true. Let's get a word from him since we have him near us.

Forest: Hello Professor! This was supposed to be a questionaire about you but tell us about the future! Are there more not normal species there? Will there be a second world war ? I bet Britain will be a supremacy and conquer the whole world by 1974 right?         

Professor: For Bot's sake give me a break Forest, go do something else useful, and what the hell is this thing you're doing. I told you you can't put me on cameras. I got people looking for me from the future.                                                                                       

Forest: So I'm guessing Britain didn't get the world control than. Shame, could use some more tea around here.

 

Leftyy

After a disappointing leak i heard from Professor we continue our great journey with none other than our Leftyy. He is really a Righty but i have no idea why he decided to call himself that. Now Left here is my kind of peeps, he makes some great jokes, screws Pimp-Gerald 'ladies' when Pimp is focused on other business. He screws them even when Pimp knows, i think he's with one right now. But Leftyy is rolling on it and is so awesome that he managed to climb the ranks from Thug to Wise guy, then go from Wise guy to Consigliere and boom back to Wise guy again. He's awesome just like that! When asked why he didn't skip ranks directly to Godfather Chairman he said it was boring. A true beast if i may say!

Mickee , Anastasia and Hestia

Finally the girls, i thought we would be all boys band in here. Mickee seems to have been here longer than me and her shady looks make her look hot. Rumor has it that she has a sharp tooth cat. She roars while the cat watches her or is it the other way around, I'm lost. Anyway back to intros, Mick is a chick who will shoot the hardest kick so you don't mess around with this *hick*. Or you mess around but might take a while to cool her cat off!

Anastasia is said to be the last of the Romanov's but shhh you didn't hear this from me. There's some asshole Rasputan or Rasputin looking for her. He says that he wants to kill Anastasia but i think the guy just wants to get laid. Who wouldn't want to go with a girl who has waves instead of her face. She's the second abnormal thing in the crew after me.

Hestia is RICH, FILTHY RICH. And she doesn't share da love. You're great and i bow to your greatness, and that fence i see you standing every evening is the best fence i have ever seen. Those hair, those black hair... If you want to catch up just hit me up at my bank account. I accept anonymous also so go for it, here's the code to help you out: "392467d8c6375a6edb32bfeb1df9a4e3"

Dub The Liner

Dubliner is from Ireland. He likes long walks on the beach and is a fan of dogs. Dub also mugs. He likes mugging, legend has that he even mugged himself not once, not twice but three times in a row. In his spare time he blows shit up with Dom. For some reason they rarely invite me, come on guys i need attention. Give me attention fuck's sake! Dub is one of the few in our crew who actually watches football and not handegg! That makes him automatically rank up to the top 10 people on my list. Youre cool Dub! Keep dat shit up.

That was it for tonight folks. Thank you for coming and you can replay this as many times as you like. This was the tour to The Express.

But you said you will give a tour to everyone in the crew.

This is life mate, i suggest you pay a visit the other class to be a bit more relaxed.

So if you're planning to either get in touch with any of the gents and ladies mentioned or planning a takeout you have all the information you need! As long as you don't do the second we should be completely cool. *Do the SECOND*

Follow us next on a review of the NY's ruling heads. Unless this shit completely backfires on my face and Borkers or Pseudonym decide to warm themselves up by lighting up the forest.

Hestia looked down at Forest from her rightful perch on the fence. Wait.. a fence? Sounds painful. Anyways, she looked at him from the fence, Forest counting his small handful of dull copper pennies. She smirked a bit before grabbing a stack of ones from her pocket and making it rain over him. Hestia was getting better everyday at making it rain. Partly because she was apparently filthy rich, and partly because she (never) attended strip clubs and paid those women that were taking their clothes off on stage like.. something.. Something nasty.

She yelled down, "Encore, Forest. This was great! Can't wait for your next story."

Leftyy had gotten word of Forest's speech late, he came dashing around the corner clasping his fedora to the back of his head. Managing to get within earshot in the middle of Forest talking about growing up Lefty listened intently. Applauding with the one woman crowd Hestia had turned into, Leftyy began to make his way towards Forest.

As he approached, "I know this seems inappropriate with forest fires n'all, but I was in a hurry and got the most expensive box of cigars I could find from that specialty shop down the street from the HQ. You know the one I told ya' I'd seen one of Gerald's gal's beatin' the piss out of some chump? Yeah, yeah this is quality stuff and hey if you're not a smoking typea' bush you can always sell the things. But I appreciate the words about m'self, it's been a pleasure working with ya."

Lefty handed the cigars off to one of Forest's bodyguards after giving the bush a whiff. Shaking the extended limb of his fellow PwNY before stepping away to catch his breath with the fresh air from the end of a cigarette.

Dubliner was almost too ashamed to tell Forest that he thought he meant Rugby when he said "Handegg." Dubliner quickly realized that it had to have been American Football. That's when Dub realized that he never told Forest he loves American Football--Or HandEgg. And when did Dubliner tell Forest about his muggings?! This tree was good... He was really good... 

Dubliner smiled as Forest said he ranked Dub in his Top 10 people after having only one conversation. "I sure know how to make a damn good first impression!" 

"Forest, my hardwood friend. Disregard how sexual that sounded and listen... I have much respect for you. You managed to make me sound just slightly like a psychotic, high-functioning sociopath. And for that, I am eternally grateful. Also, Tottenham is doing good things..." 

Dubliner reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. "I'll get you the rest later, thanks again for saying those nice things." Dubliner smiled and said hello to Leftyy and Hestia before walking down the street whistling to himself. 

Harvey listened as Forest introduced all of the members of The Express, turns out this guy was actually quite the public speaker... who would have thought.. guy could probably make a live doing this if he was smart enough to figure out how a damn camera worked...

Forest had other talents anyways.. Harvey had known him long enough to know he could probably make a better living doing what they were already doing. But still... entertaining introduction of the crew...

Harvey listened as some members of the crew spoke up about Forest's introduction of them... turns out Dubliner liked hand-egg too! Which makes him instantly cool in Harvey's books...

Dominick likes fish.. good to know, maybe next time I want to suck up to the uppers in the family I will pretend I like fish too... probably not.

"Forest this was very entertaining, I look forward too your next masterpiece!"