The Chicago Tribune 

For all the stories far behind the headlines!

Death in Detroit

Buthainah, an alleged associate of JimmyTheLionheart's outfit in Detroit, was apparently shot head - for wanting to leave the life of crime.  Jimmy was reputed to have said at Buthainah's funeral "I'm sad you wanted to leave."

Confusingly, Jimmy then requested any statements that witnesses had concerning someone called "Ron" - "Ron W/S needed."

Our Mob experts believe that this might be some kind of code, but as yet, we are unsure what it might actually mean.

This story is a little thin on details, so to pad it out, we've transferred $300k to Mouldfinger.  Mouldfinger is allegedly a Made Man in Jimmy's Detroit outfit.  Premeir is also a Made Man in that crew, but our sources say that he's extremely rich, as well as extremely well protected, so we decided not to send the money to him.  The $300k figure is significant, in that that's how much the FBN allege that a John Dillinger and his cronies have amassed through their bank robberies.

Your accountant makes note that $300,000 has been wired to MouldFinger from your account. The note "From the Chicago Tribune" was included.

This ends our story from Detroit.

Living la Vida Loca in Los Angeles

Scarcheek, a dirt poor, low ranking associate of Victor_Lucchese was buried recently.  The cause of death was a gunshot wound to the head, suggesting a mob style execution.  But debate rages over what he did he deserve such a name.  Was it that he attempted to copy the nickname of alleged mob supreme Al "Scarface" Capone?  We are aren't sure.  One thing is for sure though, and that's that reputed LA mob moss Victor_Lucchese was mightily upset.  He was heard to mutter the following at Scarcheek's graveside: "Scarcheek you did the unthinkable and it cost you you’re life. It is a lesson learned the hard way I pray your children hopefully will not make for some mistake. May your seed find work and restore your name bringing some honor to your bloodline."

Reports vary about what happened next - some said that people cried.  Others said that nobody was there, and that Victor was the only guest at the funeral.  But how would they know?  And what was the "unthinkable" thing that Scarcheek did?

We don't know, but we want to find out.  We want to know so badly that we are going to give about $105k to someone random from LA: 

Your accountant makes note that $105,000 has been wired to NoLandsMan from your account. The note "From the Chicago Tribune" was included.

NoLandsMan, we hope that you can help us, but please understand that you are literally the first person from LA that we could see to give the money to.  Enjoy it.

NEW FEATURE - ABSURDLY NICKNAMED MOBSTERS!

In this issue, we feature mobsters who have really absurd nicknames.  NoLandsMan was briefly considered, as was DeadDick_Willie, we the unanimously chosen winner this week is TurkeyAndSwissOnRye.  TASOR, as we have named him for brevity's sake, is quite a serious man, and we at the Chicago Tribune, are a bit nervous about describing him as absurd.  To try to curry favour with him, we are going to distract him by sending him some cash (see below) and also publishing a written note from a fellow absurdly named mobster who we have also sent some cash (see below also).  Hopefully, this will be accepted as the bit of fun that it is, and nobody will get shot.  

Your accountant makes note that $73,000 has been wired to TurkeyAndSwissOnRye from your account. The note "From the Chicago Tribune" was included.

And

"Sounds good. But why i deserve this .... generosity?
We dont like reporters you know that right?"

COMPETITION!  WIN A CASH PRIZE FOR GUESSING WHO WROTE THE MESSAGE ABOVE!  SEND ME A TELEGRAM WITH YOUR GUESS AND $500K - IF YOU GUESS RIGHT, YOU WIN A CASH PRIZE!!!

NEW FEATURE - UNPOPULAR PIECES OF WRITING THAT IS WORTH A SECOND LOOK.  OR A FIRST LOOK

Again, tearing up the traditional ways to writing newspapers, the CHICAGO TRIBUNE is going to suggest other places to read good copy.

Hawkeyes history. - A short, punchy piece, apparently about a man so good at his job that he's forced at gunpoint to do it.  We don't find out much more.  Perhaps Hawkeye_Pierce could do a follow-up?  Still, he made $40k, so it's not all bad at all for him. We struggled to make a million last time, with almost a hundred readers.  Hawkeye had fewer than five.

Have We Changed? A Discussion About Storytellers.  This piece, by Harlow, is a weighty, and intellectual piece of writing, about, ironically, writing.  People spoke and wrote about it at length.  This, the Tribune feels, is the type of market that we should be tapping into, but we seem trapped in an endless cycle of writing about obscure deaths and scarcely noticed Street speeches.  And that's a shame, because Harlow made some serious coin off of the back of this.  Over $11M, and counting, for a piece of writing that attracted just 30% more readers than the last issue of the Tribune.  Does that strike you as fair?  To even things up a little, I'm going to send my boss, Brutus, a long overdue million dollars:

Your accountant makes note that $500,000 has been wired to Brutus from your account. The note "From the Chicago Tribune" was included.

Looking for a Fight. This piece of writing by Nazar, a frequent critic of the Tribune, made him ZERO money, and nobody talked about it.  Hardly anyone actually read it.  Not as easy as it looks, Nazar, is it?  No money will be wired to you, this time, but we thank you for the critique that you will undoubtedly send.

Las Vegas Press Syndicate: Week #1 by AlessandraKorkunova.  This is a sterling first effort at writing a newspaper, and we are impressed.  We like to think the Tribune has the investigative journalism market stitched up, but this is a welcome, popular, populist kinda newsheet that there is always room for.  But almost EIGHT FUCKING MILLION coming in on the first week?  Like, really?  This is depressing.  

CLOSING STATEMENT FROM THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE

Well, that's it for issue III.  We understand, for the second week running, we've failed to provide an interview with Wayne, as well as the Obit for Louis, but we will try to get them for next issue.  As you can see, we have invested a lot of time and money into this newspaper, giving away substantial sums of money to random people, just for you to read about it.  We pay tribute to the late Melvin, whose newspapers were and are an inspiration for us.

Can YOU take a little time to inspire us?  We look forward to hearing from you.

The Chicago Tribune - CLASSIFIEDS

My name is Levey_Posner, and I have a business in  Chicago.  A lot of my guys are newly rich, and are looking for bespoke suits and art works.. So I thought to myself, why not just run a competition for it? Instead of having the same folks throwing up suits, many of them only doing it if asked. Why not create some incentive to bring a bunch of artists together and see what could happen? So here's the deal, I am going to give you a list of members in Chicago in just a moment who are looking for suits and crests and things like that. Hell even just a new display to their own home. Reach out to these folks, ask them what they might like. Multiple people can work on the same suit, or crest, or one person on the suit and the other on the crest, doesn't matter. Now, what incentives are we getting out of this?

• Every artist that creates something commissioned by one of these folks will get $500,000. Now I want to be clear about what a commission means. It means that you reached out, you spoke to this person, you BOTH settled on something they wanted, and you gave it a good ole college try. If one of them only wants a squiggly blue line, then so be it. You made it for them? Awesome, here's 500k.
• Every artists that has a piece CHOSEN TO DISPLAY by someone in Chicago, the artist will receive $1,000,000. This is easy, do they put it on their profile in some way? Then you get a million, simple as that.
• The top three artist (artists that create the most, and have the most art displayed) will split $10,000,000.

Now, here's the list of folks that are looking to get some art done. Some of them might want a suit, others might want a crest, still others might only want a profile beautification. Reach out to them before you start work! Keep in mind, this list will be updated and once everyone is ticked off the list ONLY then will the top three artists be give their prizes, so if there's still someone out there waiting, you'll be waiting too!

Levey_Posner - Profile Makeover

Catalina_Rey - Suit - Sponsor Crest

Daniel_Fitzgerald - Suit

Orchid - Sponsor Crest

So far, that's it, but that list will grow and I'm sure the art will too! Of course, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, feel free to reach out to me directly.

Good luck, and thank you to all you special people and your hard work.

Pheolix walks past a dark alleyway and hears a slight mutter coming from shadows. Intrigued, Pheolix steps into the alleyway and with every step the sounds become more clear. 

The Chicago Tribune - Issue III is now out! 

Pheolix looks at the Dark shady figure selling the paper, it wasn't until he could smell the bourbon coming off the figure that he realised it was Julius. 

Brother, you were once one of the most popular street vendors, what happened to you? 

Taking a drink from his bourbon, Julius sets down the bottle on his stand and sighed.

I should of never started selling this paper Pheolix. From day one of the release of the first issue, I have copped abuse, my stand was vandalised and broken into, it is not just me. There has been so many other vendors that are reporting the same thing. BUT it has came into good use though, since I have no money, this paper makes some really good toilet paper. It is surprisingly soft. 

Pheolix reaches into the pocket to pull out his wallet and takes out a wad of cash.

How much for all of the Chicago Tribune Issues? 

Julius rummages through his stand and grabs all the paper.

TAKE IT ALL! PLEASE! NO CHARGE! FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THE VENDORS!! 

Pheolix drops his wad of cash and picks up all the newspaper

Here take this, you need it more than me. All this newspaper will save me money on toilet paper as well! Thanks for the advice. 

Pheonix walks out of the alleyway and heads home to restock the laundry.

To the Author of The Chicago Tribune... Please stop, you are ruining the reputation of hard working vendors!!! Seek out a different profession.

Link tips MrLouisT and his Chicago Tribune. He nods to the gentleman.

I will give credit where it is due. I will say this one was a much better read then the last. Definitely something different to how others present information, but to each their own. I hope to see the Chicago Tribune get more creative each new issue man. 

Pheolix, how many newspapers have you written?

I have a solid and loyal readership.  What do you have, in terms of newspaper readers?

@MrLoiusT, you asked my father the same thing, You really have to stop with that comeback, I am getting 2nd hand embarrassment from you. 

did he avoid the question as well, Pheolix?

MrLouisT I like to do things that I am actually good at, So should you! You don't have to write a newspaper to be able to know what a good newspaper is, I know how to read ;)

Oh kid, sit down. Please.  

Also MrLouisT it is your lucky day! I am feeling a bit kind today, feel free to send some cash my way. Who knows I might become a "happy content reader." I will accept $2,000,000, no more, no less. I am sure, that ain't hard for you!  What is one more reader to buy? 

Thank you Sir!