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| THE INFORMER, Volume 1 Issue 1 | Started by: Caitlin_McConnell on Feb 10, '08 23:45 |
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THE INFORMER The only periodical by the people, FOR THE PEOPLE. Contents An Introduction to The Informer WAR Tribune Tribulations? Blatant &%#*@# Disrespect Award Season Hits the Six Cities The Sports Report Aunt Madge's Bleeding Heart MafiAstrology Name Scrambles An Introduction to The Informer The Informer hits the streets today in an attempt to bring a bit more competition to our society's media market. If you are interested in being part of The Informer's staff, we'd love to have you, but bear in mind our principles: We believe in a FREE PRESS. For us this means so many things, but first and foremost that information should be available to all, and that it is the media's duty to bring you the news that people want to read. To a lesser extent, it also means we're too cheap to pay for stories. We believe in COMPETITION. We know you have a choice in your media outlet, and we will strive to bring you a periodical that time and time again you'll turn to, to get all the headlines that mean something to you. We believe in YOU. That's right. We exist for your enjoyment, and we exist to be your source of information. Without you, the Informer has no one to inform. We here at The Informer sincerely hope you enjoy our first issue and come back for seconds. And if you want to be a part of the media revolution, our office doors are open. Sincerely, Caitlin_McConnell WAR by Orwell Airline records show that three members of the Red Fez Connection mob flew into Chicago at dawn on February 8th. This in itself was not a remarkable event. Moments later, however, three of Don Axe's Consiglieres were dead. The lives of FlyingWig, State Street hitter; Jordan, love of Johnny Axe's life; and Keats, Right Hand man and close compadre of the Don were all felled by the fearsome weapons of Don Parks, A1Capon3 and Luki. The usurpers from Philadelphia swiftly hit the mattresses, hiding from their foes; but not before Luki and A1Capon3 and exerted their strength and purchased HQ's, becoming recognised Leaders in the windy city. This would prove to be a defining factor in the war that was to come. And war it was; no one in the six cities could dispute that fact given the Leader status of the two R.F.C connection hitters and the news of the three State Street higher ups hitting the obituaries. Though after the initial bloodshed a period of stillness descended upon Chicago, and the six cities held their breath, knowing it was the calm before the storm. The second wave of death arrived with precision; A1 burst into Southsider's room exactly an hour after the previous deaths and shot the sleeping man in the groin, causing him to bleed to death from the femoral artery. On the other side of the city, Cathy Parks shot Krash in his sleep. Interestingly enough, Cathy Parks was shot by one of her own on exiting the apartment of Krash, though reports of what happened exactly are still unclear to the general public. Some claim her killer was aiming for a pursuing bodyguard of Krash and thus protecting Miss Parks, while others say it was intentional. Regardless, Cathy_Parks died, and whilst this was a huge blow to the RFC, the damage to the Chicago mob was devastating, the warring parties having left their hitsquad severely depleted. The next few hours passed as most wars do, except for Luki's brief meeting with Jethro which was...unusual to say the least. More high rankers dropped from JohnnyAxe's family and he fought back with admirable ferocity, though many thought he was fighting a losing battle after the loss of his most effective enforcers. However, Don Axe's Captains Belle and Nicolea were still fighting alongside him, and what they lacked in ruthlessness in delivering the bullet, they made up for in sheer loyalty and financial support, allowing JohnnyAxe the wherewithal to hire additional bodyguards as they were shot around him. Sadly, this bought him time and nothing else. The death of Belle was a severe blow to Johnny's war machine, depriving him of sorely needed funds he was unable to replace his bodyguards, and at shortly past six pm on February 8, JohnnyAxe took his last breath. By the time the tensions in all cities had lessened, several leaders and their followers had perished. In addition to JohnnyAxe, Nicolea, Belle and Cathy_Parks, Luki was also found among the deceased. Funeral services were held for all the departed immediately following their deaths. Tribune Tribulations? by The_Drunk After the latest issue of The Tribune, the streets were ablaze with discussion of the paper, mostly with negative reviews of the staff, primarily editor RileyFreeman. Though Orwell began the discussion, one particularly vocal and repeated protester stood out from the rest, attacking the paper's integrity, professionalism and regularity. The_Drunk sat down to have an interview with the outspoken reader, Tarana. The_Drunk: Even if an article is short as, like you said, 4 lines, can't the quality of the article make up for it? Tarana: If it's a quality article, sure. If it's just fucking "Hai guyz! I is starting a advice column! Plz mail me!" then that shit doesn't belong in a fucking newspaper. Put a poster up on the streets for that shit. The_Drunk: If reporters are meant to report, unbaised, how else are they supposed to do that without direct quotes from the streets concerning the subject? Tarana: Direct quotes are one thing. Copy and pasting a whole fucking poster and passing it off as "news" is horribly fucking lazy and unprofessional. It'd be like if I copied this interview from the paper and made a poster with it. The_Drunk: Fair enough, you seem concerned with the morale of the newspaper staff, what problems do you think are there? Tarana: I think they don't give a shit about the people they're supposed to be writing the news for. I think they're horribly judgmental and elitist. If you're on the newspaper staff, you have to put your personal feelings aside and simply report the news. That's it. That's the end of what you are allowed to do. The_Drunk: It has been said you have certain... beliefs about the rate at which the newspaper is published, do you believe this is something other than efficiency? Tarana: It's like I said earlier. If you're going to take a long ass time to publish, then it better damn well be worth reading. The last edition was a piece of garbage and it's insulting to the people who actually give a damn about the paper, who helped build the damn paper, to see that trash. Tarana: If you're going to put out pieces of crap, at least put them out regularly. The_Drunk: That is certainly clear. You also believe Freeman should be fired, what sort of reasons do you believe would be given for this? Tarana: His lack of any sort of reliable production schedule for the paper, the fact that the paper has turned into a complete pile of trash, his complete and utter unprofessionalism in our disagreement... He's a joke. A complete and utter joke. The_Drunk: On the subject, do you beleive he is being pampered for the quality of said work? Tarana: Hell yes. Any other job his ass would be on the streets by now. But because he's part of the New Boy's Club, he can slack off and nothing will happen. It's fucking pathetic. The_Drunk: Do you pin these happenings on the entire reporting staff or at Freeman himself? Tarana: It starts at the top. I don't know the rest of the staff, but they seem like your typical bootlickers so while most of the blame goes to Freeman, some of it has to cover the rest of the staff too. The_Drunk: Well said. Do you believe the ego of the aforementioned staff plays a factor in all of this? Tarana: Oh dear god yes. The_Drunk: Expand? Tarana: I think they're all dancing around singing the "We're staff, we're staff" song and enjoying the perks while not doing a damn bit of work and getting pissed at the community for not doing their work for them. Tarana: It's fucking bullshit Tarana: You want the job, you do the work The_Drunk: Alright, you've stated on a certain poster that you would help them if they would take it, they refused? And what help was offered? Tarana: I gave them some advice on how to make a better paper. 1. Unbiased reporting. 2. Articles that are longer than [edited]. 3. Original articles, not simply things that have been copied from the streets with 3 lines of "commentary". 4. Less jokes, more substance. The_Drunk: And what was the response? Tarana: So far it's just been "GOD GIVE US ADVICE AND WE'LL LISTEN TO IT" and when I point out I DID, nothing. At all. The_Drunk: And finally, do you think the entire situation will repeat at the time of a new paper? Tarana: If it's just a big a piece of shit as this one was, it's inevitable. Tarana: If, however, they learn from this and make a BETTER paper, no. Tarana: But I don't think they will. Blatant F%&$ing Disrespect By Janey Fox That's right, you heard me. I'll be dead honest and admit that it saddens me that it took such a forceful and vulgar topic for you lot to even pay attention to what I am saying. Disrespect; it is everywhere these days. Reckless, disgusting words are being thrown about carelessly; verbal abuse without due cause is launched in the form of attack to anyone who dares try to pass a point across in the Streets. The worst thing is that it has seemingly become the status quo for a majority of the population. That, dear readers, is entirely laughable considering the staples our entire world is built off of: honor and respect. Yet it continues: gets worse by the day and harsher by the minute. Now, I know that none of us are blameless; I myself have engaged in heated verbal battle on occasion. Yet there is a line that often does get crossed, and it is there that my issue lies. On my daily walk this afternoon I was witness to such an event of horrific proportions it made my jaw drop. A man had come to the streets to gather opinions on the underground paper we all know and, well, partially love "The Mafia Tribune". Instead of taking into account what he was doing, I saw the Editor and his staff of reporters take this man to the cleaners verbally. Honestly; a group of people who know nothing about our way of life came to the streets and went against everything we believe in. We fund their paper by purchasing it, we keep them in business by reading it, and they had the sheer nerve to stop by a street corner and hurl insults back and forth with some of our esteemed business men. They interrupted our flow; they intruded upon our way of life. The best part is, they assume we will most likely continue to read their printed word. We need to ask ourselves if we will continue to support a group of people. Their sole existence is to send us news that we Mafiosi need to know; yet they will turn around and pollute our way of life, demand it is our fault they have a sub-standard issue. I believe Miss McConnell is doing a noble thing in producing this paper for the Mafia by the Mafia. It is time to let the reporters and editors go. Riley, please consider this my official resignation. With respect, Janey Awards Season Hits The Six Cities by Caitlin_McConnell With the MRAG Awards now completed and the Swine Awards in nominations phase, it seems that the awards season has hit the six cities at last. On Friday, presenter and MRAG Award creator Caitlin_McConnel announced the winners of the first MRAG competition, but it was not simply a one evening affair. During the nominations phase, citizens of all the cities and from all backgrounds submitted their selections to the MRAG nomination committee. Once the deadline had passed, voting began for all nominated parties. Dozens of people took advantage of the opportunity and cast their vote, including nearly the entire leader's council and many other high profile members of our community. When it was all said and done, the winners were announced. The winners from the first MRAG Awards were: Best Crewleader: Tie between Cathy_Parks & Oliver_McTavish Best Right Hand: ElainaDeLuca Best Family Member in a Support Role: Jordan Best Entrepreneur: Cathy_Parks Best Street Speaker: RonMexico Most Accomplished Hitman: Wacktard Most Memorable Rogue: Oliver_McTavish Mr. Mafia: Sal_Giaquinto Ms. Mafia: Tie between Cathy_Parks & NikkiPhoenix Most Feared Deity: Squishy Most Adored Deity: VendettaJames But awards season isn't over yet. Just after the announcement of award winners, FlyingPig announced another ceremony entitled the Swine Awards. As per his press release, some of the categories of the Swine Awards are the same as the MRAG Awards, but the criteria for nominations is a bit more intensive and restricted. Why another awards ceremony? In his own words at his conference, FlyingPig stated "There have been many criticisms and complaints of those awards, which is why I have decided to conduct my own awards presentation. Before I go any further, let's just clear up that situation. Those awards were based on public opinion. Public opinion is not right or wrong, it just...is. With that in mind, for the First Annual Swine Awards, I have decided to introduce some safeguards to make the process more objective." The nomination process requires more than just a name write in. In fact, it requires a detailed explanation why the individual is nominated. FlyingPig will then review the nomination and determine if the person is a valid candidate. "You should provide real support for your nominations," Mr. Pig said to potential nominators. "I don't want people nominating their friends just to give them publicity." When asked about the current state of nominations, FlyingPig had the following to say: "Very few are offering nominations for each category, although a few have done so. The most popular category seems to be "Asshat of the Year". I'm not really sure why. Perhaps it's that bit of disdain for our fellow man that we all have lurking somewhere within us. There are two individuals vying for the title, each with multiple nominations." It will be interesting to see the nominees and the outcome of the final vote. Looking for advice on how to properly nominate your candidate of choice? "Those who have an easy time explaining the qualifications of their nominee are most likely nominating someone who is truly deserving," Mr. Pig states. "[W]hile others will nominate someone and have a very difficult time explaining why their nominee is deserving. In one case, a nomination for a "Best Crewleader" was followed by a long paragraph describing that CL's personality, but didn't say a thing about what that CL had accomplished or even sought to accomplish. Those types of nominations will receive few points in the eventual decision-making." There is no rush to get nominations in, though submitting early does have its benefits. Mr. Pig says, "I did not set a cut-off date for accepting nominations. I will continue to accept them until I achieve enough diversity among the pool of nominations to make a decent final decision." From The Informer, congratulations to the MRAG award nominees and winners, and good luck to all the potential candidates for the Swine Awards. Stay tuned to The Informer for all your red carpet event coverage. The Sports Report By: James_Stewart Battle of the Border The NY Rangers faced off against the Montreal Canadians in Montreal It was a tight one that had a scoreless 3rd period. The Canadians were the first to score with a nice goal by Armand Mondou assisted by Pit Lepine and Wildor Larochelle at 3:34 in the 1st. It stayed that way till Bill Cook assisted by Bun Cook and Frank Boucher was able to score at 12:42 in the 1st. Nearly three minutes later assisted by Bill and Bun Cook, Frank Boucher was able to knock one in to put the Rangers up by one. Penalties didn't play much of a factor in this face off as only six were enforced four against the Rangers and two on the Canadiens. The last point of the 1st period was scored on a powerplay by Armand Mondou who shoots and scores on the rebound assisted by Pit Lepine. The 2nd period was a tight one till 16:26 into the period and the Canadiens pulled away scoring then and again at 17:25 both by Wildor Larochelle making the score six to four. It was pretty much over from there as the Rangers couldn't find the net against George Hainsworth who was shot at 32 times and only allowed 4 goals. Ranger goalie John Ross Roach played exceptionally well however being shot at 51 times. So the Canadiens win the battle of the border in a nice game that could have gone either way tonight. Aunt Madge's Bleeding Heart by Aunt Madge Dear Aunt Madge, I'm an avid reader, but when I read the Tribune, it burns my eyes. I've switched to bifocals, coke bottle glasses, and even resorted to stabbing myself in the eyes with the hood ornament to a 1931 Chrysler Lebaron Dual Cowl Phaeton. Nothing helps. What can I do? Sincerely, W.T.Fuchs Dear Sir/Madam/Emo, I wish I could find a way to be gentle about this unfortunately I cannot. I too was an avid reader of The Tribune. It hurts me to the depths of my heart to see something that was once so valued.. So loved... So good... Turn into a textual cesspool of putrid fluffy stories about who's holding who's fucking hand in which alleyway. It's turned into a "good ol' boys" club where they only way they can get stories is to beg their friends. When was the last motherfucking time the Tribune told BOTH sides of the story? Shit, I remember a time when Riley Freeman was questioned about this in the Streets and magically records of the question disappeared. It's like they were swept away. Oh sure, the little twat will defend himself saying that it's because no one will write for him. DUH!! Why would ANYONE that isn't a pal WANT to write for that rag? Oh wait, this was about you stabbing yourself in the eyes with a hood ornament wasn't it? I apologize for my outburst. My advice to you: First, take every copy of the Tribune you have and donate it to the local animal shelter for lining the cages. Then take every Riley Freeman notes you find laying around and use them to line your litter box. Then, this is the ULTIMATE cure for your problems... Read The Informer for all your Mafia news needs. We promise to bring you entertainment while telling it like it is. With Love, Aunt Madge ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dar Aunt Madge, Why does it burn when I pee? Sincerely, Ohmy Fuchinggawd. Dear OMFG, Do you have a copy of the Tribune in your bathroom? If so I would suggest it burns because you have been using toilet paper to dry yourself. I suggest using pages from the Mafia Tribune to dab away that last drop. Why else would you have it in your bathroom? With Love, Aunt Madge MafiAstrology by Caitlin_McConnell The Grifter (For those born on the 1st through the 5th day of the month) An unexpected influx in capital seems to be a blessing but will cost you more than its worth this week. Let sleeping dogs (and wallets) lie. The Shylock (For those born on the 6th through the 10th day of the month) Those who don cement shoes should not take leisurely strolls along the river. Lay low this week and allow the heat to pass. The Babbo (For those born on the 11th through the 15th day of the month) An old associate will become a very valuable ally this week. Don't brush off your long lost friend. His advice will come in handy. The Comare (For those born on the 16th through the 20th day of the month) This is your week to get that promotion. The boss has been eyeing you, and its time to shine. Walk the line this week and it may just pay off. The Meat Eater (For those born on the 21st through the 25th day of the month) There's no getting around it: You've pissed off the wrong people. But confrontation this week can be avoided with a sharp eye and a silver tongue. The Turk (For those born on the 25th through the end of the month) Helping Gramma cross the street is for the birds, they say. But not you. Your helpfulness will pay off in the form of a very wealthy mark. Name Scrambles By "Ana Gramma" Unscramble the following letters to reveal the name of a fellow mafioso. 1. ntbisaes 2. _aeefiaaklnprsak 3. feanfirorgrsnyfku 4. loncemolli 5. arenecgi Thank You From The Informer Staff We'd like to thank you all for taking the time to read our publication. We hope to continue to be your news outlet of choice for the weeks to come. |
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Lost Priest looks at the paper with a reluctant glance As he reads further on his jaw drops A paper... that doesn't suck and in fact is great... Lost Priest throws his flask away Well wont need that to get threw the news anymore. Great Job! |
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| Reply by: LostPriest at Feb 11, '08 00:05 | |
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1. Basisten 2. Serafina_Pekkala 3. FrankyFourFingers 4. Limoncello 5. Carnegie What do I win??? |
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| Reply by: SpiderPig at Feb 11, '08 00:06 | |
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You win a healthy dose of self-satisfaction that you are, indeed, an anagram master. ...That should be enough, you know. Angel smiles sweetly at the Spider...Pig...Man. |
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| Reply by: Angel at Feb 11, '08 00:08 | |
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As Spike makes his way down the street a blunt object strikes his head. Glancing down he picks up the flask that so wronged him. Whats going on then, that such alcohol abuse is taken place? With that he takes a swig from the flask, and walks over to grab a paper. Hmmm, a mighty fine read so far... they are hiring too. With that Spike walks off enjoying The Informer and his newly found flask. |
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| Reply by: Spike at Feb 11, '08 00:09 | |
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Carnegie finally closes the newspaper and rises from the park bench. He looks at his watch. Jesus, is that the time? I completely lost track of the time. A thoroughly engrossing read, Caitlin. Mighty fine job. Carnegie bins the used newspaper and walks off. |
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| Reply by: Carnegie at Feb 11, '08 01:19 | |
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She watches as Carnegie tosses his paper into the trash and runs up to grab it. Sitting down underneath a tree she begins to read the headlines... Her eyes darting over the page, a smile curving to her lips. A thoroughly fantabulous read! I am so proud to see something of this caliber hit our Streets! News for the people, by the people, brought to the people. Fantastic job by all of those that have helped bring this beacon of hope to our world. She pats Caitlin on the back and smiles.. You rocketh my world my dear. Truly.. Inspiring. She winks at Caitlin before placing the paper on a park bench for someone else to pick up and read. |
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| Reply by: Serafina_Pekkala at Feb 11, '08 01:24 | |
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Marry me, Caitlin. <3 |
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| Reply by: Tarana at Feb 11, '08 01:25 | |
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Content with the satisfaction of being the smartest thing in a two-block radius, SpiderPig smiles back at Angel, and winks. My opinion? A damn fine piece of work. I think tonight is the start of something big. Best of luck to you, madam. |
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| Reply by: SpiderPig at Feb 11, '08 01:50 | |
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Good read. This staff should take over The Tribune. |
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| Reply by: Derange at Feb 11, '08 02:46 | |
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Always nice to have something worthwhile to read. Although, I wasn't all that delighted with the continued Tribune bashing, as justified as it may be. On a side note, should you be seeking any financial support in regards to your competitions, Chicago would be happy to assist any fine publication. Great work. |
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| Reply by: a1capon3 at Feb 11, '08 08:48 | |
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A pretty decent read. It's no Philly Sun but well, one can't expect miracles in a week. New York will also steal a1capon3's money for competitions...I mean donate generously. |
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| Reply by: PrinceofCheese at Feb 11, '08 09:01 | |
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Well done for quite possibly interviewing the biggest halfwitted shitspeaking kid we have in Tarana. Smart choice. Let's throw more fuel on the fire instead of trying to help out. Let's give this immature prick more infamy and more places to spread his pathetic insults and general bullshit. You don't deserve to write a paper for such a stupid move. The Papers used to just report the news, not let the kiddies have their pedestal to shout out their drivel. Bra-fucking-vo. |
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| Reply by: TeQalicious at Feb 11, '08 09:10 | |
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| I often wonder what the old world was like through your eyes, TeQalicious. | |
| Reply by: a1capon3 at Feb 11, '08 09:11 | |
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May I also note, Tarana is currently keeping all the money for his own grubby little dealings, he is choosing not to join a family and making money on their turf. This paper also supports rogue members by giving them somewhere to make themselves heard? Nice. Good start so far. |
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| Reply by: TeQalicious at Feb 11, '08 09:12 | |
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| I lived in a world where the paper didn't print garbage where almost every second word was a curse word. | |
| Reply by: TeQalicious at Feb 11, '08 09:13 | |
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She sips her coffee and smiles, reading The Informer. Excellent read, I am eagerly looking forward to the next addition. Keep up the good work guys. |
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| Reply by: Heather_Corleone at Feb 11, '08 09:56 | |
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Finishes reading The Informer Hmm that was a quality read, Keep up the good work. I look forward to issue 2 |
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| Reply by: BruceCarrol at Feb 11, '08 10:38 | |
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Finnegan finished reading the newspaper and folded it under an an arm. I'm not sure if my opinion matters as I'm just a gangster, but I found this to be a much more informative read than the Mafia Tribune. It's good to have some recap of recent events for those of us that are new to these cities and criminal organisations, and I think this has succeeded. It is especially good to hear a more detailed account of the war I keep hearing about. Thank you for working hard to create and publish this. I hope you will continue to. |
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| Reply by: Carr_Finnegan at Feb 11, '08 10:44 | |
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| It sounds like this paper is a little biased towards Riley eh? Just from what I've read though. | |
| Reply by: Atonement at Feb 11, '08 10:57 | |
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