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Intern Wanted | Started by: CoconutRandy on Nov 06, '19 00:10 |
INTERN WANTED The position of intern has opened up at The Coconut Chronicle following the sudden departure of my nephew Montague. I will not go into details other than to say that I believe you are making a very big mistake, Montague, and that a career as the assistant to a rude Slovak magician is simply not a viable long-term career move. I know you have grown up amidst the wiccan sortilege of your aunts Cordelia & Morticia but there is a big difference between burying hamsters for blessed weather and the dark brand of cabbage-based sorcery practiced by Dracula, Wizard-Chef of the Mystic Mountains. Job description: Applicants must be recent arrivals and unsponsored. You will enter the associate ranks of The Renegades with myself as your sponsor. You will work with me to publish The Coconut Chronicle, involving yourself in the generation of story and special report ideas and pitches, conducting interviews when required, as well as general muckraking. You may earn the right to have your own stories published and/or develop a personal column if desired, however that is not a necessity. I am mainly looking for people with fresh ideas and an ear to the ground, it doesn't matter if you want to write or not. Your compensation: You will ride shotgun to the glitz and glamour of life with Coconut Randy; the long afternoons of cornhole with my uncle Billiam (who you may not call Bill), the hours of crafting shell-based male jewelery, more tabouli than you can bathe in. I will pay you a salary of $1,000,000 per issue until you have graduated into the family as a Made Man, at which point you will be given the option to leave the position, whether that is to graduate to a permanent role with the paper (e.g. your own column, as mentioned previously) or to simply have outgrown it as someone who has made their bones and become a full member of the family I serve as the brains, brawn and beauty behind the operation. You may apply here publicly or privately via my inbox. If there are no applicants, I beg you, Montague, do not follow Dracula to Little Rock, Arkansas. They will not take kindly to your gentle disposition. Thank you. |
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Salvatore ‘VIPCreditsGrin’ Grinbini was walking down the street. He did that a lot, walking. This was just one of many such interesting anecdotes about Mr Grinbini that would likely come to light in the future, he was sure. Whilst participating in his walk, he heard about a job opportunity and was immediately starstruck by the potential employer. Oh my god, is this the CoconutRandy? Former Editor-in-Chief, former Junior Reporter and latterly restored Editor-in-Chief of The Coconut Chronicle pending takeover? It is? Wowzer, what an honour it is to meet a local celebrity such as yourself! I actually came here by chance whilst on one of my enjoyable walks to combat my increasingly sedentary lifestyle and was delighted to discover there was a chance to work with...no for...such a champion of journalism as yourself. Only, I already have a sponsor, mighty Viktor, and I note there is a condition that potential interns must be employed by yourself. If you could perhaps overlook this, I would be pleased to offer my services as general office skivvy, coffee maker and fact-creator. Please do let me know if I am eligible to work for you. Wistful. My, my, CoconutRandy. In the same street as little old me. The boys back home will never believe me. “You’re a liar” they’ll say. The egg and their faces will be meeting. Oh yes. |
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Reply by: VIPCreditsGrin at Nov 06, '19 11:49 | |
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Young Grinbini, the fact that you have pushed forward undeterred despite not meeting one of just two guidelines I have set for this position informs me that you are precisely the kind of applicant who will succeed in the cutthroat world of mass media. This is, in fact, my first lesson to you: trust no one, especially not me, Coconut Randy. When can you start? I'm afraid my previous intern, nephew Montague, is stowed away on a wagon train of fur traders headed to the Ozarks. I fear that if he is not caught and eaten by inbred mountan-men who take shelter in the caves ('coal miners' if you want to be politically-correct), he will be served in a soup by his occult new employer. In both cases, we find ourselves short-handed at Coconut Chronicle HQ. |
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Reply by: CoconutRandy at Nov 06, '19 14:01 | |
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Not even a day into the job and already the nuggets of wisdom are being gleefully mined. I'll be sure to make a note of that one, boss. Grinbini opens his diary and scribbles on the first line: 1. trust no-one, especially not CoconutRandy. Fortunately, I think I am free to begin duties immediately as a result of a recent bereavement having killed everyone I know. I expect that my calendar will be rather free, I think, I'll just confirm. He checks his diary again before realising that he didn't actually have a diary at all and had drawn a smiley face on his hand. Oh, quite. Confirmed - I don't have any appointments, boss. Intern Grinbini is ready to report for duty at Coconut Chronicle HQ immediately. I even heard a juicy rumour that 500 credits were out in the wild. Oh? They've been claimed. Never mind. False alarm, guys. Coffee, boss? |
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Reply by: VIPCreditsGrin at Nov 06, '19 15:52 | |
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Consider yourself hired! Welcome to the Coconut Chronicle family, Grinbini. Or are you OK with VIPCreditsGrin for short? Whatever you're comfortable with. I may call you Montague at times but that is just force of habit. He was my favourite nephew and now he is a soup. I just need time. Yes, coffee, thank you. We have five days until the next edition, I need you to get out there and see what you can find. Conspiracies, shakedowns, hustles; just last week Vegas Crewleader Xanxus was 'disappeared' by The Man for being a short-circuiting robot, Monty, some kind of tommy-gun terminator months, weeks, maybe mere days away from flipping a switch and killing us all on the orders of whoever programmed him. In fact, I have it on good authority that the smoking gun on that investigation can be found here, I have documented the exchange. As you can see, it appears Xanxus' malfunctions were already beginning to appear in plain sight, as he is seen to have wired Detroit supervillain Destro $1,000,000 dollars for merely submitting a vote. What now appears obvious is that the Xanxus-bot was returning his callously-won tribute to his master, his wires already too frayed to do it via their normal private drop. Absolutely diabolical stuff. Bring me stories, VIPCreditsGrin. The truth is out there. |
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Reply by: CoconutRandy at Nov 06, '19 16:36 | |
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Sitting in the back of his Lanchester, Neil typed out a quick letter on exquisite quality personalised 90 gsm paper. He'd given this some consideration for a while, and although CoconutRandy was likely to laugh in his face, Neil reckoned he should at least extend the olive branch of friendship, after all, he could always beat him half to death with the branch if things didn't work out.
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Reply by: Neil_Anblomi at Nov 25, '19 00:04 | |
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Coconut Randy addresses a typed-letter to Mr. Neil_Anblomi:
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Reply by: CoconutRandy at Nov 25, '19 13:24 | |
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