A car stops.  A man gets out.  He starts to talk to the crowd.

"Friends, I am not a man to be bullied.  There are holes out in the Las Vegas filled with those who attempted to bully me.  Anyway, whilst I WON'T be bullied, I WILL listen to reasoned debate.

And some of the points raised about my cancelling the most recent writing competition WERE reasonable.  People DID work hard, and SHOULD have been judged, and a prize should have been awarded.

The man stops talking, and drinks a drinks, and then starts talking again.

First, congratulations are in order.  Firstly, I must thank Destro.  Destro is going to use his own reward money to give the winner of this competition a prize.  Thanks, Destro.  You have been a true friend of these contests, and I look forward to working with you in the future.

I also need to thank NotoriousBIG, who said he would help fund prize money for future contests, and who also acted as a judge in this contest.  There were other judges too, of course, but they asked to be anonymous, and I'll respect that.

And, unfortunately, I must also announce a disqualification. Brute told a story that had a very strong chance of winning - indeed, it was a favourite, but describing the creator, benefactor and leading and guiding lights of these fantastic contests as "barbaric" isn't good.  Neither is it good to accuse him of being "ad, broke, and spineless man."  And, just for the record, neither is it a good idea to describe him as a "weasel" and a cheat.  So, Brute, sorry, a good writer you are.  But until you show Remorse For Intemperate Speech you will find yourself barred from the next contest.

Now to ANNOUNCE OUR WINNER...  To be quite honest, I'm a bit disappointed, as I frankly find this guy irritating, and he has done nothing but rake mud, accuse and cast aspirations on my good character.

But he's won a prize, and he won it fair and square.

THE WINNER IS VIPCreditsGrin

VIPCreditsGrin - will you join us, and give us your acceptance speech?

All you've done is prove my descriptions remarkably accurate. You are sad and broke for only resuming your contest with another man's money. A spineless weasel for simultaneously disqualifying me and rewarding Grin despite claiming the same behavior from both of us.

If my words came across as intemperate, perhaps it's because only intemperate words would suffice for an honest account of your behavior.

Can I get some sort of confirmation on this before I dip into my own winnings only to then find out I sent the prize money to the wrong recipient?  Last thing I need is to find myself embroiled in yet another controversy.  It's bad enough that everyone is calling me the most controversial man in the country.  I could do without giving the hens more fodder to gossip about.

The winner is definitely VIPCreditsGrin

Was hoping for someone to confirm your declaration actually Commissar, not for you to confirm your own statement.  

Certainly no disrespect to you sir, it's just when my money is involved I like dealing in certanties before parting with a significant percentage of it haphazardly.  

The thing is, Destro, all of the judges except for NotoriousBIG have asked to remain anonymous.  But I don' think Don BIG would mind me confirming his vote.  I've got the telegram confirming his vote here, which I will pin to this lamppost here:

To: CommissarZverev
From: NotoriousBIG
Sent: Nov 10
Subject:

Your welcome, im happy serve as a judge

But 1 thing, I never said I would fund any future competitions.

And if I was to be a judge in the future I would certainly not be a funder. 

To: NotoriousBIG
From: CommissarZverev
Sent: Nov 10 
Subject:

Thanks - I've mentioned you in the announcement thread. 

I really appreciate your help.

To: CommissarZverev
From: NotoriousBIG
Sent: Nov 10 
Subject:

Hello again Capo CommissarZverev

My vote goes to VIPCreditsGrin

Ok fair enough.  Congrats to VIPCreditsGrin for winning first prize in the writing contest.  Being a former winner myself I have to admit it feels like an honor to present a prize to a fellow winner.  While it's not the 18 million I'd imagine you were hoping for, I feel somewhat obligated to share a piece of my own winnings with you, being that I did not submit a story.  Your prize of $150,000 is on it's way.  Spend in good health.  

Your accountant makes note that $100,000 has been wired to VIPCreditsGrin from your account. The note "1st Prize in writing contest (remaining 50k to be sent asap)" was included.

Whatever Vaelin.  What would you have me do?  Give him my entire winnings?  This wasn't my contest nor was I obligated to give anybody any prize.  So why the profanity and insults?

Whilst I am pleased to see that you have completely caved to the immense public pressure applied by myself, Intern Grinbini, and the wider readership of The Coconut Chronicle, recognising that you must honour your contest; this resolution is somewhat disappointing.

As rightful winner of this contest, as declared by NotoriousBIG and all of the other judges, I would respectfully ask why I did not win the full $18,000,000 prize money? I am grateful to NotoriousBIG for agreeing to fund future contests and to Destro for stepping in and donating some of his hard won prize money, but it shouldn't really be on them to do so. I feel like you're trying to pull the proverbial wool over our eyes and that just won't wash here. 

I will make you an offer. If you declare publicly that your own losses, be they as a result of being a very poor dice player or be they from perpetuating the Harty pot, as we are all aware of already, and these mean that you cannot afford the prize money, then I might consider some reasonable deduction.

Until then, I would be grateful to see the remaining $50,000 hit my bank account. Please, Destro. Thank you.

VIPCreditsGrin yes you will be receiving the remainder or your money soon enough.  Had I not had to wait so long for a certain judge to deliver his vote I wouldn't have had to dip into my own winnings prior to sending your cut.  Not that I'm complaining about 500k, it's nothing to scoff at.  But when you operate at the level I do, even half a million gets eaten up fast.  The remaining 50 thou will be delivered once I get my own finances organized a bit

VIPCreditsGrin as CommissarZverev clarified after a speech he delivered earlier, I have never said yes to fund any competition. 

Congratulations on being the winner, I'm looking for looking forward to serving as a judge in future competitions. 

And rest in peace to my misspellings, I was too focused on eating my donut. 

Biggie wanders back into the shadows while enjoying another fresh donut

This is truly a sad day. Not only did I offer Commissioner Zverev a solution to his predicament allowing the competition to resume as planned where by everyone would have received their fair share, a suggestion that he flat out refused deciding it was just better to stiff everyone, but now I hear the Honourable Vaelin has been tipped more money merely for adding his two cents to the conversation than my learned friend Grin has received for winning the conversation. Tis truly a sorry state of affairs. Oh and by the way, the phrase is to cast dispersions on a person's character, not aspirations, that would mean something completely different to what you intended.

Wise Guy Destro, I have given this some thought. I feel its wrong to serve as a judge and also be one of the peoples who contribute to the prize money. Let's say I funded the next competition while also serving as a judge, isn't that wrong? If I was one of the writers or just a spectator I would certainly think that judge might vote for a friend who was in that competition. I also suggested to @ComissarZverev that CL`s should not be allowed to vote for associates or members from their own crew. I would appreciate your take on it, and everyone else who has an opinion on this matter. 

My mistake, NotoriousBIG. I did not see the clarification, I thought you had agreed to fund further competitions. 

Destro, fiend, have you managed to resolve your financial situation to pay me the remainder of my prize? I recall that you yourself were victorious in one of the Commissar's contests, although winning slightly more than me, and wondered if perhaps you still had some of this $40,000,000 windfall available with which to pay me? In the alternative, assuming he hasn't bankrupted it to House, maybe CommissarZverev could arrange for a loan from the Iron Bank to cover the remaining $50,000 of my winnings. 

I hear that hes extremely rich, so I fail to see how 50k should be so hard to source

I have come to learn, Neil, especially where Destro and CommissarZverev are involved, that things are rarely as they seem. The Commissar is one minute flaunting his wealth then forced to retract his prize money. One minute Destro is Extremely Rich, the next he is Dirt Poor. The Iron Bank, even there is even such a thing, is likely leveraged to the hilt to whomever the real money man is. 

Anyway, I would like my $50,000 please.