The Byrne Notice - Issue 3

By Tara Byrne

Happy New Year, dear readers. Obviously, a great deal has happened since our last edition. (This tends to happen every edition, since they are published fairly irregularly. What can we say? Things get busy.)

We're back again, and this time we didn't even need the lovely @CassandraVilmont to question "Where the f are all the newspapers?" 

In fact, there are more newspapers now than ever. 

We were recently treated to the Los Angeles Times newspaper, which was marvelously produced. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Unfortunately, the men and women responsible for producing said newspaper were seemingly all killed- which certainly puts a downer on my congratulations. Regardless, excellent work by the former editorial staff of the Los Angeles Times.

Secondly, we have The Outlaw Gazette, published by @JohnMarston. As a veteran of the newspaper industry, we'd like to offer Mr. Marston some advice by annotating his opening note to his readers:

The Outlaw Gazette is a new publication organized with the purpose of providing entertainment and information to the criminals of "this thing of ours".

This sounds familiar. SUSPICIOUSLY familiar. Also pretty much the definition of "a newspaper", so I suppose I don't have much of a legal case.

Coming from the streets of Seattle and shipping across the nation from Los Angeles to New York.

Mr. Marston, I strongly encourage you to ship to the cities in between them as well; just because these two cities are our cultural centers doesn't mean all the others should be ignored.

This will be managed by John Marston from Ballard with the hopes of finding support from others out there who wish to see well written and produced news.

Good luck with that. It's hard to find good help these days, and I notice your articles all have the same author (yourself). Maybe we can arrange a marriage? The Byrne-law Gazette? The Out-Byrne Notice? What would our 'ship name be? Byrne-ston?

There have been many attempts over the years to create and establish a strong presence in the streets through writing and publishing newspapers. Some have lasted for quite a bit of time while others failed miserably.

I feel personally attacked.

This attempt comes with no promise of success or promise that it will appeal to all those who pick up a copy, but the promise of a good attempt that will continue with a decent enough reception from the public.

Ah ha! I see you've already learned Lesson #1 of the newspaper industry... lower expectations as much as possible.

Hopefully this newspaper will not only be a creation of my own

And there we go, right back to unrealistic expectations.

, but eventually become a way for others to get their own information out there. This newspaper will be welcoming to all who wish to use it as a mode of transporting information to the rest of the criminal underworld. 

The criminal underworld is no different than those living the normal civilian life when it comes to the need and want to consume information as well as entertainment. Mafioso and other criminal elements across the nation need that part of their daily lives to be filled in some way whether there are stories, events, or the not so common newspaper that floats around here or there over the past few years. That is why this newspaper is being written. There is no guarantee of success in the newspaper business, but why not give it a go?

Honestly, how could a gunslinging Western outlaw ever produce a paper that... what? KateLogan had eight issues of The Logan Review? And she published them Every Fucking Week? That bitch must have been crazy.

Well, Mr. Marston, we sincerely wish you the best of luck on your quest. We hope that you do an amazing job and create the greatest paper our streets have ever seen so we don't have to do this anymore.

Reminders: What you should expect from this publication

Enthusiastic Mediocrity. 

Disclaimers:

1) We have no sources

2) We have very little talent

3) We have even less motivation

4) We don't proofread.

5) Nothing in this paper is serious; anyone looking to be offended should look elsewhere.

Our Lead Story: Christmas was Fucking Ruined 

On the first day of Christmas, a couple of rogues and a couple more takes brought us:

9 dead Godfathers

22 dead Dons

8 dead Consiglieres

5 golden rings

And a shitload of other dead people. And probably lords a leaping.

Anyways, we had two rogues who shot lots of people. Once they were dead, Detroit, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles were removed from power.

An explanation for these takedowns that initially began in the streets and later moved to OOC Avenue can be found here

Things in the Streets that You Really Should Have Replied to By Now*

*Unless you already did, but most of you didn't

Hot off the presses: @TonyCosta questions "Where does loyalty end?"- a particularly pressing question in our current world. Does loyalty extend through bloodlines? To what extent? Read the thought provoking question and give your two cents here.

Thanks for the interesting question, TonyCosta. For that, you're our pick of the week! (And you get a nice little cash prize as well.)

Other Recommended Discussion: What is your role in This Thing Of Ours?

Presented by @Zeitgeist, who presents several different archtypes: The Assasin, The Earner, The Talent Magnet, The Eyes and Ears, The Wise One, The Clown, The Orator.

Which group do you find yourself in? Are there others that you think Zeitgeist missed? Do you break the mold and don't fit any of these? Or do you check each of these boxes (so humble!). Read and respond here

Unofficial Achievements

Bored with the same old same old? Is swatting down gangsters and raking in millions just not providing you with the same thrill it used to?

Well, it's time to push the envelope and accomplish things that only a few have done. 

Challenge 1: Start an organized crime, go get a good night's rest, then come back and run it successfully with your (assumingly) exhausted partners in crime.

Challenge 2: Win seven hands of blackjack in a row when you're trying to lose. 

Challenge 3: Kill 26 Durdens in one spawn- one for each letter of the alphabet.

Challenge 4: In alphabetical order.

Challenge 5: Write yourself a message with the first letter of each Durden you kill. 

Any other ideas for unofficial achievements? Let me know!

It's Sad To Talk About How Everyone is Dead- therefore I'm not going to make myself.

I was going to write elegies for each dead crewleader- a brief mention of who they are and seemingly how they presented themselves to the world... but I don't want to. Three of the people who were very closest to me, Spaceman, JackMezzo, and William_Bowden, all died at the hands of the rogue. This isn't to mention the many of the other friends that I lost. These deaths, and the other deaths that followed, should be treated with a respect and depth that I simply can't muster right now.

If you'd like an in depth analysis of each crewleader who died, please contact JohnMarston c/o The Outlaw Gazette.

Hey, maybe this two paper thing won't be so bad after all!

A Continuation of Last Month's Feature: Not Everyone is Dead

Where do we stand, as a society?

Moving in Alphabetical Order of Cities

Chicago

Leaders: After the death of Rubix, @Ellie and @CassandraVilmont are running Chicago. 

Size: Chicago is currently made up of 52 members of this thing of ours.

Public VIPs: Chicago is by far the leader when it comes to VIPs; @Frank-Cali, @AlexanderKnight, @Lucia, @Mangler, @CassandraVilmont, and @RaylanVilmont are all in our top 15.

Delaware City

Leaders: As always, Delaware City finds itself run by the largely ineffective homicidal maniac TylerDurden. 

Size: 1138 1135 and shrinking rapidly

Public VIPs: "Although I have occasionally been harassed by mail by a "Durden", I've never seen one out in public."... I said last time. Little did I know that TylerDurden himself would speak in our streets today! Can I magically influence Tyler's actions? Let's see... Although I have occasionally been harassed by mail by a "Durden", I've never had one give me a million dollars."

Detroit

Leaders: @Rampage, the current GFC, and his district survived the takedown of Detroit. @Soseki now runs 12th street and @Giuseppe_Ligambi has set up shop in Corktown. Other leaders include @Adelita and @Lust

Size: 70

Public VIPs: None

Las Vegas

Leaders: After chaos involving the death of Madeline and the retirement of Roper, @HandsomeRob handsomely oversees the city himself.

Size: 20

Public VIPs: None

Los Angeles

Leaders: Two recent transplants from Philadelphia, @Zoom and @Nikita, are working to rebuild the City of Angels.

Size: 27

Public VIPs: @Mael and @JackWaltz, two newcomers making their presence known on the streets and in the business district.

New York

Leaders: Brooklyn's Godfather-Chairman Jemaine_Clement is accompanied by newly minted Godfather Space-pole in Manhattan.

Size: 100

Public VIPs: Two. @Zeitgeist, who remains a force in the streets, is accompanied by @Roxie. 

Philadelphia

Leaders: Newly minted GFC @ConstanceBonacieux, with captains @HughJorgan and @JaceCorso, is flanked by @Arya_Stark (along with @Epiphany and @Heston) on one side and yours truly (with @LouisMezzo and @Vincent-Alo) on the other. 

Size: 143

Public VIPs: Three. Newcomer @Nikolai has shot up to the top spot, while a trio of Byrnes hold on for dear life in the 11 and 12 spots.

Seattle

Leaders: Godfather-Chairman Coltrane in Pioneer Square is accompanied by @razor-blade-mario in Pioneer Square while @JohnMarston, @WilliamWalker, and @Marcella reside in Ballard.

Size: 69

Public VIPs: JohnMarston, my new best friend! Nice work John.

The Byrne Notice wishes everyone a very Happy New Year. 

Remember, kill as many durdens as you want... but don't drink and drive.

We'll see you next issue, where we're hopefully praising Issue 2 of the Outlaw Gazette and even more hopefully announcing our own retirement.

Ciao!

TB

Bella leaves a note on Tara's desk:

"You better mean retirement from the newspaper industry because if you try to leave your brother and I in order to run off to some sunny beach elsewhere, I'm going to have to beat you with my best size 7 pumps.  

PS - I need my shoes back."