"Well I don't really have much choice do I?" Min-Jun Hwan said as he took the pen from DanGleeballs with a shaking hand and a heavier heart.

The reason his hand was shaking probably didn't have all that much to do with the pen being proffered to him, as it seemed to be a pretty harmless one from the looks of it and Larry had seen many pens in his time. He guess that what was setting him on edge was far more likely the fact in Dan's other hand he was holding a gun and that shiny object was now pressed firmly up against Min-Jun's head. Larry didn't give it too much thought though, he had a job to do and he wasn't here to start speculating. He was always doing that. He'd lost track of the amount of times Disorder had warned him about "thinking things through" and  "worrying about the consequence of his actions". He snorted. Not today, boss, leave that sensible shit to Camp; this was action time.

Dan looked over questioningly, curious if this snort was the signal to deposit Min-Jun's brains beside his signature on the football league documents. Larry quickly shook his impossibly long neck and head and resolved not to let his daydreaming cost anyone else their life, at least not today. Dan tutted, disappointed and eased up slightly on the trigger.

"There!" yelled Min-Jin, oblivious to his brush with death, petulantly throwing the pen down on the desk "it's all yours now, then! My baby! All my hard work, gone!" He whimpered, dropping his head into his hands.

Larry wasn't impressed, neither by the Korean's attitude pen-tossing attitude nor his stubby little pencil neck. 

"Listen, if you didn't want us to become partners in your business Mr Hwan, you shouldn't have defaulted on the loan my boss gave you. You know, the one you used to buy that house you live in and that necklace your daughter likes, remember?" He didn't wait for a reply "How is Seo-yun by the way? You've met her haven't you, Dan? Real pretty." 

DanGleeballs flashed Min-Jun Hwan his meanest look and the effect was immediate.

"Of course! Of course!" The Korean stuttered, picking up on Larry's not-so-subtle meaning faster than Disorder on a bounty for his RHM "She's very well, sir. And of course, Mr Disorder is welcome to anything from me. Anything at all. He knows that, right?"

Larry gave him his most patronising elongated necked-nod and gently patted him on the shoulder.

"I'll be sure to pass on your regards. Anyway, he'll probably come to the stadium now he owns the league. Maybe the two of you can catch up then?"

The colour drained even further from Hwan's face, but he had the good manners to smile like it was a good idea rather than the reality that sharing a room all evening with Disorder wasn't actually only slightly less palatable than letting his daughter share one with Dan. Larry grinned; Mr Hwan certainly wasn't alone in that.

"Perfect. Thanks, partner" He said, collecting the documents, still pleasantly brain-free as he and Dan left the former chairman of the league to mull over his choices. Larry didn't think he would find the appraisal all that pleased.

Once outside, documents in tow, Dan started yammering. 

"What does the boss want with this Korean Football League shit, anyway?" Dan asked, squinting down at the documents Larry had just handed to him "not even a proper sport and it is on the other side of the world."

Larry sighed. "Firstly, he wants it because it is a good way to clean a lot of dirty cash. He's going to invest in a franchise in the league and whatever he puts in, our friend Mr Hwan will take and run through their coffers, so by the time it gets out the other side, the boss has a legitimate income stream with a paper trail a mile long. Secondly, he's a rich motherfucker with an assload of cash looking for something to entertain him now Isabella has been sterilised."

This drew both a snigger and a huff from Dan. They would certainly miss her in all of her bat-shit-crazy glory.

"And lastly" Larry added after sufficient mourning time had passed "Disorder's into this football shit. Thinks it'll be the next big thing or something; I don't know. He thinks it'll give friends of ours a bit of a distraction and that probably isn't such a bad thing, right?"

"I guess" Dan said, not sounding entirely convinced. "How does it work anyway?"

"Check the last page, I'm sure the boss got Hwan to put something together to explain it for people. Take a look."

Several hours later, Larry and his handsomely long neck were back on the streets.

He had briefed his Don on the profitable meeting with Mr Hwan and he had been tasked with putting the word out to those with a little bit of green in their pockets that the league was open for business. He had tasked a couple of the family's up and comers with the legwork of physically telling the right people, whilst he parked himself at a small table outside the Round Robin Bistro, which was always chosen by seniority of age.

He smiled at the pretty waitress as she brought him his drink and waited for the (hopefully) potentially interested buyers to come and seek him out and express their desire to join the league. 

Dan had been reading the profiles on each of the teams. The more Dan read, the more he fancied investing in the world of Korean Soccer. Dan had dabbled in quite a few things in his time but never this. This was a fresh venture and one that seemed it could be very lucrative, it was a no-brainer. Dan was definitely going to invest in buying his own team.

"The only problem is Larry, I can't read this fucking writing. Oh fuck it, I'll just have to rename the team to something I can fucking pronounce. 

Dinamo Danglies FC has a nice ring to it I think."

Though Dan was set on 2 Girls 1 Schlupp or Fritzl Palace, he wasn't sure people would approve.

"Right then, time to get these little fuckers working and winning me some money!"

Disorder strode up to the little bistro and ordered a coffee before sitting down beside Larry. He took a copy of the rules and read all the extra information explaining examples of how things may play out. He sipped happily at his coffee until he eventually got to the bottom of the last page. When he was done he signaled the waiter, ordering another coffee and asking for a pen and paper. They were promptly delivered and Disorder started writing a list. 

"Larry, I'm pleased to have acquired this league, as you know its wonderfully impossible to police and so its a perfect laundry for us. But quite aside from that, I never expected you to put together such an effective system for our U.S interests to exploit and have fun with! Fine work young man, I'll be getting you a new scarf knitted for this effort!"

Disorder signaled to a guard who placed two large briefcases on the table. Larry opened them and saw they were packed full of neatly bundles wads of cash. He smiled and closed the cases. Disorder went on.

"I want a piece of this. It looks like good fun and I'm not one for passing up a laugh. I've made a quick list of my desires for my team this season. Here."

He handed the paper to Larry who bent his giraffe-like neck down and read it studiously. 

Entry for one season: 1 million

Star player budget: 3 star players, 750k

Wages for the standard 20 man squad: 500k (if some of them are cheap I want my fucking change!)

Team Name: United FC

Stadium Name: Las Vegas Arena

Team Strip: Red Shirts, White Shorts, Black Socks

Team Formation/Style: Functional attacking football

Larry looked up with a smile and a nod. Disorder shook his hand.

"I'll wait to hear from you regarding the player auctions, I'm quite excited to buy a few star players to strengthen the squad."

Larry had noted down Orange's preferences disdain. He had always hated the man, second only to DanGleeballs in Larry's order of dislike, so he hoped his franchise fell flat on it's arse. He had given him a fake smile, a very long-necked nod and assured him he would make the necessary preparations. 

Despite his dislike, he was under orders from his boss and he had made sure that all three of the requests had gone through the league. DanGleeballs, Disorder and Orange were now all owners of their very own Asian franchises. Larry had done his best to conceal their involvement, but he was just a simple man with a neck to make giraffe's jealous and it wasn't long before people began to take an interest in the bizarre goings on in the Koren Premier League.

Larry huffed as he read the report in front of him.

PREMIER LEAGUE BECOMES PLAYGROUND

With the recent purchase of the Korean Premier League by purported Las Vegas kingpin and former cage fighting champion, "General" Disorder, it would seem that the little-known Asian football outlet is becoming the plaything of other famous names from the criminal underworld too.

As Mr Disorder has established the United FC franchise in Anyang, supposed Chicago mobster, Omar "Orange" Orlovski has acquired the franchise from Bucheon, promptly renaming them "green will always be my hero", in honour of his mentor, idol and attempted lover, green. Fans of the club must now adapt to their new surroundings at the ZugAMuf stadium, with its 35,000 seats, where they will watch their side play in their newly approved bright orange strip. Sunglasses are no longer optional for home matches. 

The third pioneer of the K-League is the unfortunately named Mr Dan Gleeballs, who has pounced upon the Jeonju franchise. Boasting top facilities and a well established youth academy, Dinamo Danglies FC are said to be pleased to have Mr Gleeballs on board; then again, what else would they say when they've just been acquired by a Gangster? Despite having doubtlessly been backed into a corner, supporters have been gathering outside Dangly Park to welcome their new owner with open arms. A spokesman for the franchise promised "big things to come" and that was enough to leave the Dangly faithful enraptured with their chairman.

With 7 franchises still up for grabs, it will be interesting to see who, if anyone, tries their hand at owning a franchise. Preferably someone without connections to organised crime in the United States.

Larry sighed and rubbed his forehead. His boss wouldn't be happy seeing his name in print, especially shortly after the phrase "Las Vegas kingpin". Even so, there wasn't all that much he could do about it now and the laundering was airtight, so even if the article had been accompanied by a picture of DanGleeballs holding a sign saying "I'm an idiot in the mafia", the cops couldn't touch it. 

With anonymity now no longer and option, Larry decided he had better soften the blow to Disorder by getting more people involved and potentially increasing revenue. There would be $5,000,000 available for whoever won the league and Larry's neck really hoped that would go a long way to encouraging people to participate. 

Peter listened to the exceedingly long neck go on and on about his new business venture. Despite nearly falling asleep whilst listening, it sounded very intriguing indeed.

"OK lad, I'd like to submit my team as follows"

He hands over a note with his instructions

Entry for one season: 1 million

Star player budget: 3 star players, 750k

Wages for the standard 20 man squad: 500k

Team Name: Avengers United

Stadium Name: Stark Park

Team Strip: Blue Shirts, White Shorts, Red Socks

Team Formation/Style: Possession Football

"That didn't take long" Larry muttered to himself as he read the latest dispatch with a frown. It seemed like the press in the US had picked up on the stories from Korea, albeit spliced with news of Romance's latest escapades in Guadeloupe, but picked up nevertheless. He made a silent vow to speak to the family's newspaper people to see if he could least get a handle on what was being reported before he had to read it in their pages.

LIVERPOOL JOIN IN K-LEAGUE TAKEOVER

Hot on the heels of the arrival of the United FC, Dinamo Danglies FC and green will always be my hero franchises, Pohang has also welcomed new investment from overseas. LiverpoolST are the latest franchise to join the league and this will doubtlessly be greeted with cheer from the locals and with equally great disdain from their new/old enemies, United FC, re-establishing the Manchester/Liverpool animosity, 3000 miles overseas. 

The club has been established by famed Merseyside lover and professional United hater, Tobias "Notactuallypartofhelpdesk" Weisenberg. Despite making his fortune during the roaring merchant trade of the late 1800s, he was quick to quash rumours that his decision to invest had anything to do with the old enemy being in the league.

"There's a United franchise? I didn't realise. If I did realise though, I would probably say it was best make sure they pay their fees in advance. I hear my Mum is still owed dock import dues from those woolie-backed scum from the '80s." 

We approached Mr Disorder for a retort, but as his staff continue to deny his involvement, none was forthcoming.

"ROMANCE" NARROWLY AVOIDS PROSECUTION FOR CAUSING EXCESSIVE SWOONING

His big hands and big...heart, have caused chaos among the lovely ladies of Guadelope, almost to his cost - but not quite. A very relieved Keith Jenkins (better known by his stage name "Romance"), was seen on his way to the airport having barely avoided prosecution for seducing an unhealthy percentage of the local female population. 

Studies undertaken by the male dominated  Guadeloupean Interior Department of Female Anatomy have indicated that on average, a woman's swoon measured 24 inches from the tip of the shoulder blade to the top of the buttock. However, during the two week visit of Mr Jenkins, this almost doubled to a back-breaking 40 inches, causing chronic back pain and near fatal levels of heart flutters. Greeted with his medical phenomenon, many were quick to call Mr Jenkins a witch, whilst others took the cautionary move of locking away their wives and daughters.

Romance denied 1504 counts of witchcraft and despite a compelling case presented by the prosecution, the disheveled and flustered looking female judge (no, seriously) dismissed all the charges. The wink and knowing smirk she gave him whilst doing it has done little to quell talk of a Jenkins' Jnr swaggering from beneath the bench in about 9 months time. 

With his plane departing shortly, Romance pledged to "prove to the fine women of America he was better than what they had at home. Or any home in their neighborhood". 

 AVENGERS ASSEMBLE IN KWANGYANG

Just when you thought things couldn't get any stranger in the K-League, former Olympic gymnast Peter Parker has pledged his largely ill-gotten fortune and questionably tight spandex to the cause of the newly formed Avengers United. Promising wild investment in the newly named Stark Park, which would be complete with a retractable roof and under-soil heating, the arena is likely to be the envy of the league.

With the player auction a few short weeks away, may eyes will be on the K-League to see just what level of talent can be attracted. Parker was bullish about his side's fortune, assuring the assembled press that he was a "sticky" negotiator and wouldn't get "caught in the web" of protracted negotiations. 

It was unclear whether these were meant to be jokes or not, but needless to say, nobody laughed. 

Larry set down the paper with a sigh and hoped Disorder wasn't furnished with a copy any time soon.  

ORANGE RISING IN THE EAST

With the final registration for franchises drawing near,  vegetable import/export giant "The Carrot Company" became the latest to try their hand at the K League. Picking up the Suwon opportunity, the newly formed Chicago Al Carrotones have controversially outfitted themselves in bright orange and will play their home matches at the magnificent 44,000 seater stadium in Suwon. The Red Carrot Field boasts under-soil heating and some of the finest facilities in the country.

A spokesman for Chicago Al Carrotones, Mr Prati shed some light on their abrasive decision when selecting their team colours:

------------------------------------------------

P: So we play in orange, so what? What's more orange than a fucking carrot? Nothing, that's what. Here at Chicago Al Carrotones, just like at The Carrot Company HQ in Chicago, we aim to be the best in our field and this is going to be no different.

J: But, er, what about Omar "Orange" Orlavski?

P: Never fucking heard of him. Is that the guy who washed my car earlier, because that guy put a scratch in it.

J: Erm, no. He bought a franchise here, runs his business from South Side of Chicago...

P: Listen, son. The name means nothing to me. NOTHING. And if he has a franchise here, we'll fucking flatten them.

-------------------------------------------------

Mr Orlavski has yet to respond to the damning indictment of both his franchise's chances and his credibility. Some are wondering whether he intends to do his talking on the pitch or whether he can actually read at all.

Larry set down the missive and wondered if all was well with his associates in Chicago or whether this was just some friendly banter. He guessed he would find out in the not too distant future, but made a mental note to let Disorder know about it all the same. He kept reading...

 THE SAINTS COME MARCHING IN.....TO THE K-LEAGUE 

Just when it looked like all the franchises had been claimed and the season would begin as it stood, our hexagon became a heptagon, as the final side came marching into being. The Saints has established themselves in The Dell, Pusan and have plans to entrench themselves in the K-League hierarchy.

New owner, veliotis, has outlined the philosophy of the new club, stating that the manager would focus upon a "solid defence" as a launching pad for "strong counter attacks". Fears that this might end up boring people have been quickly displayed, with their new chairman promising a strong showing in the player auction to ensure any chances that came their way would be snaffled up.

veliotis: You don't need to worry about our finishing. We're better at sealing the deal than Romance and looking at some of the sides we're going to be up against, we'll probably be banging more bitches every week too. 

With the final entrants now in, the player auction will begin in earnest. Stay tuned for further developments. 

Larry's hand shook a little as he finished his drink, just before Disorder motioned for him to speak. He was gathered in extremely esteemed company as his Don had called all of the new owners to meet before the league started. As point man for the project, it was Larry's job to explain how the season would work. He stood and cleared his throat. 

"Ahem. Thank you, Godfather" He said, drawing a slightly impatient nod from his boss "now, my boss would like for me to explain to you exactly how the league works, just so we don't have any surprises in the coming months..."

"Get on with it, you giraffey freak!" DanGleeballs managed to warble through his four chins. Orange sniggered. Bastards.

"Well, anyway, as I was saying, as you probably know the season in Korea begins with the Korean League Cup. There are two groups in the league and each play one another twice. Group A is a little Godfather heavy, with Disorder, Orange, PeterParker and Prati all based there. DanGleeballs, Tobias, and veliotis, you're in group B."

Orange and Prati eyeballed each other, suspiciously. Disorder gave no reaction and PeterParker looked a little sticky. DanGleeballs' chins wobbled with delight.

"Two teams qualify from each group and meet each other in the semi finals. The winner of each semi final, meet in the final and as a little sweetener, the winner of this initial cup will win $1,000,000, as well as early season bragging rights."

This drew a delighted thump on the table from Tobias, clearly confident in the ability of his LiverpoolST. 

"Once the cup is completed, we'll move into the league phase. There are 27 games in the season. Each team plays the others 3 times. There is no promotion or relegation. The winner will earn themselves $5,000,000."

DanGleeballs let out either a low whistle or air from one of his mammoth stomachs.

"The player auction will begin shortly and then the season will begin. My Godfather would like to wish you all luck and hopefully this is the first season of many for us."