The life of a big city lawyer is always busy, Kong sits in his office, his desk cluttered with letters and legal briefs. His assistant Schaudt sits in his corner as usual, not making to much out of himself. He tosses aside the letters from the self described Lanchester Lawyer for later as he focuses on his most important business and starts writing a letter.

To my most valued client Destro

I resent the accusations you so recklessly throw at me, I you and your case have been constantly on my mind since you made the wise decision of hiring my firm to represent you in these complicated legal matters. 

I would advise you to not comply with the subpoena issued by Mr. Neil_Anblomi. Not only because he is a two-bit excuse for a lawyer, did you know he operate out of his car? Not a large office such a my respectable operation. His claims are unfounded and just a legal trick used to try and take the attention of the matter that his client NotoriousBIG owes a considerable amount of money to one Mr. VIPCreditsGrin. This is nothing but a desperate legal move made my a lawyer in over his head. Pay it no mind.

As for the possible case against PhillipMarleau Im very glad you brought this to my attention, he can of course be sued for that. Lewd public behavior is a very serious crime, I should know. Im currently involved in some pro bono work for my associate Jason_Vorhees defending him in a case brought by MariaReynolds for his numerous attempts to expose himself to her down at the old docks. Had he not had such an experienced lawyer, as he is indeed very lucky to have, he would have been in serious trouble. I will put my best men on him, watching his every move, trying to catch him in the act so we can make him pay!

PS. I would like to extend my gratitude toy you for transferring the $50 000 you owed to my other client VIPCreditsGrin and your cooperation in settling the issue in a way all parties could live with. I will make sure he receives his part of the settlement after my well deserved cut have been docked of course.

Your friend 

Eugene ‘kong’ Fagotti, attorney at law

Ohh that reminds me Schaudt. I need you to deliver this note to Mr. VIPCreditsGrin as well regarding the success of his claim against Mr. Destro. He should be down in his office or whatever he calls the accessible restroom at the Coconut Corp building.

Dear valued client

I am happy to finally report that your debtor Destro have finally payed the $50 000 you have been rightfully owed. The money is sitting in my account right at this moment just. Before the money can be released from my account we unfortunately have to settle the business of my fee. As you are well aware the standard fee for such a job is $150 000. For your convenience I have subtracket the $50 000 already in my account. I eagerly await the remaining $100 000 being wired to my bank.

Please do so promptly, as you have seen in my handling of this case Im quite effective in collecting debt and you would not want to owe me money for to long.

Respectfully 

Eugene ‘kong’ Fagotti, attorney at law

Kong sights as he looks over at his box of cigars. He could really use one right now but unfortunately his clumsy assistant Schaudt dropped them in a puddle of water and he was not touching them now. He starts typing an answer to the ridiculous claims presented by the disgraced lawyer Neil_Anblomi. 

Dear car-lawyer

Thank you for your latest letter and your cooperation in settling the debt owed to my client Mr. VIPCreditsGrin. 

First of all to address the claims presented by my client that he have never hired my. As you are well aware my client are not at full mental capacity after that incident with the lamp. In his mental absence I am his court appointed guardian. I ask you to not engage him in person and to please disregard anything he says in public.

As to the case of your clients liability for the prize money he and his co-sponsor of the competition CommissarZverev promised to my client. I am well aware of my clients, in another case that I would please have you keep seperate from this legal trouble, involvement in said competition. I dont see what relevance it have for this case that he won an earlier retention of said competition but I thank you for providing proof that the prize was paid by your client Don NotoriousBIG.

Just as your client honored his promise and paid @Destro his prize last time. I ask him to honor his promise to my both my client Mr. VIPCreditsGrin and the community in general and transfer remaining $17 900 000 of the well deserved prize to my account as soon as possible.

Warm regards

Eugene ‘kong’ Fagotti, attorney at law

Despite the work load things were going quite well for Neil. With all the money he had skimmed of Don NotoriousBIG charging him for postage and what not, he'd been able to purchase a second hand typewriter from a local thrift store about a block down from the soup kitchen. Neil was a bit disappointed that CoconutRandy, but at least there had been absolutely no communication from him, and that was always a bonus. The same, unfortunately, could not be said about the closet dwelling,  Shyster who was purporting to be the Lawyer of VIPCreditsGrin, something he most definitely wasn't, a quick check with the Bar association of America had confirmed that. But still the letters kept coming, and they were laughable. How had anyone so poorly educated managed to buy themselves anlaw degree? Neil was minded to write a strongly erm type, he had forgotten he now had a typewritter, so he was minded to type a strongly worded letter to that correspondence college in Organ Cave.

Dear Mr Fag  ti,

Thank yo  for your let  r dated 12th Nov  ber 1933. I note that you have failed to grasp any of the details I have fur  sh d you with in my previous correspondence. Therefore in a fin l attempt to save you face in c  rt, allow mr to reiterate the following:

1. My clie t, Mssr NortoriousBIG is not nor has he e er be n associated in any way with the crea   n, management, desi  n, or impliamen   ion of any writing competition  ion either singly or in partn  ship with anyo e.

2. My cli not os not nor has he ever been fri  ds with Mr Zverev, any repre   ntat ve or employee of Mr Zverev.

3. The pap two k and invo c s supplied by this office to yo  self are those between your client, Mr De t o and Mr Zverev not between my c  ent and your cli  t. 

I insist that you correct your records immediately or that you f le with the co  t cl rk to have a court date assigned to this case.

Regards

N    A blomi

Attorney at Law