Something occurs to me. Crew leaders demand loyalty. Being a member of an underground organisation is, ahem, shall we say “frowned upon”? So, how to prove your loyalty while also proving you’re not a member of an underground organisation? This is something that I have had a great deal of time to consider while cooking short-order. And I have, what I modestly believe is an outstanding solution to this. I give you:

Definitely not in an Underground Organisation ™

So how does this work? The genius is in the simplicity. For a remarkably reasonable fee I will send you a badge you can wear, not unlike the one in my profile. These badges are lovingly crafted from Unicorn horn. The mermaids who carve them by hand wash them with their tears, before they are delivered to you in a stunning leatherette gift box.

By wearing this badge you prove to your boss, your family, and in fact the world, that you are absolutely not a member of an underground organisation. You are not now, are not considering, and never have been involved in any subversive group planning the overthrow of the current order. You are, in short, loyal.

This initiative has the support of literally most of the current family heads, none of whom have responded to my attempts to contact them to endorse it, meaning they must think it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

So, how can you take part in this mass display of loyalty? Well, that’s simple too. Just arrange for $10,000 to be sent to me and I’ll ensure your subscription begins immediately and your badge is delivered to you as soon as possible.

There is no better way to prove to your boss just what a loyal, dutiful, and fit for promotion mobster you are.

Now please, form an orderly queue.

I will take your questions.

"I am in one...ahem I mean can I get a badge as I a soo out of an Underground Organisation!"

Drexler shrugs

anoxia listerns carefully before stepping up to ask a question.

Is it not though that these badges should be earnt, not bought by any Tom, Dick or Jane?

ps

anoxia makes aware of the face he is loyal to his family, and not in an underground organisation.... just controlled by the pixies in my head

Whoooa! There's no riding on my coat-tails here. This is not a place to deny being a member of an underground organisation, it's the place to buy a badge that denys you're a member of an underground organisation.

Anoxia..... do you come with subtitles?

i dont have subtitles, only a small lehprichaun that is better at speaking than i am

Can you get him out of his box then?

anoxia removes his little friend who speaks up

i believe what he is trying to say is that why would you want to make it known you are not part of an underground organisation, because the people who will have this "unicorn horn made badge" will be the ones in an underground organisation, and badly trying cover up the fact, these are the unloyal members of the family.

He's clearly mocking the situation, and you people take yourselfs far to serious to see that lol.

Oh, you mean people who are in an underground organisation might wear this sort of badge as a thinly veiled attempt to hide their true affiliation? You mean people in this world might try to double-cross other people? You shock me!

Well I counter your argument by saying that people who are NOT in an underground organisation would wear these to prove that anyone in an underground organisation would be far too clever to give the game away with such a ludicrus statement of loyalty. One which is availble for the princely sum of 10 grand? I mean who can't afford 10 grand for one of these? It;s a thing of beauty and a work of genius

Drexler slips the cash into the kids pockets and takes the badge, skipping off into the background he smiles and pins it on his chest.

"Toodlepip!

There we are folks, the first customer is a family head. What did I tell you? These guys think these badges are an outstanding addition to our complicated lives. Now who in their right mind will not want to follow suit? Ten grand? Come on, you lose more than that in change when you drop your suit in to the cleaners!

Since this solution is so perfectly simple I believe that I will start my own business selling tags that read, "Definitely in an Underground Organization™" and begin selling them for $5,000 each. Only half the price of the other tags so they're a much better deal with only three less letters and clearly much more appealing to look at since there are no negative words like 'not' to be seen.

Anyone who wishes to buy one can send me a mail containing the money and a location so we know where to find you. We'll be more than willing to come to where you are and pin these tags on people personally. As you all know, New Yorkers believe in our excellent service record when it comes to tagging underground organizations.

Thanks for your attention and I look forward to your positive replies.

I believe that the current GF's have badges for this already. They come in FMJ and weigh in at about 220 grains

Mr RoRaG sir, you'll notice I have a ™ on my intellectual property? While many might suggest that your idea is in flagrant disregard of this protection, I personally welcome it, since I can prove my badge is of superior quality. I have cornered the market in unicorn horn and presentation leatherette boxes. I'd imagine your product is mass-produced using something less durable? I had a guy try to sell me a load of knock-off bakelite this morning. Perhaps he came to see you after me?

Reckon this bein' the Mafia and whatnot I might have the notion to start manufacturin' counterfeit badges for folks to wear. Got an 'ol printin' press in Big_Meech's garage used for printin' money, but I reckon we could change the printin' plates around to make "Definitely Not One Of Them Underground Fellars" badges without much fuss. Sell 'em to ye cheap too, or even trade 'em for some taters with mustard.

SlingBlade I have ter say I definitly like the sound of yer idea the most what with all these fakles these days you dunno who ter trust. I can see yer badges being made from the center of a pine tree and permanently scented with lemongrass in a dried out orange skin pouch, I would pay a few bucks for that.

I would so love one of these badges ..I would actually pay up to $1,000,000 for one, they look beautiful!

But however..
If I wore a badge saying "My Name Isn't TheSmilingAssassin", would people believe me?

My point is, people could pay a low cost sum for one of these badges, yet it could mean absolutely nothing other than some dickface n00b undercover attempting to fool people, but of course, we won't be fooled, we know who are at risk of being a short term pain in the arse, but that doesn't hide that fact that your business will promote nothing other than people wearing a pointless badge that means nothing other than easy money for you.

And herein is a lesson that should be learned for any aspiring businessman: Make a product that can't be counterfeited.


He slips a note and a photo to an unnamed individual and continues about his day.

Ah, but my product can't be counterfeited. I must remind you of my earlioer comment regarding supplies of unicorn horn. I have the market cornered. I mean, you tell me, where can you get your hands on it? Is it somewhere between hardwoods and stone in the hardware store? No.

My product may of course be imitated, but as we all know, imitation is the greatest form of flattery.