Blueface didn't really feel all that well after yesterday's turn of events. Sitting on a bench and smoking as he watched people pass by didn't remedy his ailment like it usually did. And it was bothering him severely.

Two minutes. Three minutes. Four minutes. 

Time couldn't move any slower as the guilt ate him up. With the thoughts swirling within his mind, he couldn't even enjoy the tobacco in his system. As his cigarette ran out, he stood up and dropped it off on a nearby bin. He then took a nearby stool, stood on it, and clapped his hands twice to capture people's attention.

"I have something to get off my chest. Although, my fallen comrades in Chicago have explicitly implied that it was alright for me to find a new home before the chaotic blaze of glory they went out on, a part of me can't help but feel like I should've gone down with them. I feel sad that our establishment ended after a series of unfortunate accidents and events and I did not agree with their decision to follow the rogues into a bloody end, yet a small tinge of guilt still consumes my thoughts. I haven't done anything to wrong them other than leave for a safer situation. I really can't wrap my head around it," Blueface said as a small cough escaped from his mouth.

"To my fellow survivors, does your decision to keep on living on keep you up at night? And to those watching quietly from afar, how do you judge people who survive their family's demise by moving to greener pastures?" 

Being a survivor himself, Avard pondered the questions before offering his own thoughts.

I think we have an oftentimes almost comical attitude towards loyalty around here. There is an implicit expectation that you should, as you put it, "go down" with the ship, regardless of the nuance or specific circumstances of the event, which is, frankly, nonsensical. What use would you be to anyone dead? The mafia has a code of silence from the cops not an obligation to become embroiled in things on behalf of your deceased Don. Historically, the mob absorb as many useful people as they can when families fall, not pepper them with bullets just because and the same goes vice versa. 

With that point out of the way and disregarding the prevailing opinion that loyalty equates to death even when your Don dies, I don't lose any sleep over my decision not to get myself shot yesterday. I have a few reasons for this:

1 - My Don took on a duel and lost, not in a war.

2 - He was already dead by the time the news of this duel reached me.

3 - I had no correspondence from anyone within Chicago as to what was going on, I pieced that together myself. 

4 - I wasn't asked to help in anything by any of the survivors, which would have at least given me something to consider, had I thought them acting sensibly. I clearly wasn't "in the know".

5 - The people who did mail me plied their trade across the country and thought I would be able to help them by being alive.

6 - They actually sent me an invite. 

Given these reasons, I didn't feel I owed DeanWinchester's corpse any implicit duty to give my life away. If he had been alive and gave an order, then that would be a totally different scenario. The fact is he wasn't, his family wasn't in a war and therefore it is time for the living to keep on doing that. I'm sad to see his family lose control of Chicago and he always did right by me. I made my bones with him and I'll always owe him for that, but that doesn't extend to lost causes that I wasn't involved with.

So, in my opinion, friend, you don't have anything to feel guilty about. You didn't betray anyone and deciding not to throw your life away doesn't display a lack of loyalty for what was.

Addie came and sat down on the bench Blueface had been sitting at.  She crossed her ankles and sat in a lady-like fashion as she smoothed out her dress a bit.

"I can understand and empathize with your emotions that you are feeling.  As a survivor, I have been faced with some salt from the kin of the fallen.  I have tried to not take it personally.  They are in mourning and so I choose to give them grace."

Addie opened the fan that hung from her wrist and used it to cool herself off from the sultry summer heat.

"You have done nothing wrong, sir, and you should not feel bad for the decision you made.  When a crew leader dies, we are violently thrown back to the streets.  All associations are cut in that act.  Button men find that their button has been removed and they have no home.  The same is true of the associates.  They are defenseless and at the mercies of cruel streets.  Their duty to their leader is done."

The young woman smiled at Blueface.  "Take heart, my good fellow.  It is a sad day indeed, but the days ahead will be better."

Wut hears Blueface's empty words and spits at his feet.

Sir you may have a blue face but you have the yellow belly of a coward. I noticed you've received a few tips, clearly it's others acting like they are experiencing survivor's guilt as well. I have no doubt you and the other yellow bellies will go far in this life because clearly you will do whatever it takes to save your own arse. When your day does come and the crowd gathers around your cold dead body and whispers rest in peace, I doubt anyone will attach the word respect to your name or the other's like you. 

Wut reaches in his pocket and pulls out a neatly folded piece of paper.

A concerned citizen asked me to give you this message.

"When you become an associate of a family, you begin to help build that foundation. You begin to earn trust, respect, protection and loyalty from the city you helped. It's a vice-versa kind of thing. Now the issue I see here is you really have no idea what loyalty truly means nor do you deserve it. Once you become a made member, a hand, or anyone in a similar position then your future should remain the same as your city. The moment you became made you should have known better than to seek a better opportunity to save yourself. How can any other city take you serious when you couldn't handle the shit that was thrown at you when it got rough? How can any other city BELIEVE you're loyal when you weren't loyal to the city who not only sheltered you but made you? That goes for both of you speaking trying to comfort each other of the poor decisions you both made. The saddest thing is it was Deans city and when he died his RHM should have stepped up to keep that city together. Instead the right hand put her little tail between her legs & let the city burn. I would be surprised to see anyone trust you with such a position again. Truthfully you both deserve death for the disloyalty to your city but I'm just a wise guy so..."

The Aristocrat had listened to the speech for some time, and it was apparent of the sadness this man had in him. It truly was a sad thing to watch your family die, and he had relatives that had very much done the same. Did he deserve to die with them? Maybe, maybe not. It wasn't up to him to judge, nor anyone else. A man would have to live with their own demons and take that battle head on. He said nothing to the man, instead turning to the newcomer to the conversation. Some young gun who likely just watched their own father die. 

"I would imagine you shouldn't be one to talk about someone else making poor decisions. After all, they're here alive and I can only presume that your family is not. So really, who is really at fault of making a poor decision? Might be wise to just keep your mouth shut."

Wut looks at Aristocrat and chuckles.

Why would I deliver a message from a dead person? They would have nothing more to lose, right? I delivered the message because someone as old and experienced as this person is wise enough to seek anonymity. It's people like you that take this opportunity to try to gain recognition, but your motives are transparent as glass. I think you should follow your own advice and just keep your mouth shut.

LillisMolly weared totally black clothes when he comes by there Blueface sits and sits down and have a small talk.

"It was really a ride we all have together and I thanks all for that but the end surely were a bit odd and still I have it in my mind and it will take long to get it out from there"

He lights up a smoke and sits there and just smoke and thinks about old times together with BlueFace

You presume I care anything about notoriety. The people that know me already is all I require. I don't care enough about your opinion or anyone else's to make a post for the sake of "Getting my name up." You've delivered your message. The dead always have more to lose, and if old and experienced as may be the case, you would already know that. 

Wut is confused by Aristocrat's little rant.

Please educate me on how the dead have more to lose than the living? 

After hearing all the responses, Blueface steps forward once more.

"I guess it brings a small bit of comfort that I am not the only one who is feeling or allegedly pretending to feel things regarding yesterday's turn of events. And to you who is calling me a yellow-bellied ruffian, I have no choice but to concede. I can't really argue with that due to my choice of actions and I can live with people viewing me as a yellow-bellied turncoat as long as they do not actively do anything to interfere with my business because of it. Have a good day," Blueface said as he tipped his hat. 

I remember the day I was Made well. DeanWinchester- said to me, "Avard, if I die in a duel, I want you to defend these hollow bricks of home once I am dead. Even if we aren't in a war. Even if those people who seem to lay a claim on your loyalty don't speak to you or don't ask for your help. Even if they don't tell you what they are doing or who they are fighting. Even if they aren't in this crew anymore, you make sure you start your own outfit. You make sure that you start attacking people and die alongside them. I know I wasn't attacked by anyone and I died in a duel but you should join in any subsequent conflict, without knowing a piece of piss about it, understand?"

Oh, hang on. That isn't what he said, because that would be fucking retarded and you're displaying the comically stupid ideology I referenced earlier. That family wasn't a feudal brotherhood of knights sworn in allegiance to serve each member unto death, it was a fucking mafia crime syndicate trying to get money and power. The mafia is predicated on business and they absorb the useful people left behind when a Don goes to the wall. Head over to your local library and check it out. 

Beau perked up as she paused mid-stride on the street to listen in. There was a lot of banter happening, a lot of opposing opinions, and a lot of good points being shared. Deciding to poke her head in, she lifted a dainty hand as she spoke. 

"For whatever it might be worth, my view on the topic is this: 

One - to each their own.

Two - every situation is different.

Some crews are created with the knowledge - and intention - that taking the oath is for life. If that's the case, then that oath you take is your own choice... no one forces you. And (usually) you know what you're getting into before you get fully into it. Hopefully, and usually, because you desire that level of loyalty in this life. But if you don't go in with that understanding upfront, then you shouldn't owe a blood price that you never agreed to. Especially when you are worth far more to this life and to the legacy of your family alive. 

Yes, when you reach made, it does come with a certain level of loyalty while that family is alive. But exactly how that loyalty is understood makes all the difference. And that is going to vary from crew to crew and situation to situation. 

For example, should my Don die, if I am able to secure sanctuary for the remainder of my people, I will consider and offer them that sanctuary. If, however, my crew should choose to refuse sanctuary, then I will gladly go down with them in defense and solidarity of what it is we have created together. 

Neither option is wrong. Just like neither option is right. In the end, there is only what is right for you in the current situation. 

I will never judge anyone for jumping ship to save themselves when a crew goes down... regardless of how (unless, of course, they rogued. Then you get ALL the judgement). Likewise, I will never judge someone for staying until the bitter end. 

You have to make a choice each and every time to live your best life while it lasts." 

Normally I think that this kind of situation is fairly cut and dried, a made man should do everything possible to avenge their crew leader in whatever way they can, even if it involves giving up their life. This goes doubly for hands. If you succeed in avenging them without dying then you are free to move on with your life, absolved of any guilt, knowing you did everything you could.  

Clearly this situation is a bit different though. Your leader died during a rogue attack and those rogues are now dead, it would be fair to consider him avenged. At the same time you also had some responsibility towards the rest of your family and city.

Realistically, whether you are right to feel guilt or not depends on what exactly happened that day between you and the other members of your city. Did you know what was about to happen and joined another family to avoid it? Or did you not realise until you had already left? Only you can really know whether you fulfilled your duty to your family and city or whether you shirked it to save your own life.

CLO was standing in the crowd listening to all the different speeches and opinions on this matter. He decided to come forward and give his own view and thoughts around this.

Most of us stood together fighting this common enemy, we got it done in the end but sadly we lost many of our own. 

When Dean challenged for the duel, it wasnt an act of war but trying to prevent any further damage being done to his family, City and the wider community.

When he went down trying to fight one of the rogue`s, it doesn`t make sense to me that the same people from Chicago who worked together with most of us, should suddenly become rogues. 

We fought the same enemy, and when the leader of CH dies fighting against them, why should the people switch sides and go after people they were working together with in the first place.

So I understand you, Blueface, plus the other people from Chicago who chose to do the same thing. 

Wut nods his head as he listens to CLO

I understand how you came to your conclusion based on the information before you. Blueface did not disclose all the information he had and what he based his decision on and clearly Wayne didn't disclose that the so called rogues had a valid reason for their suicide mission.... not to mention the city of LV waving a district and taking out many innocents that were also side by side with them. I guess the ship jumpers owe a big thank you to said rouges for disclosing the plan to take out Chicago and taking action. They are the martyrs that saved the lives of many.

We all been at this road and all we can do is moving forward and put this behind us, never look nack always look at the bright side as a fampus song learnt many to do. No matter how dark it seems its always brighter on the other side.

Desiderio idly puffed at his cigar as he listened to the various viewpoints from around the country. This particular issue had always been one that left a sour taste in his mouth. Hearing someone state that there was no other option was enough to make him step forward and toss the cigar end over end towards the gutter. 

"Whereas this particular instance had its own flair with the decision by the late Meekmill and a few others to turn around and start shooting during a rogue outbreak, things seem pretty damned simple to me. Maybe my kin have just been lucky enough to be a part of families that made me view things differently? Becoming a Made Member of a family means a vow to the end of your days. Is it our place to question your leaders? Is it our place to decide that we should nullify that contract if we see fit? 

"No.

"Every one of us signs for life when we are made. If you can't handle your leaderships choices then I guess it's time to pack your bags and hope the best of luck to your next of kin. My journals date back with people that did just that- time and time again. Most of them end shooting back during times of bleak destruction of the ones around them, hoping to avenge their brethren with just one more kill before the bullet comes.

"If someone is willing to just hide out and wait for better pastures when the going gets tough, then I think it shows that this person doesn't have a lot of the qualities needed to lead in this thing of ours. How can any leader ever expect for their people to give them what they aren't willing to give to another?"

With a flip of his hat back to his head, Desiderio made his way back into the crowd and on about his day. 

Ok so like the way I see it... Some rogues went-a-roguing. A CL thought it was smart to duel. The CL died. Some people scattered out of there, and then the rest of the city died for whatever reason in what seemed like a takedown. The people that scattered, though, didn't scatter mid-war... It's pretty obvious they scattered mid... rogue thingy time, after their CL died. I think it's their right to leave at that point.. You know, cause, their leader died and stuff, and they weren't exactly up against other cities or something. They were just against rogues at that time so it's like oh ok Imma be out of here because well this isn't what I signed up for.,. I signed up for my CL, but he's all dead stuff and rotting and it smells so I'm gonna go elsewhere because I need a crew because that's the thing to do here you know, be in a crew. But you know oh no now people are upset because they're dead and I'm not. Oh no. Oh no. Why are they trying to make me feel guilty for living when my CL died because he dueled and we weren't at war or anything we were just getting rogued on and stuff and oh no oh no why the torture why did my CL have to die in a duel oh no he was so alive and then so not and I'm here and alive and he should be happy that I lived because I tried hard for him but he died before me and I was only there for him so if he died why would I stay with his bloated corpse since he can't talk to me anymore and I guess I could move his chin around awkwardly, and start talking for him to myself if I really wanted to but then people might get weirded out and I'll be beat up at school for lunch money and maybe they'll take the body away and I'll have to dress up like my old CL and get a bunch of mirrors in the house and look at myself in their clothing and talk to the mirror all night and laugh and talk about planned vacations to the old country and our memories of growing up drinking juice and eating cookies and playing hop scotch on sunny end of summer days just before school started again that year and the teacher had a wart on his nose and that kid put his booger on his nose and pretended to be the teacher during gym and it was so funny...

Survivor's guilt is if you're at war and like... you're safelisted or you just abandon everyone Whatever happened last night wasn't a war, at least during the period of the roguey stuff. I mean maybe other people left during whatever takedown in Chicago after, of which I draw a blank on, but it seems like the bulk of this is pointing a finger to people who left after Dean died to a duel, which he probably shouldn't have done in the first place... which happens... but playing blame the survivor in this instance is kinda weak.