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| Coconut Pravda, Volume 9 | Started by: CoconutRandy on Nov 19, '19 14:54 |
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COCONUT PRAVDA
письмо FROM THE EDITOR With a loud song of victory, Comrades, right now the solemn, tragic and celebrated overturn is happening, about which Marx said that the whole history of humankind serves as an ordinary introduction. There is nothing strange in the idea that, from now, the chronology of man should start from the special day of Mikhail's beginning (May 22), and not from the birth of Christ, which has lost all meaning. What the rulers before the Great War did not achieve - the complete renewal of the earth's face - the great Soviet State revolution will. да здравствует михаил!
архив:The Coconut Chronicle, Volume 1 The Coconut Chronicle, Volume 2 The Coconut Chronicle, Volume 3 The Coconut Chronicle, Volume 4 The Coconut Chronicle, Volume 5 The Coconut Chronicle, Volume 6 The Coconut Chronicle, Volume 7 The Coconut Chronicle, Volume 8 Special Report: Invasion of the Right-Hand Babies Special Report: Assume The Position Special Report: Follow The Money -
The Council of People Commissars have decided to introduce into civil use the new Soviet State calendar, rendering any and all continued use of the debased pre-Great War calendar not only unnecessary but inappropriate and meaningless. The following days will be celebrated going forward: Mikhail, Architect of A New And Better World Day Any individuals who continue to follow the Christian Orthodox almanac will be subject to investigation. If found guilty, you will be sentenced to up to 3 years in the gulag. After serving 6, you may get lucky and earn an early release.
NON-STATE AFFILIATED CONTENT Socialist realism, the basic method of Soviet State arts and literature, demands truthfulness from the creator, as well as a historically concrete portrayal of reality in its revolutionary development. Under these conditions, truthfulness and the historical accuracy of artistic portrayal ought to be combined with the task of the ideological re-making and re-education of labouring people in the spirit of socialism. It is on this foundation that Coconut Pravda must insist on warning our readership of the perils of trusting non-Soviet affiliated content, particularly that which is the product of non-proletariat origin, the most notable being SeanCallan's Star-Examiner, led by the editor Dominic. It is our task to endow the children of the new world with the spirit of communism, while it is the prerogative of outside sources to act as the engineers of wickedness in the human soul, peddling evil, individualism, inaccurate reporting, and wasteful, overly-large suits that lead to absurd exchanges with profligate lawyers over greedy civil court cases. The following is a list of all State-sponsored content:
The following is a list of Menshevik propaganda not sanctioned by the Soviet State and therefore deemed worthless by the Council of Re-Education:
The Soviet State is a struggle not merely for material advantages but for supreme moral values. The revolution's appeal lies in the fact that we are striving not just to fill our hungry bellies, but for a higher truth: the liberation of the individual. Our programme and tactics express the interests of the broad roiling masses, and it is in that we can build up a solid coalition of soldiers (like the brave dueling-champion CommissarZverev), workers (like the librarian RupertGiles), and peasants (like car-lawyer Neil_Anblomi).
NIGHT OF THE POLTROON Friend of The Soviet State and glorious Stakhanovite, Destro, was murdered by traitors in his sleep last night. In Destro we found a shining example of the new man, who left a selfish and diabolical past behind to dirty his hands in the labour of our new classless society, where one is what he contributes to this great united family and every man equal to the other. It is suspected he was shot down by deceitful Manshevik dogs, who hide away in tiny woodland shacks where they sleep 4 across, breathing into each others mouths like inbred lovers. Authorities have described these individuals as deserters of the glorious new order, whose fecklessness and intellectual sterility leads them to act violently in attempts to delay their certain irrelevancy, their lack of strength in character and mind dooming them to the dredges of a world that will not serve their bourgeois indolence. Our consulting medical practitioner, Comrade Doctor Coconut Randy, adds that it is highly likely these suspects suffer from afflictions that negate their ability to contribute to Soviet society, such as hunchbacks or dooflebrains, and instructs citizens to keep an eye out before they scurry back to their hermitage and are not seen again until their next act of cynical and pointless violence. A highly-substantial reward has been promised for information on Destro's pigeon-hearted assassin(s).
героические достижения пролетариата написано: Comrade Randy This week's featured person: VIPCreditsGrin, of The Coconut Chronicle, who has risen to the honour of Made Man. In his actions, the glorious principles of Mikhailism shine as brightly as the future of our undying revolution. His fervour for the truth and the liberation of man pushes forward like a light through tunnels built under the shadow of oppression, the likes of which materialized again in his very-rude hitlisting by known liquidationist BelleCorsica. Still, he continues unfettered, growing from news-boy to news-man, a beacon of justice in our Soviet society, and the archetype of the New Man who will comprise the beetroot in our societal borscht. Congratulations VIPCreditsGrin, Volume 9's Soviet Hero of The Socialist Revolution. May he live 100 years, like our great helmsman Mikhail, who is the Sun of all the earth! Let us sing together, comrades: We are warmed by Mikhail’s affection,
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ADVERTISEMENT: Soviet State People's Representative of The Iron Bank, CommissarZverev, will be hosting a special art auction to raise funds for the Destro Memorial Writing Competition, a tribute to the fallen Soviet ally and hero of the people, Destro. A hymn to honour the occassion: Unbreakable union of freeborn republics, |
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| Reply by: CoconutRandy at Nov 19, '19 15:11 | |
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Can we get a confirmation of any of this BS from Godfather Mikhail himself? |
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| Reply by: Dominic at Nov 19, '19 15:29 | |
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Dominic, as Comrade-Editor, it behooves me to request that you act respectfully when questioning the value of State-sponsored journalism. I think you will find the only 'BS' at play your bourgeois grousing over the legitimacy of our content. |
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| Reply by: CoconutRandy at Nov 19, '19 15:36 | |
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I have no reason to believe that your little publication is state-sponsored. Plus, MR is a free land, and Mikhail doesn't rule over the whole game, Squishy does. |
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| Reply by: Dominic at Nov 19, '19 15:43 | |
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What game? Squishy who? I do not recognize your heretical pagan Gods or strange, shameless heresy, and am unmoved by your gibberish about games or 'MR'. |
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| Reply by: CoconutRandy at Nov 19, '19 15:48 | |
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Dominic, are all of the suits you make of a similar quality to the one you're wearing just now? |
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| Reply by: CommissarZverev at Nov 19, '19 15:51 | |
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Most of them, why? |
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| Reply by: Dominic at Nov 19, '19 15:55 | |
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In that case, I will continue to wear a replica of the late, great Destro's. |
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| Reply by: CommissarZverev at Nov 19, '19 15:58 | |
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Following Dominic's impious interjection, another hymn to get us back on track: Break the yoke of tyranny, Brothers, seize the guns |
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| Reply by: CoconutRandy at Nov 19, '19 16:32 | |
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