The Simpsons

Name: Eugene Zuckerberg

Occupation: Time Traveler

Notable Life Events: Fought in 36 Wars

The Boer War, The Civil War, The War of 1812, The Clone Wars, The Battle of Helms Deep, The War of the Five Kings, World War I, II, and III, World War Z, The Battle of Hastings, The Battle of Yaman, The Battle of Yaldabaoth, The Battle of Los Angeles, The Battle of Olympus where I killed every Greek God and made love to Hera, The Battle of Gettysburg, The Battle of Waterloo where I sank every ship of Napoleon, The Battle for Hogwarts, The Battle of Boyne, The Battle of the Bastards, The Battle of Endor, I built the Great Wall of China with my own fecal matter and kidney stones, I carried the cross for Jesus, I fought against the Roman Empire where I killed 2.4 billion Romans, I fought in the Garden of Eden, The Infinity Wars where I stopped Thanos twice, The War of the Worlds, I was the Trojan Horse, I cut off Van Gogh's ear in a bar fight, Fat Boy and Little Man were named after each of my testicles, I sank the Titanic, I saved Dunkirk from Private Ryan, I put out the fire at Chernobyl with my ejaculate,  I lead the 300 into battle against the Persians, The 100 Days War, The 100 Years War, The Battle of Hoth, The Battle of Wakanda, The Battle of the Somme, I might have been Jack the Ripper, I carried the One Ring into Mordor, I swapped Hitler and Eva Braun's aspirin with cyanide, and The War in Heaven.