Princess rolled the pill around in her hand, considering what she was about to go through. The stakes were high, but so very worth it. She popped the nerve pill into her mouth and took a swig of rum to chase it. She needed the liquid courage. The whole world was about to see her in a different light. She cleared her throat as she stepped forward, her voice more strained than usual. She knew what she had to do. Princess glanced over at StephaniePlum, nodding in reassurance as she began to speak.

"Hello all, I have come forward today to speak the gospel of Viktor. Many of you know him as the Big Bully of Philly, but in realty, he is much more than that. He is my hus..husband. We had a romantic courthouse wedding beside the local homeless shelter. We exchanged Cracker Jack fashion rings, and I got to kiss him on the side of his mouth that didn't have drool or a cigarette hanging out of it. I am such a lucky woman. I took the last name of Don DickFuck for tax purposes and to be able to keep the Russian here in this great country. Even though we have a green card marriage, it is still sealed...with love, I guess? I mean, when he says he's going to the store to get smokes and lottery tickets, he always comes back. So...that's something I guess."

She sighed heavily, trying to gather her thoughts. She looked over at lOOPercentThatWitch and StephaniePlum for encouragement to keep going. This was surely one of that toughest speeches she had made and Princess was known for her motor mouth. She took their hands into hers to gain the strength to go on.

"Viktor is a man of great talents and great features. He is very blunt and forward. He saves me money on razors because he doesn't have to shave much. He's got the best DSLs this side of the Mississippi, but most of all, DAT ASS THO! With that being said, please see his new suit to confirm such things. Thank you all for listening to this speech filled with love and admiration." 

Stephanie sighed deeply as she prepared herself. The stakes had been set and they were high, but worth the gold that Princess had created. She wasn't ready for this, but a deal had been struck and she'd willingly participated. Princess was damned good at talking her into bad ideas. 

Saying a quick prayer for the imminent death of her reputation, she cleared her throat and stepped into the spotlight beside Princess and lOOPercentThatWitch. Allowing royalty to speak first, Stephanie almost lost it at the mention of the razors. She quickly covered her mouth, stifling her giggles and attempting to support her dear friend. After all, she was the one married to him.

After Princess was finished speaking, she accepted her fate.

"What can I say about Viktor?" Stephanie began, and then immediately stalled. She probably should have put more effort into her preparation, or at least not have smoked so much before starting. Scrambling to cast Viktor in a good light, she continued. "He's just... such an awesome guy."

Stephanie attempted to keep a straight face as the snickers arose among the crowd. "Honestly though, if you haven't seen his spit bubbles, you don't know what you're missing out on. I'd give it a solid ten out of ten, guaranteed to make the ladies melt. But most importantly, those twerking skills. Legendary."

She squeezed Princess' hand for strength. "Hell, yesterday I even saw him walk an old lady across the street. He is a true hero of our generation. I just love him so... so much." Her grip tightened. "I'm just... so proud to call him my crew leader. There's nothing better than waking up and watching Viktor twerk his way around the headquarters. I am clearly a lucky, lucky lady to spend time in the presence of such a legend."

Her nose wrinkled as she finished, but she managed what was hopefully a convincing smile. 

Sabrina had just flow in from...out of town. She had been out of time for awhile. Basically her whole life. The witchy witch watched and listen to her friends share their part of the bargain. Things had definitely seemed to had gotten rough there for a little while. A real fake real real fake fake wedding happened? Confusion.

There are some things she wanted to point out but could obviously do this only in her head as if she did them out side of her head it would come across as rude, or simply out of character for such an upstanding citizen. (Sabrina sacrifices her boyfriends, this is what sarcasm looks like). Sabrina laughed and Salem meowed which probably meant like "oh man" "wow" "i'm hungry" "feed me" and even some times "wow, this bitch is crazy". But also as much as that's probably true, Sabrina doesn't speak cat. All the time. Any of the time? Always. Maybe. 

So, she'd do a review in her head. The highlights for Princess's praise of Victor:

Fuck it.

Sabrina threw the script she had had Salem write up to present to the gathering audience. She honestly couldn't stomach writing actual words permanently on paper about the man. But now that she was here and now she didn't need the cards. The teenage witch separated herself from the crowd and stepped up onto the milk crate soap box.

Ladies and Gentleman!

Sabrina address the crowd. Obviously the man of the hours new...tattoo was really gathering attention.  She beamed a smile to everyone. 

I thank you all for coming, to hear us sing a happy song about our favorite person, our favorite Russian dude, that guy over there, Viktor. 

Honestly, Sabrina didn't know who was or wasn't a Russian these days.

Praise Viktor fest! Half of all proceeds will go to the Dick Sucking School for Lips (and for kids who can't read good). Where even your thinned lipped boy will learn how to suck a dick. 

Sabrina clapped with the crowed. 

Viktor truely is our times truest humanitarian. How many young men he will help. How much self esteem he will build in those boys. 

She took a pause, raising her hand palm to her heart and made a silent prayer to Satan. 

You'll have to pardon me, but Viktor's selfless acts really do rile me up. Grrr

Salem's eyes rolled so hard.

But before I really get into my true and honest and good opinions of Viktor that may cause panties to be changed, I must highlight some of my favorite parts from Princess and StephaniePlum. 

Princess:

"Even though we have a green card marriage, it is still sealed...with love, I guess? I mean, when he says he's going to the store to get smokes and lottery tickets, he always comes back. So...that's something I guess."

If I'm being honest here, brought me to tears. 

"He's got the best DSLs this side of the Mississippi, but most of all, DAT ASS THO!"

True love right here folks. I am now a true believer.

StephaniePlum: 

"He's just... such an awesome guy."

I really felt the strength behind this. I will hold it in my heart forever. 

"I'd give it a solid ten out of ten, guaranteed to make the ladies melt."

"I'm just... so proud to call him my crew leader. There's nothing better than waking up and watching Viktor twerk his way around the headquarters. I am clearly a lucky, lucky lady to spend time in the presence of such a legend."

There you have it folks, a wonderful recap of what we've just heard. You are welcome. 

Sabrina smiled.

I'll continue where the beautiful and always has fantastic hair, Princess and forever darling and sexy StephaniePlum left off.

LEGEND

Literally. 

Viktor is the pumpkin spice of Fall. The Santa Clause of Winter. The Eepster Bunny of Spring. And all the sunshine and good vibes of Summer. Viktor is loved year long because he is amazing. Viktor is craved for and obsessed over. Viktor is the total package. I'll give you a bunch of my words about it, but first some random woman I met at the...coffee shop. They will surely convince you!

"Viktor always smells good."

- Godfather Comrade Mikhail

"Viktor gives out turkeys to the whole neighborhood every Thanksgiving."

- MelanieThomas, RHW of Viktor

"we went fishing one time"

- Consigliere Xanxus

"Yeah, that guy"

-Donna_Angel 

"He was ready. I mean, he was always on time."

- Consigliere DickReady

 "We exchanged Cracker Jack fashion rings"

- Consigliere Princess

"Viktor is a great cowboy"

- Godfather JohnWalton

"This toast is on fire."

- JaneJetson 

"His face isn't as good as mine, but it's still good."

- Consigliere Dominick

"He was a cloud and I was a BlueSkies" 

"10/10 would recommend"

- Crystalize_

Still with me?

Sabrina waved her arms to get everyone's attention. Yeah, she Aegor and Homer falling asleep over there. Hat_Rack was full of hats and couldn't really see anyway. 

It's simple, all I have to say is:

VIKTOR

IS

A

LEGEND

Sabrina made the action of dropping a mic. This would make sense if everyone in the crowd weren't in their proper place in history. See, Sabrina is a time traveling witch. She knows cool shit from the future. Unfortunately she just confuses the crowd as she walks off stage.

"Up to no good" Salem said to Sabrina after she stepped off the soap box like a fucking queen. TOP WITCH. Sabrina narrowed her eyes slightly and turned to Salem. 

That's pretty much the only damn thing that is fun. 

Sabrina replied to him and he noticeably sighed for a cat. So not like, a heavy sigh, because Salem is a fucking cat. Yes, one that talks, but still a cat. So he sighed a normal sigh that cats would make if they made sighs. Do not argue cat science. But what really put this fucking talking cat over the edge was what Sabrina said next. 

Especially since I'm no longer allowed to make boys fall in love with me and then kill them. 

"Sometimes I swear you are a sociopath, Sabrina."

You say it like it's a bad thing.

There is a history here. Mostly about Sabrina choosing to praise Satan and sign his goddamn book and possibly going a little crazy because I guess that was her fucking path?! Oh and kill her mortal boyfriend, Harvey. Maybe you've heard of him about him. Sabrina repulsively gagged at the thought of him. How low she had slummed it. Whatever, after she found Salem she became 100% the witch. 

Sabrina winked at Salem and turned her attention to finding @Nessa_Pryde in the crowd and joining at her side. 

Girl, you're up.

Viktor was quite taken aback by this outpouring of love. He was not expecting to be honored in such ways. It truly was unexpected. As his ladies presented themselves to the public, proclaiming their admiration and lust for him, he stepped forward to assauge their desires.

"Ladies, ladies, ladies. There isn't enough of me to go around anymore. I am sorry, but I must choose one of you to be mine. One thot to rule them all, if you will. Please direct your attention to the corner across the street!"

Well today had proven quite...  Eventful indeed!  Nessa had heard whispers...  Well really loud shrieks...  But this was beside the point, of a party being thrown for Viktor.  There was going to be speeches, and tons of fun to be had.  Well Nessa was all about having fun, so she donned one of her best, most colorful outfits and headed on out to where the gathering would be held.   Excitement mounted within her as she weaved her way through the streets until she came upon quite the gathering crowd.  There at the front, she noticed a few of her dear friends gathered close and addressing the growing crowd.  Nessa giggled at the sight of it all and listened mostly intently as she moved her way toward the front.  She hadn't even known that Princess and Viktor were thinking about getting married?  Oh goodness she needed to pay more attention...  This much was for sure.

Excitement filled her as she began to get a little swept up in the words of her friends.  Beaming widely she finally made it to the front of the crowd and clapped and jumped, clearly feeling excitement over the whole ordeal.  Cracker Jack Rings?  How classy!  She loved it.  Briefly she wondered what color they were...  Perhaps Princess would be willing to show her later.  Jumping up and down she clapped enthusiastically at almost every thing that the ladies before her stated.  She knew that Viktor was quite a guy and one that highly deserved to be adored and praised before...  But now?  Goodness her heart was near to almost bursting!

The tiny red head was being given a bit of space at this point.  Just because she had trodden on one guy's foot, maybe elbowed another in the stomach, miiiiiight have smacked another quite hard in the arm in her enthusiasm...  And don't forget about the sparkling powder that poofed forth from a small pouch that she kept mostly obscured.  That may have been a bit of a deterrent as well.  But honestly Nessa had no clue why... She loved glitter... Doesn't everyone?

Ah well.  She listened to her other two lady friends speak up about Viktor and all his glory.  She giggled and clapped gleefully and watched in awe and amazement as each made her speech.  Sabrina was a curiosity to her in all her unique ways especially that movement at the very end where she slammed her open hand down on nothing?  She wasn't certain what she was doing before she exited the 'stage' but Nessa would clap and cheer all the same, effectively stirring the crowd around her...  Or earning weird looks.  Either one was fine by her.  She clapped and cheered for her friend until she made her way toward her in her place in the crowd.  Blinking a couple times, Nessa was slightly confused by Sabrina's words.  But it snapped in her head.  Her turn.  Oh!  It was her turn to talk about Viktor!  Okay!!

The tiny sprite launched herself toward the soap box stage, but with her haphazard trajectory managed to knock it right over.  Squeaking as she tripped over the box, she would faceplant before she reached the front.  Shaking her head to clear it, she found that she really needed to lay off the cappuccino.  Having six of them before arriving as well as a whole bag of gummy worms was likely not the best course of action.  Quickly standing up and nudging the knocked over crate a little further from her, she beamed to all of those around her.

"Hi everyone!!!  Thank you for coming to celebrate an awesome occasion and an awesome leader!  I have had the pleasure to know the great Viktor, mostly indirectly, my entire life.  He is SPECTACULAR!  A gleaming beacon and an example for us all.  So fun to be around and he doesn't even mind glitter..." Nessa sighed gently and nodded enthusiastically.  "Secretly I think he likes it.  Anyway!  Moving on!  Viktor is a very deep sort of person and we've had many talks about the futures of our cities and kittens and babies and bubble gum.  He understands so many things that are important to life.  Philadelphia is so lucky to have him and I look forward to seeing what wonders come about because he is leading in such a fair city!  It has once been said that he is...  F-ing awes.  I know they used a different word, but it's not a nice word but I'm sure you all know what I mean.  I still don't know what that means but it was met positively so I'm sure it sums him up wonderfully!  Thank you all!  You're all wonderful!  Bye!"

And with that, she would bound off toward the crowd, sending glitter all over in her wake and covering the crowd with the beautiful sparkly stuff that they aren't fully getting rid of for the next month.